Baked Rice

Just in case you were sitting around wondering how to make rice - here is a rice posting.

And I (personally) do not eat much rice. Maybe once every 6 weeks or so. I 'spend' my carb calories pretty frugally. And most of the time I would rather have sweet potatoes or squash.

But I do make rice for the kids. Actually about once a week they make homemade 'fried' rice.

Our version has NO butter and NO soy. I steam frozen carrot/pea mixture. I make scrambled eggs. I chop/steam baked chicken to warm it. I make rice. And then the girls mix their own (youngest eats chicken, middle does not).

If you feel compelled to use soy - I would suggest REALLY looking at the labels - even for the low sodium kind - the salt is staggering. If I were using it - I would add a small amount to the water when I made the rice - a little bit would go a long way with this method. I have heard that there are soy substitutes and I also know that low sodium terriyaki is much lower content than low sodium soy (but it is still WAY too high for us).

Here is a low sodium web site to poke around - I am not saying that I would EAT most of this stuff - because I so would not - but it might give ideas on lower sodium.

I had a rice steamer but got rid of it because aluminum liner.

Then I tried crock pot and it was a sticky mess.

Then I tried top of stove and lived in fear of burning it - which I did several times - mess to clean up pan - whole house stunk.

I thought that the type of rice might be my problem. So I went to the food coop because they are just a wealth of information on most any cooking topic.

A lady at the food coop told me that all the rices tend to be sticky. And Basmati (which I was using) was one of the worst.

She told me that I needed long grain, brown. And then she told me to bake it.

I remember an old rice casserole recipe that my grandma used to make. It had BUTTER and dry onion soup mix and water and rice (I think that was IT) so I so would not make it now - but it started with all the ingredients going raw/dry in a casserole pan and then baking in the oven.

So I already had the notion that rice could be baked. And then when I thought about a rice steamer - I thought - it is actually just heating the rice - so that really isn't different than the oven.

Food coop lady said that she didn't have exact instructions but she thought the rice/water proportions were the same as on top the stove.I didn't look them up - I just tried 3 cups water and 1 cup long grain brown in an old corning ware casserole with a good/tight glass lid.

I did spray the casserole and the lid before starting.

I put rice/water in a cold oven and turned the heat on 350 degrees and set the timer for 1 hour and 10 minutes. I had a pan of squash in there too.

With 15 minutes left, I got nervous about the squash (they were little) and turned off the oven and opened the door, but left the rice lid on and the pan in the oven (door open).

And rice was really good. It was cooked and was not sticky.


PS - I have done baked rice twice (more) since I wrote this posting - rice was the only thing in the oven and 1 hour and 10 minutes was exactly right (starting with a cold oven). I add 10 minutes to take into account preheating time.

I teach the girls to do this (cold oven, 10 extra minutes) so they are not putting something IN a hot oven.

When it is time to take something out - I have them turn off timer, turn off oven, open oven door wide and just let it set a bit (I do not do this when it is 100 degrees and and 80% humidity, but the rest of the year - this is what we do.)

My kids cook a LOT and they cook independently. They use the oven, blender, food processors, etc. all the time - so I just teach them in a way that avoids injury.

Girls are 15 and 11 if you can't remember. The 11 year old has been cooking since she was 3-4 years old - but supervised with the appliances then.

I would not be the slightest bit surprised if she went to chef school. And you would be amazed at how much she takes it all in stride. She and my mother e-mail cooking stuff back and forth all the time. Right now they are working on healthy pie recipes for Thanksgiving.

I grew up with women that COOKED. My grandmas were still making noodles and crusts and bread by hand - and everything from scratch - for most of my childhood. They both had HUGE kitchen gardens.

Mouse story

One morning the week that the youngest had the flu - the middle child was just out of the shower and getting dressed and saw a mouse (running across the floor in her room).

And when the youngest tells this story - she says - I was sick in bed, planning to sleep all morning, and the next thing I know the middle child is hissing in my ear - get up, get up.

We live in a wooded area - when it starts to get cold - they do tend to come in looking for a winter home.

The first thing that we realized was - if we thought my husband was Pa and would come running with a gun to shoot the bear - we would be sadly mistaken. He stopped to pee, he wandered around trying to decide what to do, he was NOT fast.

And yes, I could have taken care of it myself. But not that coordinated (to get it with a broom - but actually he IS that coordinated), so there was no point and I am not mouse brave. I was not standing on a chair screaming - but not running to it either.

