Is it dairy, grapefruit or my multi vitamin?

Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace.
Eugene O'Neill


I personally know there is no magic door. But I believe there is a kingdom of peace. I refer to it as EVEN.




TODAY'S POST -

While I was in the midst of my GI tests in December, I did dairy free fasting as part of that process. When I reduced my dairy intake, I felt like I noticed a decline in bloating and gas. I would have thought I had a normal amount of bloating and gas (for how many veggies I eat) prior to that week. But after that week, was not so sure.

Earlier this month I went through a spell of headaches.

Then the headaches stopped.

I went several days with no headaches and then had one evening where it reappeared as if someone had flipped a switch, instant/severe headache.

I just happened to realize that the day of the switch flip, I had taken my multi vitamin, eaten grapefruit and had yogurt. I realized on the previous headache free days I had not consumed any of those, and on the previous headache days I thought I remembered consuming all three.

So almost two weeks ago I stopped eating yogurt and grapefruit. I took my multi vitamin all that week. No headaches.

I am not reintroducing grapefruit as I have a problem getting stuck on grapefruit (and bananas). Getting stuck means I think about them too much, one is not enough. Getting stuck  also means they have rebound effect. When I limit myself to one a day (those items) and am still thinking more, More, MORE,  I then want more of other foods as well. So, I am very happily linking grapefruit = headache in my mind. I accept any help that comes my way and I consider this help.

This whole time, I had been having 1/2 cup skim milk on my oatmeal each morning and noticed no issues.

Last week, I slowly reintroduced regular, plain, low fat yogurt and walnuts. Slowly as in every other day. And as I write that I realized that when I did not eat yogurt, I also did not eat walnuts as I always eat the two together, so there is actually another factor in there. I also realized I had been eating Greek (Fage) 2% yogurt while at Mayo and since we returned from Mayo. So there is yet another factor. I ate Fage wihle at Mayo to get as much protein in as easily as possible.  I did not reintroduce Fage. I did reintroduce the regular store brand low fat that I used to eat (when I had no headaches in past years).

So far, no headaches.


PS -
I lived with severe migraines and all kinds of other problems in my fat days. I do not live that way any more.  My expectation is to have no pain and no issues every day. When I notice pain or an issue I look to see WHY.  I don't take it personally. I do not dwell on what I have had to give up.What is simply is.  I enjoy being pain free and symptom free and having all the clothes in my closet fit every day. This is a state of EVEN for me on so many levels.

What I did this week

Monday - 5 minutes on elliptical, 1 hour yoga
Tuesday - 5 minutes on elliptical, 1 hour free weights, 1 hour Pilates
Wednesday - stayed home and caught up around the house*, social club dinner
Thursday - 5 minutes on elliptical, massive ice storm**.
Friday - youngest outpatient cardiac tests at local hospital***, hair cut
Saturday - 5 minutes on elliptical, concert
Sunday -

*If I would have had any idea I would be grounded Thursday, would not have wasted Wednesday! Good example of do what you can each day/who knows what the next day will bring! And with a very free/open schedule, totally forgot about elliptical Wednesday. I do a lot better with structure.

The dinner on Wednesday was held at a local restaurant, each person was able to order their own meal off the menu. I had egg beaters veggie omelet and a lot of hot water/lemon. I enjoyed myself. Husband went with me.

**Massive ice on way home from dinner, so when school was cancelled the next day/Thursday, I did not even try to go to exercise (other side of town) as I knew how bad the roads were.

*** Update post on youngest coming later this week Able to have this set of diagnostic tests done at local hospital so we did not have to make trip to Minnesota this week.




BOOKS
I read the first two, The Giver and Gathering Blue, by Lois Lowry, years ago. I finally listened to The Messenger this week. The Giver received a Newbery Award and appears on some 100 Books Everyone Should Read lists.While The Giver is the only one to receive these honors, I personally think the subsequent books are just as strong/well written.  My girls have read all three of these books (and loved them). The oldest read the first one, but I am not sure he has read the second two. These are considered young adult books and are centered on different kinds of futuristic societies. Very different style of books and really good.

I also listened to Cry, The Beloved Country by South African author Alan Paton. It was first published in the USA in 1948. There is a foreword that talks about how this book came to be published that is well worth the read. I was a little nervous starting this book (same sort of considerations as reading Uncle Tom's Cabin where I was worried it would sink me.) This book is beautifully written and was narrated by Richard Green. I looked to see if I could find any information on Richard Green (like what country/area he was from originally). There are a lot of Richard Green's out there. No luck. Loved this book.

saved comments: Jane's cake and Diane's Parenting Post

Here is Jane's cake post.


Here is my/Vickie's comment:
I hope you will smile at this.

Youngest's birthday was last week, it fell on the weekend.

The Thursday before her birthday weekend her homeroom teacher asked if she was bringing in a treat (Friday). When she got in the car after school she mentioned it and said that she hadn't thought a thing about it (bringing in treat). I said - I wouldn't have thought of it either, good thing he said something. We stopped by store and bought her favorite cookies (ranger cookies by a bakery) and she took them in that Friday.

On the day of her birthday, what she wanted to do was go ice skating and go to mall (with a friend). She did both those things and the friend came back to spend the night. They had a great time.

it wasn't until two days later that I wondered if the friend thought it was weird we did not have a cake.

I can't remember the last time anyone here had a cake for their birthday. it has been years and years.

There are no restrictions about cakes. If someone wanted a cake, I would get it (would just get one where it was one serving each and then done). But we just don't think that way any more. We think activities.

here is the flip side:

we attended a baptism open house last summer. There was a very good cake. We all had a piece. Everyone at my house scraped off the frosting and just ate the cake. We all had tiny pieces and only ate one piece each. No one told anyone to do this - it is just automatic.

there was a mom sitting down the table (from us) with her little girl. They ate piece after piece of cake - but ate the frosting only. This was the kind of cake where the frosting was an inch thick.

The girl was (trying to sit) sitting on the mom's lap, only there was no actual lap. The girl was as round as round could be. The site of both of them trying to sit on a chair, shoveling fork fulls of frosting in their mouth and ummmmming was almost too much for me.

it was the frosting pavlov's dogs.
the conditioning to frosting = love was actually visual.

I will never forget those two.


Diane happened to write a post that lends itself very well to this topic. 

jeans

BACKGROUND:
I still wear my snuggest pair of blue jeans on a weekly basis.

If I am going to be somewhere with a lot of (food) distractions, I make sure I wear them.

You might remember Christmas season 2010, which was a tough emotional time for me,  I wore them almost every day (the whole month).

Washington DC Thanksgiving week 2011, happy family vacation, but with lots of temptations and out of my normal routine, I wore them nearly every day.



TODAY'S POST:
I took a hard look at these jeans earlier this week to see why they are my GO TO, mindful, helper jeans.

They are the same size as my cords. Same manufacturer as my cords. Same style as my cords. Yet my cords do not have the same impact.

What I realized this week is the jeans have a slightly higher waist line and almost no stretch. They are firm in exactly the place I need them to be firm. Any bit of 'extra me' and the waist band is snug.

I am fully aware if my food got willy nilly, I stayed off the scale, I wore yoga pants or cords, my weight could easily slide up without my realizing it. Fully Aware.

As much as I cursed my belly on the way down the scale, I do not feel that way now.

The slightest bit of extra salt, too much food, the wrong kind of food, and my belly swells. And then my jeans are snug and I am instantly aware.

I am also aware because I get on the scale. But the jeans are a different kind of aware because they are a reminder 100% of my day.

Aware is good.

I know getting a new pair of jeans would be an option. A different size or a different cut or some added stretch would be another choice.

Not for me.

I have a second pair of these jeans, stashed away, so when the first ones wear out, I have a fall back pair.

I kid you not.



PS - I had forgotten all about this: the author of The Denim Diet, Kami Gray, used to stop by (here/my blog) every once in a while. (She had a blog going for a bit. Not sure if it is still up. I looked but there were so many publicity links to her book, that it is probably lost in the shuffle.) I am not sure if my limited contact with Kami put the blue jean thing in my mind or if it was already there. I am not at all sure of the timing. I never read her book. (Honestly I avoid 'diet' - how I hate that term - and self help books as much as I can). I never contacted her. I am not sure how she happened by one day, but I did hear from her fairly regularly for a while. I think I have the right person and the right book. I am not great with names. But when I found her links, I think that is who I am remembering.

elliptical: heart range

This post continues on from yesterday, and from the day before yesterday.


HEART RANGE:
I asked the physical therapist how to think about youngest's heartbeat on the elliptical. (This was when I was still a bit scared for her and getting used to things.)

This is what PT said - the formula to calculate heartbeat range in cardio exercise is 220 - age x range. A good workout range is 80%. A light workout range is 70%.


This is how I applied that information:

220 – age x .70 = moderate exercise heart range
220 – age x .80 = really working heart range


These are the calculations for everyone at my house:

Youngest
220 – 14 x .70 = 144
220 – 14 x .80 = 165

Middle
220 – 18 x .70 = 141
220 – 18 x .80 = 162

Husband and Vickie
220 – 51 x .70 = 118
220 – 51 x .80 = 135


So, from day one, youngest put on her chest strap and was not concerned about the intensity and incline of the elliptical from an ego or an anxiety point of view. She used the intensity and the incline as tools to get her heart rate in the working range and keep it there. She works out with her heart rate in the high 150's/low 160's. This is how she now thinks. It is automatic to her already.

My heart rate is in the 115 range during my 5 minutes on the elliptical this week. That is with no resistance and no incline. Looking forward to building up my time so I can get on and watch something (TV). Makes a huge difference in the time for me.



PS -
My husband got on with the newspaper the first few times and I said -
if you are just getting on to pass the time, that is your business. But if you are getting on to work you have to remember heart range. A waitress or a nurse is on her feet for much of the day but is not getting exercise. She is simply putting wear and tear on her body.

I was also very concerned about his positioning/risk of injury craning his neck down trying to read. I do not like the idea of people looking down. There are times in yoga when we do look down and times when we look up or back or to the side. But each direction is careful positioning based on the move. Most of the time in exercise, we look level/straight ahead to keep the rest of our body in line. Many times our eyes must follow a body part to keep the body safe as we move (like gently looking over our shoulder in a twist type move).

elliptical: shopping and buying

I am a reflective writer.  I wait to write until I see the big picture on most topics. This post is a good example. We elliptical shopped the weekend of 1/6-1/8. We bought the elliptical on 1/9/12. It was delivered on 1/13/12.

This post appears in the middle of a set of three. The first post was on how I incorporated it my routine. The last post was on heart range.


BACKGROUND:
Youngest must get at least 30 minutes of cardio EVERY day as part of her treatment plan.

The elliptical is our fall back plan for the days she doesn't have gym, isn't ice skating, isn't swimming, isn't on her bike.

I pause right there to think about training one's brain that at least 30 minutes of CARDIO is a normal part of daily life from childhood on to adult life. Not hours of practice. 30 minutes of cardio.

I continue.


SHOPPING:
We started by looking at a local bike shop which carried a selection of personal use elliptical (based on gym quality elliptical) equipment.

We did look at box stores and box sports store and the like after educating ourselves at this store. We tend to buy quality and wanted a machine that was hassle free, made to last, from a store which had full service available. We quickly realized we did not want a box store elliptical. The price range is huge. The box store ellipticals are under $1000. The personal use (based on gym equipment) are in the $2,500+ range.

The man we worked with at the bike store is the one who goes to all the trade shows and decides which brands/models to include in their show room. They feature about a dozen machines from three manufactures. We made three trips to the store before we bought.

Youngest is 5' even. My husband is 6'. When we started looking we thought we needed a machine with adjustable stride. This greatly reduces the options available.  On our second trip to the bike store, putting youngest on different stride lengths, we realized she did not need adjustable stride. She was fine on standard lengths. [When we walk with her (whole family, on vacation in Washington DC for example) she has no problem keeping up with all of us, even though she is shorter.]

So when we took out the adjustable stride factor, then the other factors all had to do with me and not youngest.

One of the brands has kept the same design in all their years of manufacturing. This design dramatically moves the foot/ankle as the machine is used. It is more like being on a bike. When I walk I take small steps to avoid rolling over the length of my foot in an exaggerated way. This elliptical seemed to do just that - move the foot in an exaggerated way. When my husband researched it, there seemed to be a thought process that this exaggerated movement also put the knee at risk for part of each step. I have the potential for HUGE metatarsal issues and knee issues. I avoid flare up/injury/problems at all costs. I live each day with NO pain and NO problems from these two areas.Any problems from these areas will translate up my body to create further lower back issues. I live each day with NO lower back pain and NO lower back problems.  I keep it that way. We did not buy that brand of machine.


BOUGHT:
The machine we purchased was a S7100 Suspension Elliptical Trainer by Vision.

Suspension means the foot stations are suspended from the machine and do not run on a track.

We are able to adjust both the intensity and the incline of this machine.

The machine is entered from the back and has support frame on each side. This support frame is out of the way of our hands when using the machine, but is available for getting on and off.  So, if youngest is feeling dizzy, she has something to hang on to in getting off. I have something to hang on to when getting on and off every time (I have an inner ear problem on my right side and I am UBBER careful about any kind of injury every day).

There is a chest strap the youngest puts on (to read her heartbeat range) every time she uses the machine.  Middle and I use this too. Husband uses the hand grip to check his heartbeat from time to time.

When the machine was delivered, we had the beeper disconnected. So as the buttons are pressed, the machine makes no noise. The beeper was LOUD. The machine itself is nearly silent when we are using it.

Because we bought it from a locally owned shop, we have excellent support with this machine. They are there for us - service, questions, special needs. If we had not picked the correct machine for us, it was returnable or exchangeable for 30 days.

We did by the thick pad to go under the machine as it is on carpeting.

TV:
We have an extra TV we added to this room. The TV sits on a counter straight on/ahead of the elliptical. I had a box made to go under the TV to bring the screen up to perfect eye level. It is very important to have proper positioning. I understand this extremely well. Having eyes at an angle causes head to be at an angle which translates into potential head/neck/shoulders/back problems. Problems can translate up or down the body from any out of line/positioning area.

We bought a Roku box for this TV. The box was $100 at Best Buy. There is a $80 version available also. We already have Netflix Instant (we do not rent DVD's, we watch Netflix by accessing through wii or xbox3 or computers).

My husband could not believe the mental difference having something to watch made to his elliptical time. He uses it for 30 minutes every day. 30 minutes with something to watch flies.

If you have been around here for a long time or have read it all, you might remember that my last year of weight loss (with my original weight) I spent an hour at the gym, 5 days a week, on the treadmill watching CSI Miami reruns from 1-2pm before I picked up carpool each day. They might have been reruns to everyone else, but they were new to me and made the hour fly (even though I was stuck with commercials). 

elliptical: how I am using it

I have long posts on ellipticals (what we bought/how we shopped and heart range) coming the next two days.

Short one on how I am incorporating it in my life today.

The Friday (1/13/12) the elliptical arrived, my right knee was feeling a little wonkie going up and down the stairs. This is highly unusual. I stayed off the elliptical that whole weekend.

The next week (last week) was killer week at free weights and I was sore all over most of the week. I took no chances on introducing a new exercise during that vulnerable time. Because I was sore, my positioning might not be in line/correct. I stayed off the elliptical the whole week.

After 2 hours and 45 minutes of yoga on Sunday (1/22/12), all the kinks were worked out of my body and enough time had elapsed that I was not in that sore/tender phase from intervals/stations.