Girls and I tried stuffing towels under the door - to at least contain it in the girls' end of the house - but did not work.

It would be more accurate to say that I found towels, handed them to the girls, and then went the other direction quickly.

The whole while the girls were actually tracking it - under middle child's dresser, scampered across the room, under youngest's dresser, under youngest's bed, under the door (despite the towel) and out into the house. Oh my.

Middle child will swim after frogs and catch them in the pool - And please realize how quick you have to BE to catch a swimming frog in a large pool! So she is not a scared kind of girl. Not that anyone would/could catch a mouse bare handed. So I think she might be a tracker at heart.

So I rounded up all the old mouse traps. I could only find a few. My husband rebaited them.

The first set up (round one of the 'laying of the traps') included two behind the washer/dryer, two by the furnace/water heater in the garage, one by the freezer in the garage right by the back door, two under the cabinet (where the elephant catch all lives just inside the back door), one under the hutch in the kitchen, one in the pantry, one behind the girls' toilet, one in the girls' hall.

I was walking around thinking - if you were a tiny mouse - where would you hide for cover?

If you read that and thought - that is LOT of traps - I did not feel that way - I was sure we had MORE traps but could not find them.

I then went and bought 6 more traps. I had to go to three stores to find any - and that store only HAD 3 packages of 2 each left or I probably would have bought more.

I put (baited and set myself, thank you very much) one under each girls' dresser, one under the bench in the kitchen, one behind the toilet in master bath, one behind the door in the computer room, one under the chair with NO seat in the studio.

I stopped by to check on my mom later that same morning. And I said - if you are having an okay day and would please come check traps later this morning, I would appreciate it.

She grew up on a farm - nothing yucky phases her. So she came with her gardening gloves and the youngest (home sick) got a flashlight and a big stick and the list (yes, we keep a list of where are the traps are), and they inspected.

BINGO in one of the traps behind the washer and dryer.

And the youngest said that she recognized it as the same mouse from her room that morning. (Who am I to say that a mouse is not identifiable? She said it was the same one - and I said okay.)

What are the odds that in a whole (large) house we would have ONE mouse, the middle child would SEE that one mouse, and a few hours later we would CATCH that one mouse?

No other mice scored that day. And my mom assured me that with the trap coverage that we had and the nice, fresh peanutbutter smear in each one - if there WERE mice - we would be scoring.

The next day I went to get something out of the freezer in the garage and realized there was a mouse tail visible in the upside down mouse trap by the freezer. I did take the time to relock the freezer and then went running to call my mom and say - when you are finished with breakfast can you please come over with your gloves??? She laughed but came right over.

The score was 4! One each in the two traps behind the washer, one in the the traps by the furnace, and the unappetizing one by the freezer in the garage.

Youngest said that they all looked like they were related. Evidently other years they have been all different colors and this year they look like multiples.

And my mom said they were nice and healthy with very good coats.

Youngest makes hash marks on the list so they know the mouse count and where they were each caught.

So nice that they are scientic about it.

I stay totally away - like put my fingers in my ears and hum - when they are on patrol with the big stick, the flashlight, gardening gloves, plastic bag, and the list. Ewwwww.



PS - the next day there was one (behind the washer) and then EVERY day after that there were none. But I still hear 'snapping' noises in my sleep. . .

When I was little I spent a great deal of time at my material grandparent's house. This was an OLD farm house on an actual farm. I slept in little room tucked in a corner of the downstairs. One night I heard a mouse under my bed. I heard its little feet as it went out the door, down the hall, and then heard the little feet make different sounds as it hit the tile floor in the kitchen, and then I heard a BIG SNAP.

I had some form of flu for a solid week.

I have been sick (down for the count) and therefore 'off' exercise for a full week. Actually it will be a week and a half by the time Monday class rolls back around.

Temperature, sore throat, nose, VERY bad cough, body aches, headache, etc.

Sick as a dog.

My mom and Sharla were both worried it would roll into pneumonia (at risk because of my asthma). I finally turned the corner yesterday morning. And am on the mend. Not great - but definitely on the mend.

I deal with chronic conditions (asthma, migraines, allergies, anxiety) on an on-going basis. These are pretty much under control - I deal with them - they don't run/ruin me (any more).

But I can't remember the last time I was SICK.

I think that anything that is respiratory related sends off sheer panic in me. My asthma was out of control for most of my life. Not only out of control - but also undiagnosed. So the mental fall out of this was HUGE in adding to my anxiety. I wouldn't be at all surprised if there was some mental archaeology way to uncover that it was THE MAIN CAUSE of my anxiety.