So Monday/yesterday was my first day on the elliptical.

I did the proverbial walk to the end of the driveway/mailbox and back that so many of us start with when beginning exercise.

I was on the elliptical for exactly 5 minutes (on purpose).

I will be on the elliptical for exactly 5 minutes every day this week and next weekend. The following Monday (1/30/12) I will increase my time. Not sure yet if I am going to 10 minutes or 15 minutes. (I have a call into Sabrina to see what she thinks.) 

The first minute I went backwards (feet moved as if walking backwards). Then the next four minutes I cranked up my speed in a forward motion. I used no incline and I left the resistance set at 1.

I am capable of getting on and working for a much longer time. I am capable of cranking up the incline or the resistance, but I am giving my lower back/knees/feet a chance to break in slowly to avoid any injury whatsoever. I am giving myself a chance to learn proper positioning. I have to learn to make the move (legs) come from my core. I did not use the moving hand grips at all. I kept my hands stationary on the heart rate handles. I will not start using the moving hand grips for a long time/lots of practice.

I live my life to avoid any injury whatsoever.

I will get further, faster and incorporate this into my life better by taking it slow and steady. But you notice I have set the standard to be on each day.

This is life with physical considerations.

This is long term maintenance.

Boundaries seems to the big step I needed on a lot of levels

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over.

unknown

I love both these quotes.

And they explain the viewpoint I had to change as part of my process. It is closely tied into the martyr thing. It is closely tied into the victim thing. Both of those (specific) visions changed very early in my process.

But it wasn't until the year of the boundaries (2010) that this expanded concept fully changed.

It wasn't until I could see the line between me and them and know I needed to be responsible for myself that things fully changed. It was like the last piece of the puzzle.

Only it is never the true last piece. That is an ego statement. We continue to be works in progress. Like yoga, I think our lives are ever in practice/actively working. Maintenance is probably the most obvious example. 

This was brought home to me this week as I finished Uncle Tom's Cabin.

This is a story I never would have been able to read/listen to in the past. It would have sunk me.

When I started it, I had no intention of letting it sink me.

I was okay with starting it, evaluating how I was doing, and returning it (unfinished) to the library if I was not doing well.


Not doing well could have manifested itself with rumination, a sucking vortex of thoughts of past incidents, food wants, sleep problems, prickly interactions/socialization, etc.

I did very well with Uncle Tom. It was very well written (it is on the 100 books everyone should have read list).

I could keep the boundary of me and the characters in the book separate as I listened ( I listen to all books on CD in the car).

This is not to say I am going to listen to books with sad things in them 100% of the time. (Or listen to books that are 100% sad.)

But I seem to be able to take some sad in stride and keep perspective. The same could be said for Watership Down.  I normally can't be involved in anything with animals (childhood trauma* after childhood trauma* with animals). I did very well with that excellent book too.

Onward and upward.







*Trauma is one of the words we all know when we hear it, but looks so odd (to me anyway) when typed. I had to double check the meaning after seeing how funny it looked/spelled:
trau·ma  (trôm, trou-)

n. pl. trau·mas or trau·ma·ta (-m-t)

1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.

2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.

3. An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.

What I did this week

Monday - oldest still home, everyone else home too, spent the whole day with them.
Tuesday - free weights* and Pilates
Wednesday - therapy appt
Thursday - free weights* and Pilates
Friday - caught up on paperwork and phone calls
Saturday - family all day
Sunday - two yoga classes, the first one was 1 hour and 15 minutes and was an active/working class, the second was an hour and a half and was pure restoration/relaxation. The class times had changed. The relaxation one had been moved much later in the day. When I got there too early, I participated in the class that was starting and then stayed for my regular class. I am pleased with this time change, it is easier (on Sunday) to get to a later class.

*It was circuit/stations/intervals at free weights this week.

We set up 15 stations and did one minute at each with just a couple breaths between stations. We had a 2-3 minute break when we finished the first rotation and then did a second rotation.

We finished with yoga to stretch very worked muscles. The muscle fatigue was huge by the end of the hour. Instructor and I both had to dig deep for Pilates (same instructor, two classes are back to back). I had to dig deeper of course, but it says a lot she had fatigue.

By 4pm on Wednesday I knew what was really worked (my fatigue/soreness sets in about that time the next day) - it was mostly my glutes/butt. I am not sure I have ever felt glutes that way before this week's workout.

It took everything I had to go back on Thursday because I didn't think I had enough left to do the circuit again (on  Thursday we repeat what we did Tuesday, and then the next Tuesday it changes to something totally different).

I had to stay very focused and calm and pay attention to form, but did get through everything in free weights (Thursday).

Walking into Pilates (Thursday) the instructor said she was very fatigued also. That is the sign of a true workout because she is in very good shape.

Went to do kneeling leg raises (on knees, lean enough to one side to put hand on floor to our side and then work the opposite leg, yes, they are very hard) in Pilates (Thursday) and couldn't lift my leg. Had to lie on the floor for them. I struggle with kneeling leg raises any way, but in true fatigue (literally) could not do them. Leg would not lift.

Once upon a time I would not have been able to get through the circuit (happily). Once upon a time I would have been upset to have to greatly modify (not be able to do the full pose/exercise) when my leg wouldn't lift. Both of those responses would have been mental/ego. When I got out of my own mind, quieted my mind, learned to leave my ego at the door, everything got a lot easier.

Even when the workout is hard, everything is easier when I get out of my own way.

On the last of the circuits and at the end of pilates I was saying (in my mind) Jet on my inhale and Pilot on my exhale. I also use a simple in and out sometimes to focus on the breath and let go of the mental baggage.

BOOKS - finished Uncle Tom's Cabin this week. More information of this will pop up in a post later in the week. I only know one other person who has read this book and he read it for school (about 15 years older than I am). If you have read this book and have any thoughts - I am totally done with it now and would appreciate any comments.



PS -
The circuit idea is one that can be done easily at home. A large clock with a third hand to tick on the seconds is needed. A list of exercises that can be done in one spot (sit ups, push ups, lunges, arm work with weights, skipping rope) and utilize all body parts in turn is key.

Another way of looking at a slightly different version of this concept is tabatas. The body shock/tabata label (just below this post) will take you to related posts. I did go back and read some of those posts as I finished writing this one. I remembered being present in each of those stages. (I think there are also links on my side bar under the exercise title.)

There are three posts/sets of links up today, if you have any comments please leave them on the other bloggers posts:

Jill on Attachment Theory and Overeating

Very helpful post. She did a really good job.

Paula D

Barbara on Paula.
Diane on Paula.
My husband said there is lot out there of Anthony Bourdain on Paula.

I had all these same feelings for years, even before the diagnosis. It will be interesting to see what the pharma company does. I think it was a very foolish decision for them to start. Denial does not make a good spokesperson. . .

Saved Comments: Jen

Here is Jen's Original post.

Vickie/I commented:
I used small frequent meals to my advantage also. I think I started with 5-6, and exactly as you said - the next one is always just around the corner. Huge help I agree.

I personally think everyone should have as high an intake as possible for the simple reason that none of us know what is going to be needed at the other end of the scale/maintenance.

People who cut their calories too low (in their rush) in the beginning often wind up in big trouble. They have no where to go and end up in a vicious cycle. I think it has to be the right kind of food (actual food, I will never forget your weight watchers meeting lady and the ice cream) of course.

Ditto with exercise. I think we should have moderate/healthy exercise. But if we are doing too much, too early, then we can set ourselves up for trouble as we get down to our goal range/maintenance.

Very glad things are going well for you

Ding Dong Time Again

If you don't want to tell the cute little girls peddling their cookies - NO! - one can make a (money) donation without buying any cookies.

The donation can be made for their troop.

OR

The Girl Scout Web Site: A Taste of Home" In trying to bring a little bit of Americana to military personnel deployed overseas, some girls from Seattle to Connecticut and all points in between have been busy encouraging their neighbors to buy an extra box of Girl Scout Cookies® so it can then be sent to military personnel overseas. This effort has received wide recognition."

Here is the post from three years ago with information (in comments) about making a monetary donation and donating to the armed forces.


PS -
In 2010 a blogger wrote about how her husband came home with boxes from the evil ones (bought them at work). Interestingly he was a diabetic. She got his behavior stopped so he did not bring them home in 2011. And in 2010 in changing her thought process, she made a list of snacks more substantial for the same number of calories - really clever self-protection approach! Her blog is gone now. But I am not in the habit of listing food anyway. So I mention this as an idea only. A GO TO list of real foods, for smaller meals (I think of them as small/planned meals, not snacks).

1,820

52 weeks in a year
5 working days in a week
52 x 5 = 260 working days in a year

I actually started midway 2004, but for the purpose of round numbers, calculating from 2005 to present years completed makes 7 years.

260 days x 7 years = 1,820 days

That is a very conservative number.

Yes, I had 3 months off that first year for surgery. Yes, I have had a week or two or three off on occasion. Yes, now I do 2 hours back to back two days a week (count that as four times in my head, same as one hour on four days, but I need back to back to get the level up high enough for me). I think the non counted days from 2004 and all the times I did many hours on the same day, or exercised on the weekends, makes it all average out to at least 5 'times' a week.

What am I talking about?

Number of times I have had intentional exercise since I started my process.

1,820

on track?

January was not even half over and I saw an add for a Groupon package to mend broken resolutions.

The marketing person was clever (I think).

It was a collection including class packages, gym memberships, spa packages, quit smoking programs, yoga retreats, pedometers, workout gear, meal packages, luggage.

One was not expected to buy all the packages, they were just grouped together for marketing purposes.

It caught my attention.

I had no interest in anything offered.

The concept of staying focused caught my attention.

As this posts today, January IS half done.





"All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Walking for pleasure, yes.  Walking for exercise, in my opinion, no.  If we are thinking while walking for exercise, then we are not pushing ourselves hard enough, not keeping a good speed. Monkey mind and exercise do not meld.

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play."
Arnold Toynbee

I understand we have to find things we like (intentional exercise). But (in my opinion) there is a difference between waiving ones body parts around and true work/output/conditioning.

When I was in active weight loss, 2005-6, I kept the same schedule for a quarter (3 mos) and then reevaluated and changed.

Often this change occurred because I had maxed out of the level I was and needed to move on for more challenge. The simplest example of this was when I left Cur\/es to move to a gym. Or when I moved to a more challenging free weights class. Sometimes the change was forced as class schedules or facilities or teachers changed.

Whether it was a forced by circumstances or it was a needed because of conditioning, these changes were important to my process.

I have two notes on this:
1. I had to actually do the exercise CONSISTENTLY.
2. I had to learn to shut off my mind and do the work WELL.
to progress.

But every single time, the change was hard.

These changes are still hard.

I am someone who sort of sticks with the same routine. This can be dependable/consistent or sometimes it can be fear/anxiety.

I am still aware, every day, how easy it would be to fall off the wagon. Things still come up where I miss classes. And each time, as I go back, I am aware of how easy it would be to just slip away.

Just like we have lost bloggers in weight loss/maintenance blog land, I have lost classmates on a very regular basis.

Going back to class, this time, was hard. Those I don't wanna, I need a few more days, just this once flitted through my brain. I had to make myself. I had to get out of my own way.

Therapy appt reminder:
9am tomorrow.

Activation Energy

Go watch the video included in Hanlie's post. 


Speaker is Mel Robbins.


Here is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs mentioned it in the video, it has been on my side bar, under "psychological links" for several years. 


Here is the link directly to Youtube if you need it.


I would add, in my opinion, we have to prioritize within this concept. 


And we can establish boundaries (on all the other stuff) while we are activating our energy on our priorities.

Julie

Have been wondering and wondering about you. Hope things are settled down at your house and you are just busy with holidays. Drop a note when you have a minute please.

Milk Fat in combination with other ingredients

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is Martin Luther King Jr Day. Yes, I actually had the forethought to plug in a quote to pop up today as a reminder. And oddly, I am reading Uncle Tom's Cabin this month.  Two of my kids have the day off school because of the special day. One does not.


Foreword:
I do not write about food very often. Honestly, I don't think about food very often. I feel very mindful and centered on the topic. It is not a struggle because I know what to do and I do it. Thinking about food too often is an irritant to me. It is like a buzzing fly. I have stopped most of these irritations. I do not watch commercials. I do not let my husband, who seems like he is always eating, follow me around with food or talk about food. (yes, he really did stop and stayed stopped). I do not go to food based events. (I also would not go to an event held in a room of buzzing flies.)

So, if you are someone who enjoys when I write about food, be sure to leave me a comment, with your thoughts on today's topic.




Today's post is on Milk Fat:

I would not have known to think of it as Milk Fat if it were not for Jane.

Jane wrote:
"Let me be perfectly frank: I lost 220 pounds while still occasionally consuming flour, milkfat, sugar, chocolate, etc, etc, etc. I have maintained the weight loss with physical, emotional and spiritual clarity and real peace only by severely limiting first, milkfat, then finally: sugar. During the time I was still having sugar, I did not consume anything made with hfcs or any corn syrup. I only removed sugar from my daily plan in the past year. It was time. The addiction bell has been rung and you know it cannot be un-rung. "

I 100% believe what Jane writes is the truth for most of us. The addictive triggers might vary slightly from person to person.  But what she writes is the truth for long term maintenance for most of us.

In my opinion, in addition to addictive triggers:
The lifelong patterns of when/how/what we eat is also a factor. We have to do a lot of reprogramming.

Our emotional ties to food as a response to pretty much everything/anything/nothing is also a major factor. This is often labeled as 'inner work' in our process.

The chemical responses (like diabetes for example) are also a factor.  I have written, many times, at our highest weight if we limited ourselves to eating only at meal time, and eating one plate full, most of us would have lost weight. Most of us were eating (some part of each day) nonstop. I personally think that changes as we work down the scale. The quantity and the quality has to change from a chemical processing viewpoint. Again, body processing intake as a diabetic, whether or not we have been diagnosed, is a perfect example. I happened to gain that knowledge at the beginning of my process. I knew I had to balance healthy fats, carbs and protein within total calories. There are a variety of articles under "plateau and stall links" on my side bar.

Because I eat at meal time and because I keep my food in categories (dairy, veggies, protein, just a few healthy carbs), there is little wiggle room in what I eat on a daily basis. It is exhausting to me to figure out 'the math' on a regular basis. I stick to whole foods mostly because of nutrition but also so I do not have to figure out the complexities of carbs, protein, healthy fats within total calories. I also do not eat anything I do not know what it is. I eat things where there is only one thing listed under ingredients.  This pretty much eliminates anything except whole foods.

Another way of thinking about this is - I am always mindful of getting in my nutrition on limited calories. Too much of one category means not enough of another category.

Another way of thinking about this is - I am very aware of non-food vs real food. Pretty much anything processed (bread, noodles, etc) is non-food to me. I am very mindful of how/what I feed myself.

Back to milk fat.

I eat soup from our local health food store (this is the one that makes their own soup daily and gave us all the recipes for the youngest. She takes homemade soup to school for lunch every day.) on occasion, for lunch.

Last week, in the midst of THE AFTERS, I stopped for soup one day. It normally does not matter which soup I eat from this store. All the ingredients are whole foods. I eat a 16oz quantity. The carbs included are very low in volume and are whole foods carbs (quinoa, long gran rice, sweet potato, squash for example).

That day, last week, I picked Clam Chowder without a second thought. Yes I should have realized it was a cream based soup and that should have set off alarm bells, but it did not.

As I ate the soup, I thought, this might be the best soup I have ever had.

I got the soup as carry out and ate it while waiting for middle to get out of school (I pick her up, half days, every day).

All the rest of the afternoon I kept trying to think of how my errands might carry me back toward the health food store (it is on the other side of town) for more soup.


This is unusual thinking for me. 

I have written this before - I stay away from party in the mouth type foods. What I eat does not leave me wanting more, More, MORE. I stay away from foods which assault me. I love what I eat. But what I eat does not leave me wanting more. It is a very fine line.

So, as my mind kept going back toward wanting more of that soup, I gave it honest thought.

And I realized if I went back for more soup, there would not be enough soup.

One serving would not be enough, the entire huge kettle at the store would not be enough. There was no such thing as enough of that soup.

And then I realized it was the fact that it was a cream based soup and the problem was 100% milk fat.

I was able to make that connection (quickly) because Jane is very specific in her problems with milk fat.

Her milk fat sensitivity presented itself before her sugar sensitivity.

So I was able to figure it out immediately without any further food fall out.

But the desire for more was a tangible thing for the rest of the day. And part of the next.

It did not help in my week of AFTERS.

But I do not think it was because I was in the midst of AFTERS.

The milk fat content must have been high, because I do not have a sensitivity to low milk fat. I think it was the combination of the high milk fat in unison with other ingredients in the soup. I think if I went back, any day, any year and ate that soup, I would have the same reaction of wanting more, More, MORE. I have no interest in figuring out the combination that gets to me. It is much easier to just avoid creamed soups. Before, last week, I can't remember the last time I ate a creamed soup.

I can think of other combinations, which I will not mention for fear of setting someone's WANTS off, which I can't ingest ever and stay the weight I am. If I did that on a regular basis, it would just plain wear me down over time.

I like living so I do not have to fight with food or with myself, ever. 



clarifications:
I eat nonfat milk on my oatmeal every day (even 1% gags me).

I eat low fat yogurt* every day.

I eat low fat cottage cheese** on occasion.

I also eat tiny bits of  low fat pepper jack on occasion.  It is amazing how far I can spread 1/2 slice of cheese in a dish. And also 2T of low fat shredded mozzarella goes very far in my dishes.

I do not have a more, More, MORE reaction to any of those.

*Yogurt note: I eat 2% Fage Greek Yogurt most of the time (now/lately). I can't eat more than one serving per day. In other words, after one serving I feel very done. It does not leave me wanting more even though it tastes like dessert to me. I always eat it with walnuts so I am assured of getting my walnuts in each day. I can't eat the full fat as it 100% gags me - way too rich.

ADDED LATER: I started eating primarily FAGE (2%) while at Mayo. It was an easy way to get more protein in my day. I continued eating primarily FAGE when I returned home. Over the weekend, FAGE started gagging me. Too rich tasting (2%). I can handle a 1/2 cup, but not a full cup per serving. I have not yet tried low fat plain yogurt (not Greek, just plain/regular, low fat). I will try that to see if I do okay. 

**In fact if I get confused and measure out 1 cup of low fat cottage cheese by mistake (I eat 1 cup of yogurt but only 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, don't ask me why, I do not know other than Kay said so long ago), I can't eat all of the cottage cheese. I am gagging after 1/2 a cup, and I LOVE cottage cheese. I eat it with walnuts and pineapple usually.  Full fat cottage cheese 100% gags me; couldn't even get down a single spoonful.

What I did this week

Monday - yoga (one hour)
Tuesday - free weights and Pilates (one hour each, back to back)
Wednesday - slept*
Thursday - free weights and Pilates
Friday -  **Elliptical delivery
Saturday/Sunday - oldest home for the long weekend



Last week (1/2-1/8) I wrote I was very surprised free weights did not kick my butt after having been gone for three weeks.

Remember, the Mayo doc called so I missed Pilates, right after free weights on Tuesday (1/3). On Thursday (1/5), instructor was gone, so I took 2 back to back yoga classes instead. This is great for my balance, tone, inner mind, etc. But I do not count it as exercise for me.

This Tuesday (1/10), was in normal back to back classes. I kept up in free weights, but was barely able to keep up in Pilates. The combination of the two, after four weeks of absence, totally kicked my butt.

This is how it should be. 

Then I understood/remembered/ had it brought home in my mind - the combination of the two, back to back, is what works for me. Either class, on its own, is not enough.I have written this before - I am not interested in adding hour after hour. I have figured out how to do four hours (two sets of two hours) and have it be 100% effective for me.

On Thursday (1/12), the two classes, back to back, totally kicked my butt again. I was better able to keep up in Pilates, but I had to be the second jet pilot in my brain, just following the leader and pushing through the 'don't wanna' or 'can't'  feelings. I kept my mind as clear as I could and focused on the movement and the breath.

*sleep - On Wednesday I realized I had been carrying around a nagging headache for days/weeks. When the girls went to school, I went back to bed. As I did, I thought - this will either cure me or really mess up my sleep/bite me in the butt. I slept for several hours, woke with no headache and then slept better on Wednesday night that I had in a long time. Thursday was better too.

**elliptical - we bought an elliptical. have wanted one for years. have shopped for them many times over the years. we were prompted to take action by youngest's doctors as she needs to get cardio every day. The elliptical is for the days she is not swimming, biking, ice skating, or active in gym class. She is active most days in the summer, but not in the winter. MORE - I stopped going to zumba almost a year ago. I had the beginning of foot issues and was very cautious to avoid injury. Remember I got new shoe inserts. Then the zumba schedule changed. And then I picked up yoga classes. I have a call into Sabrina to help me figure out what I am doing and what I should be doing. I will write more about this later in the week. 


BOOKS:
I am listening to Uncle Tom's Cabin. I am about half way through the book. When I started, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish. Thought the topic might be too upsetting. So far I have really enjoyed it. Excellent writing. This book is referenced time and time again in other pieces of literature. One of those books that it does seem everyone should read.

If I have my dates right, I believe next week marks -

Shauna - Eleven years of blogging.

The story of the postage stamps

If you have been around this blog since the beginning, or have been a brave soul who went back to the beginning and read, you might remember I did a lot of cleaning out as part of my process.

There was one stretch of time where I took care of 10 things out of the garage each day. Didn't shift piles to another area of the house, but took care of them in a permanent way. We have a three car garage which houses two cars every day of the year. The third bay can hold the oldest's car when he leaves it for a winter (has happened twice), so it stays clean.

I also had a series of garage sales to get rid of my massive quilting supplies. What didn't sell I donated to a local quilt group.

I what not to wear-ed myself one weekend, taking care of every single thing in my closet. When I was finished, there was almost nothing left and I donated the outcasts that very day. Everything in my closet fits every day and my closet stays neat and organized.

I have gone through the whole house, including the garage and attic, many a time. I purge the kitchen and the common areas on a regular basis. We had two massive clean outs recently. All of ME's stuff was cleaned out in December, and last week the refrigerator and attached freezer were totally gone over (the one upside to a thaw-out).

When the truck came (fall of 2010) from my husband cleaning out his mother's house, I took care of all of that stuff so the third bay in the garage was empty again. And the final step to the last of the truck was rounding up all the orphan chairs (chairs from truck plus chairs from around the house) and taking them to a variety of friends' garage sales to sell. The last of the chairs (unsold) was then donated. No chair came back to the house or the garage.

One part of this process, I do not think I ever mentioned, was postage stamps.

In the process of cleaning out, over the years, I found dozens of books of postage stamps.

When found, I would take the stamps to the post office, buy whatever additional stamps needed to meet the new postage rate, and use up the found sets of stamps.

I started with a big pile of found books (they were just here, there and everywhere as I cleaned out stuff).

And then just as I would think I was almost done with the pile, and even use contemporary stamps for a while, I would find another book of stamps, and be back to it. That process took YEARS.

I finally used the last of the old stamps last year.

Then my husband started cleaning out stuff and started finding more postage books.

Middle used up a "happy birthday" set mailing our 2011 Christmas cards this year. The set almost covered all of the cards, just a few received contemporary 'forever' stamps.

When I came back from Mayo, he had found two more books of stamps. One was the darned flag stamps which do not have the postage printed on them. The other was crops of america for 39 cents each and were adhesive.

I am not sure how many more books might be squirreled away within his stuff. At least he is cleaning! His clutter level is terrible.

AFTERS

I am not sure if AFTERS is my term or if I read it somewhere else, long ago, and adopted it. What I mean by AFTERS is the very common phenomenon where we hold on tight, keep it together DURING an event or time of difficulty, and then when we think we are safely past, it bites us in the butt. This biting of the butt can be falling into counterproductive food, exercise, water, sleep or personal habits. The event does not have to be negative. I would say the event is anything that take us out of our normal routine.

Believe it or not, I did not have a label for AFTERS. I added one with today's post. I will query on the word AFTER and attach those posts to this new label, when I have time.


My Mayo AFTERS hit in waves.

And actually I am not sure it was just Mayo. Might be holiday afters added in there too. And also oldest going back to college after being with us for two full weeks.

When I first returned home from Mayo, I would have a couple difficult hours here and there.

A full week after we returned home, I had my hardest days.

I was expecting it.

I am still expecting it.

I have always operated on the reality that AFTERS can hit up to three full weeks after each incident.

And if the hit is hard enough, that can have sort of AFTER rebound effect for another three weeks.

The ripple can last for a very long time.***

I had almost four weeks of solid incident between my drawn out colon tests and our trip with the youngest to Mayo.

My state of vulnerability was/is shaky.

I am very careful.


"A comfortable home is a great source of happiness. It ranks immediately after health and a good conscience."
Sydney Smith


Last Sunday 1/8/12, 10 days after our return, had the makings of a very bad day.

I had not thought to have husband and middle take all the Christmas things down before we returned.

Last Sunday 1/8/12, in the midst of packing them, with middle and husband helping, I was not a happy camper.

Mental note - have him clean out refrigerator, go to grocery store, take care of anything out of the normal, before I return if I am gone for more than a few days.

Middle said she thought about taking Christmas things down while we were gone but didn't pursue it.

My husband would have operated under the (false) assumption I would have wanted them left intact.

But if they had called to ask, I would have known to say - take down everything but the tree. But I didn't think of it on my own, in the midst of being gone.

And remember, middle had the forethought to only put lights on the tree so that was an easy take down.

Husband also did not take gifts over to my mother when they went on Christmas day, as he thought I would not want to miss it.

He had also told me he would get something for my mother's husband and didn't.

He is clueless frequently.

Never occurred to me he would not take care of all of it, so I didn't double check. Note - to self, do not assume that because he said he was doing something, he did it. It does not insult him to double check. He appreciates double checks.

We took Christmas and her birthday presents over last week (1/1/12).

I said (to husband, with no malice) - I have nothing in mind for her husband and since the occasion;was already missed, I will just wait until I find something good, later in the year, and I let it go. I genuinely let it go, no grudging letting go.

That letting it go is real growth.

He also did not take middle to get her college books. I take that back, he took her to get them, but had not checked to be sure the bookstore would be open so it was futile trip. And yes, I had warned him the bookstore hours would be very erratic and to call first.

I let that go too.

We had our Christmas on New Years Day and I did very well with it. Did not take everything down that day as it was one of the few days of break the youngest had and oldest was going back to college the very next day.

But a week later, 1/8/12, taking everything down, was too much. But it was really the day to do it. Middle's college class has not yet started, she had time, my husband had time, I was sick of looking at the added clutter of all the holiday stuff.

I wasn't ugly on the outside, taking things down,  I was not complaining (much), just didn't help my day. Made me feel on the edge.

Mostly the refrigerator standing in the middle of the kitchen didn't help my day either. (It was fixed on 1/9/12 and now is working and in its place).

As soon as the Christmas stuff was done, Sunday 1/8/12, I started in on the youngest's closet and room.

She felt so bad through most of October and November that it had fallen an the wild side. She lost most of her Christmas break to Mayo. On Sunday 1/8/12, she worked on sorting things while I did the leg work. Still not great, but can walk through her room, all her clothes are clean and put away, and there is some semblance of order.

Pile of mail is next on the list (done 1/11/12, I dawdled for another week on this after arriving home, but then did it), then bathroom. Not only cluttered, but very dirty.

Prioritize, let the chaff go, keep facing forward.

I have not have problems with rumination though all of this.

I have not gotten sucked down the vortex (one thing starting the sucking feeling and then everything else that has ever happen, related or not related, making the vortex wider and stronger).

It gets easier and easier to find empowerment.

It is like a yoga practice, but it is life practice.



*** Not sure who, but someone once wrote a very good post. long ago, talking about after cycle in relationship to holidays, birthdays, vacations, illness etc. She was looking at the wave of afters which had the potential to last her whole calendar year. She mapped out a whole year, saw how there were many events in her life each month, and realized it was an even pattern throughout the year. It was sort of like the dominoes of her life. No gaps big enough to stop the momentum, if she let the negative pattern start. I am not sure if she was able to apply this knowledge as I can't remember who it was. But she had the potential to make a real change at that point, because she saw it clearly.

Chrome

I wrote a blog post and then sent it to oldest to edit. 

I wrote:

Do I have the right link, reference, terms? anything you can add for someone like me that wants this system (is system the right word?)?

He responded:

Made my suggestions bellow. Just my opinion though...

And it is not system, I think the term you are looking for is "internet browser".

My edited blog post is below. What I wrote is in white; what he corrected/expanded is in red.

BLOG POST:

While we were at Mayo, I was on the oldest's laptop. 

I typed a few things and discovered that an automatic spell check (underlined in red, right click for list of options) is provided with the internet browser "Google Chrome." This spell check feature works on any web page!

For example - leaving a comment on a blog - automatic spell check, typing a blog post - automatic spell check, typing an email - automatic spell check. 

I was thrilled. 

It wasn't quite an 8th wonder of the world, but for me, nearly.

I can't tell you how much satisfaction I find in the little things.

When we returned home, youngest extended my Google account (i.e. blogger account) to include my own saved "Chrome" preferences, such as favorites, homepage, etc. Youngest also set up a separate windows user account on our home computer so that I can keep all of my stuff in one place (middle, husband and I all use the same computer). Oldest and youngest have their own laptops. Middle will get her laptop next fall as she goes to college because we knew, two years ago, that it would be a very specific one, required by the school for early elementary education majors. 

Chrome is not the Cadillac of systems, but it is simple and functional. For me, the automatic spell check is well worth a few less options.

^

Just so you know, Chrome is considered one of the best browsers available today; and is best defined by its minimalist functionality. Everyone has their own opinion, but generally speaking: Chrome, Firefox, Safari, and a few others are generally considered to be the best browsers available. On the other hand, Internet Explorer is often considered to be of lesser quality and extremely bulky (think of multiple tool bars and a million buttons). As such, Internet Explorer is often the butt of jokes in the computer world...

As for the terminology:

Internet browsers are the programs one uses to view web pages on the internet. 

Examples of Internet browsers include:

browser name (corporation)

Internet Explorer (Microsoft)

Chrome (Google)

Safari (Apple)

Also, because Google owns both "Chrome" and your blogging service, the account you use for your blogging can be extended to include a "Chrome" profile. 

This Chrome profile allows you to sign in and access your favorites and other settings on any computer that has Chrome installed. This concept is analogous to you logging onto your blog from any computer that has access to the internet. 

Just fyi: this same Google account, that now encompasses your blog and Chrome profile, could be further extended to encompass things like: 

-Google Docs (Google's word processing client ~similar to Microsoft Word, but with the advantage of being able to access your saved files from any computer.          Google Docs allows multiple people to work on the same word document simultaneously from separate computers. This can be very helpful for group projects in college)

-Gmail (Google's email client ~ which is similar to YahooMail in the same sense that Chrome is similar to Internet Explorer)

-Calender (self explanatory ~ This is what I use to keep myself organized. It is nice for me because I can access the calender from my ipod)

Biggest Loser

I have seen all biggest loser's seasons except the first and the one that just finished.

When Jillian left and Anna came in (fall 2011), I could just not bring myself to watch it.

In retrospect it was more about Anna than Jillian.

New Year's Weekend, for whatever reason, I watched the series finale from season 12 (aired fall of 2011, so season just finished, finale ran on NBC the middle of December, and still was available on free On-Demand shows through my television service).

I could see they were trying to make finale format better, but I was not wild about changes as I watched the finale. Later I went back and watched the finale a second time and liked the new format. The first time - all I saw was change, did not keep my mind open. The second time - I saw what they were trying to do, saw why and appreciated that while different, it was better. 

 The first show of the new season (13) was previewed on the finale.

Watching  the clip of the new season - Bob is still there, and Dolvett Quince is back for his second season. I am pleased with Bob, I am okay with Dolvett. I think I could even get attached to Dolvett.

It just so happened the new series started the Tuesday after New Years. I recorded the first show and watched (I watch NO live TV, I record so I can blink through all commercials). I have to tell you I liked it again. And my recorder is set to record the series.

After watching the first show of the new season, I found the last 4 shows of the fall series were still available ON Demand (with the finale) and I watched those too. Anna is on them, but she is almost non-existent. And, I guess since I know how things ended, she has left the show, I was okay with watching.

I have mentioned this in previous posts:
I watch this show to see if I can pick out the one or two who are  going to get all their weight off and keep it off.

I look for the habits and viewpoints which are going to mature and apply and work 

All season I watch for the egos/habits/mentality that are going to mean regain.

I observe where people carry their excess weight and how it comes off their body. I watch how tone builds on their body. I watch the percentages.

I also watch the training. It is very interesting to me to watch the physical and mental part of the training.  I see a lot of things I actually do. And a lot of things I would never do (mostly because of my lower back).

I identify with the people who puke when the going gets tough.

I identify with the people who 'just need a minute' or have emotional reactions and then learn to be the second jet pilot, follow the squadron leader, and just do it, head held high, calm face, even breathing, sweat rolling.

I am always interested to see where people are at the finale.

There have been people who have gained weight between leaving the ranch and appearing on the finale.

 There are people who are at their lowest for the finale and then regain almost immediately.

There are people who lose weight and gain tone after the finale.

It is very much like weight loss and maintenance in blog land. The parallels are very alike to me. Sometimes it starts the minute they step off the scale and they only (ever, literally) see that lowest number once.

It is all interesting to me.

I know the game play annoys fans. Game play exists in real life. There is denial. A lot of denial exists in real life (and in blog land).

It is very interesting to me that I walked away from this show (and was okay with walking away, did not miss it) and now am back to it.

And immediately I was looking at the rolls that wrap around under the guys arm pits toward their back. Can't see it easily on the girls because of their sports bras, but on the guys it is obvious. That is my biggest area of excess skin. It doesn't make me crazy. Not getting plastic surgery. But somehow it helps to see that is a very consistent place it happens.

Also now fascinated by the pears. Fascinated by legs and hips as they loose. For years all I could see were the apple sections. Never could really see the lower half stuff. For some reason now it is all proportional in my mind. Took a very long time to see the big picture and not just see my challenging areas. Interesting.

New Yoga pants

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra


I am not big on the hoping, magic, lottery thinking topics, as you well know, but did like this quote. I guess I read this quote to say, you have to be able to see the prize (facing forward) in order to work toward your end goal. I guess I thought - have to be able to think it is possible (Kris telling me I could loose the belly fat if I worked hard enough, that is was possible).  I think it is more of a CAN DO visualization idea to me than wishful thinking idea. Hope alone does not work. Can't think X pounds by X time (in my opinion). Have to focus on what you have to do TODAY and then be able to apply it, every possible day.




YOGA PANTS:
I bought one pair of yoga pants just before we left for Mayo. I had shorts, but only had one pair of surviving pants. When I went to look for pants, I quickly realized I knew what I didn't want. I did not want pockets nor a drawstring nor bunching nor bulk. I wanted solid black that stayed UP on me in all positions and were very slim fit through torso and thighs. I found pants with tummy control built into them. The tummy control means they are nice and snug and stay UP easily.

When I buy one piece bathing suits from Lands End, I like tummy control in the swim suits also. But ironically, when I had an excess tummy, never liked the tummy control panels as they gave me a horrible muffin.

The thighs are also very slim cut. Waist comes up to just below my belly button and have a very wide band (more like a yoke) that fit really well.

My shorts are size S and XS depending on the cut. Interestingly, I needed a size medium in the yoga pants. I mention that as an example of trying on clothes. I probably tried on 10 pairs of yoga pants before I settled on the style/cut and then tried on 3 identical pair in different sizes to decide on size.

When I got back from Mayo, I bought a second pair. They are a different brand, but have the tummy control panel, wide yoke/waist, and are a very slim fit. Extremely pleased with them.

What I did this week

My first 'What I did this week 2012' of the year.


Monday - yin yoga
Tuesday - free weights
(missed Pilates when PED GI called from Mayo)
Wednesday - refrigerator repairman*, therapy
(I had not seen therapist in a month, but have sent texts and emails very regularly (on youngest and I) as she had asked).
Thursday - two yoga classes
(free weights instructor on vacation)
refrigerator repairman* AGAIN
Friday - youngest had PT and got flu shot

*Refrigerator is pulled into the middle of kitchen, unplugged and totally thawing. It has been that way since Thursday. Sunday - Wednesday it was not working, but at least it was not working out of the way. The best guess is some line froze between the refrigerator section and the freezer section. The refrigerator did not work but the freezer did. The refrigerator stuff is upstairs in the extra refrigerator. The freezer stuff is out in the second freezer in the garage.  Repairman is coming back Monday/tomorrow to see if it will work or needs to be replaced. My guess is I am entering week two of refrigerator annoyance. 

When I got back to free weights on Tuesday, everyone was very glad to see me and also had been wondering and wondering. I filled them in concisely and in a way that didn't make me feel self conscious (not too long).

After class the instructor asked me if I had been able to do anything (she meant intentional exercise) while I was gone.  I had been gone from class for 3 weeks (one week of CT colonography prep/recovery and two weeks of Mayo). I said that I had not, but I had been UBBER careful about my food. She nodded. I do not feel defensive over her checking in with me. It shows she understands and cares. Sabrina would have asked me the exact same thing. And actually Sabrina called to check on me yesterday.

I have been asking everyone I know to keep their eyes open for an elliptical. One of the yoga instructors sent a mass email out to people from my yoga studio. She said that I had been to Mayo with my youngest who is dealing with real issue and we needed elliptical as part of her treatment. This mass email actually helped as people in classes had a general idea what is going on with us. One lady did say she was pursuing a lead for me. Another woman said she had just gotten rid of her old equipment (sorry).


BOOKS:
I finished Watership Down this week. Yes, this is the one about rabbits by Richard Adams. I truly loved it. Not the type of thing I would normally read, but it was on my classic books list. Every word, just excellent. I would have read it to my kids had I known.

I am noting books, as I finish them, on my Sunday posts and also keeping a master list to post at the end of the year.

saved comments: Laura on habits

Laura wrote:
" I'm listening to an online sermon from Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in California (by John Ortberg). The sermon is about healing. 


"A key point from the sermon is: your will habits will always defeat your willpower. You might be able to overcome your habits for an hour or a day or a week, but ultimately your habits will win. 


"Your only hope is for a new set of habits. 


"Wow. This is so incredibly huge for weight loss and fitness. I will be noodling on this and keeping it in the front if my mind as I go into the new year. "

Mayo - the sleep

'the birds' re-enacted in a rochester, mn park.


Crows torment downtown Rochester


Abatement results so far are worth crowing about:

"Earlier this month, in response to complaints about great concentrations of crows around Mayo Clinic's downtown campus, the city hired United States Bird Abatement Services on a not-to-exceed $25,000 contract. 

"The contract called for disrupting the crows using high-powered lasers, air horns and trained "attack birds" — hawks and peregrine falcons. The company began work the week before Christmas."

One of those articles talked about the fact that the collective grouping of all the building, downtown at the hub of Mayo, generates HEAT. Our hotel included. We did not turn the heat on in our room and kept the window open slightly for fresh air. The heat generated by the floors below us (we were 7th) and the rooms around us, was enough for us.

I think it was the second night, we noticed that we heard great flocks of birds coming and going.

We live in Indiana. We are used to massive bird migrations. We are used to hearing great numbers of geese (for example) honking overhead.

We decided (Rochester) flocks must be crows as they were cawing. I am not sure I have ever seen, heard huge flocks of crows. We talked about the movie The Birds (I was the only one of us to have seen it).

Window left open (we were on 7th floor, no break ins) in the middle of the night we were woken by what sounded like fog horns in unison with crows. It was as if a large flock would caw in and then the fog horns would sound, and then the large flock would caw out. And we could hear other fog horns sort of answering from other areas (farther away) shortly after the flocks left our area.

It wasn't until youngest was being prepped for a major GI scope that the nurse explained to us about all the crow flock problems.

It wasn't until I was back home, writing this post that I web searched the issue and read the articles (linked above).

I think we slept with the window open every night. If the crow/horn thing started, I would simply close the window. If it never happened, or we slept through it, the window stayed open.

It did seem that it either didn't happen at all or it was sort of a seesaw thing where the crows would move from area to area around the city tripping motion sensors (or whatever system) and then moving back and forth between sets of trees for many hours.

This was not as annoying as it was interesting.


I also wanted to make note I have discovered an effective way to sleep without a lot of weight on my feet.

I grew up sleeping with cats and dogs on my feet.

yes, I have severe asthma;
yes, severely allergic to both cats and dogs;
yes, I was sick all the time as a child;
yes, my mother is a nurse;
no, my parents were not the brightest pennies in the practical purse.

It is amazing how hard it is to break certain kinds of conditioning.

(I know, food is a good example for us all.)

I have had to have lots of weight on my feet to sleep every since childhood. We think of this as the 'simulating cats' thing at my house.

Recently I figured out I can simulate that 'cat body weight' feeling by having my bed very well tucked.

I think most of us are used to having blankets long wise on our beds.

Our Amish (there are many different kinds of Amish, in our area we think of them as 'our Amish') put the top blanket or quilt on a bed side ways and then tuck it in thoroughly.

This side ways, tucked method keeps the air from getting in and keeps all the bed linens from sliding around AND also simulates 'weight' for me. At home I do this with a single flat sheet. It is under my top quilt so it is unseen.


Our hotel room had two double  beds and a very good quality pull out sofa.

The sofa was on the other side of a partial wall. The oldest stays up later then the youngest and I. So, he slept on the sofa so any light would not be in our eyes. 

Our beds were very well tucked when we got there, and I made sure to slide in from the top so they stayed firmly tucked.

My sleep was a struggle because of the stress. We had lots of very early morning appts. We had a lot of preps to do in advance of appts. So, my sleep was not stellar by any means, but I did not struggle against my bed set up.



Also, our hotel had a 'green' option. No daily maid service was -$5 daily off the hotel bill. We were welcome to call for more of any thing we needed (toilet paper, tissue, clean towels, new garbage bags) at any time.

I have been known to leave notes for the staff to PLEASE NOT TOUCH the beds.

I like my pillows and things just so and do not like them rearranged. I am not a mom who insists beds be 'made' each day. 

 I loved this green option. The door hanger stayed put all week and no one EVER knocked on our door for early morning house keeping. We slept as late was we wanted (on non early morning appt days and the holidays). The hotel was nearly empty we heard no knocks on neighbor's doors either. And $5 a day added up to a nice savings over the course of our stay.

Mayo - the food

I had an epic soup cooking session a couple days before we left for Mayo.

I made three kinds of soup for us to take with us to Mayo. I made two kinds of soup to leave home for my husband. And I restocked the freezer. I sent 9 bowls of soup (3 large servings each of 3 different kinds) to my mother.

We took a large cooler of food with us to Mayo. Our room had a refrigerator (the rectangle kind, not the little square kind), a toaster, a microwave, and a small kitchen sink/counter.

We drove to Mayo (10+ hours) on Monday 12/19. Tuesday we had no scheduled appointments. We figured out how to use the tunnel system.

Most of downtown/clinic is hooked up to beautiful tunnels. They do not look like tunnels, they look like wide hall ways. There are many stores and restaurants located in parts of this tunnel system including the library, an employee gym, parking garages, a church, etc. 

We stayed at the Kahler Inn and Suites (there is also a Kahler Hotel owned by the same company) which are both on the tunnel system. There are also hotels not on the tunnel system which offer shuttle service. We liked our hotel a lot and would stay there again. I personally felt being on the tunnel system provided a low stress environment. We were not worried about the weather nor timing. We knew exactly how long it would take us to get to each appointment and had time to go back to our room to rest or eat between many appointments. 

We found a local food coop and a Target and Best Buy and a good local grocery store.


Beside the soup I brought from home, in our room I had -

 - Fage yogurt/single serve fruit cups/walnuts (this is what I ate for breakfast most every day). 

- frozen veggies. 

 - the oldest brought two hard boiled eggs from the breakfast buffet several times. I liked these with cooked chopped spinach and a chopped avocado. ( I still ate an avocado each day we were there even though I was not eating my normal breakfast). 

Restaurant wise I utilized -

-  lettuce wraps from Jimmie Johns (turkey, cheese, double onion, tomato, alfalfa sprouts, sliced cucumber, mustard, I added my own avocado).  

- Mongolian Grill at HuHot. This was a pick your own food and they grill it in front of your eyes without adding anything place. We ate there several times as it works well for youngest too.  

- Two family style restaurants were I was able to get custom salads and Egg Beaters veggies omelets. 

I had a few rough patches with food while we were there.

Each time, I thought, this is what stress eating feels like.

I had a couple rough moments with food WANTS after we returned home.

Part of this was just plain AFTERS.

Part of this was because I didn't get to the store immediately (next time I will ask husband to A. clean out refrigerator B. go to store).

The kids were doing a bit of baking. After a couple wander by attacks with cookies, I had them package them per person and put them where I was NOT seeing them and all was fine.

I did really well.

It was totally foreign environment; I was under a lot of stress.

I knew to look for solutions.

I was answer oriented.

I have had a lot of practice this year. This was my third major trip in 2011 (Chicago, Washington DC, Rochester MINN). I have learned a lot.

Two important steps - knowing what to do and then applying it. Both parts are crucial.



And returning home, catching up on other blogs, I found this gem of a quote:

"I do note that while long-term maintainers who are moderate eaters who eat everything but only in moderation and never overeat or obsess over their food are rare birds, the ones who can plan to overeat one meal or plan to overeat one day and still remain on the right path the over 364 days/1000+ meals of the year are even rarer."

That is Jane. And it is true. Very grounding, This is who we are, this is how we are, this is what we do. It is not what people generally want to hear. They want to hear there is magic. I am comforted more by reality than magic.