I was aware that the 'food might make it feel better-s' and 'poor me-s' both might rear their ugly heads at any minute.

Odd combination of HYPER VIGILANT and really taking care of myself - all week.

And I had to pull out the big gun - broth.

It was my own broth - homemade (so no sodium that was not naturally occurring in the onion, carrots, chicken, celery that combined to make it).

Broth is often on the 'free foods' list in many food programs. Me personally - have a problem with that concept if it is processed broth - because I think it turns into the clog/retention thing that is both physical and psychologically damaging. But assuming that broth is homemade - it is the BIG GUNS in my mind. Something that I don't normally use as a tool. But I sure did in my sickly little state.

I used broth as a means of soothing myself. Both physically soothing my body (head, chest, throat primarily) and mentally protecting myself from the WANTS. It was packed with vitamins. And it was HOT. And it felt like comfort. It was safe comfort.

And WHY did I think of broth??? - because I have been cooking it and writing about it for a couple weeks now. And the youngest used it when she was ill too (for homemade chicken soup).

I still ate my meals - and did not skimp on food. But I used broth in the middle of the morning and lemon herbal tea in the afternoon to DEAL.

And I am finally on the mend. I took care of myself. Was not able to exercise. Fed my body WELL. And did not gain weight.

This is an active process. It is a thinking process. It is a learning curve. It is part of maintenance.

don't even get me started on what people feed their kids. . .(aka the trampoline story)

I wrote about the youngest at her volleyball party yesterday.

And the second half the story (that came out as we were driving home) is that they had all gone out (to play in yard) after eating, and the same best friend had gotten her shoes muddy. Youngest stayed outside with friend (so she didn't track mud back in the house, why she didn't just take her shoes off, I have no idea).

And they took turns bouncing on the trampoline. One would sit on the edge/side and the other would bounce.

And the youngest (she is short, she is small) barely jostled the friend when the youngest bounced. And when the friend bounced - Tidal Wave. And the youngest said that the friend was VERY upset about this (she is heavy and tall; actually I think she probably out weighs ME by 15-20 lbs; they are both 6th graders)

And the youngest said to friend - Look I am short and I am tiny (this is the child that I will be surprised if she is much over 5' even as an adult). It is not so much you as it is me.

The youngest said that helped a little, but the friend was still upset.

Youngest said that she is noticing more and more that the friend is upset about her weight (this is the same friend that was mortified when her mother told us they had eaten McD's for dinner one night before a volleyball game - I was eating soup in the car waiting for the doors to open and they pulled up next to us - if you are trying to remember the circumstances).

And then the youngest said to me - it would be so interesting to have friend (and she mentioned another friend***) MOVE in with us and eat normal food.

Youngest said - it would be interesting to see what would happen to their bodies - just by eating FOOD.

She is eleven.



*Both of these girls have obese parents. The same food habits that support the parents' obesity is how both families are fed. It amazes me to NO END that people do not SEE this. What you do to yourself is one issue - in this day and age - to do that to kids is just beyond me. And whether or not the kids are currently heavy is just one part of the issue. Teaching kids habits that are guaranteed to get them into major trouble later - is just as much an issue. And, yes, I started out as a boxed mac'n'cheese mom too. Been there, done that. Learned and APPLIED.

Pig Out - one cookie, hold the frosting

ADDED LATER: Here is dumping post.


I hope that I can write this in a way that you can SEE it.

Youngest has irritable bowel. She is extremely careful about what she eats away from home. She packs her lunch EVERY day. And when she went to camp earlier in the fall - we packed all her food.

She is not particularly sensitive on the subject of her food. If someone asks her why she is not eating something at an event, she will tell them IBS. If they question what that means, she will explain. If they don't - she will leave it at that. And if they ask for details on the foods that she does eat (healthy, whole) she will talk about that too - but only if they ask.

Youngest went to an end of the season volleyball party at one of the other player's houses (5-7pm on a Wednesday/school night). And she ate (at home) before she went. And she knew she would eat again after she got home. So she went with the expectation that she would probably not eat anything there.

She and I did not discuss this. She needs NO food monitoring, NO pep talks, NO reminders.

And when she got in the car (after) I asked if they had served food and what it was. And she said that she had a funny little story for me:

She said they had some sort of Hawaiian Punch and Carry out pizza (I didn't even ask - because I knew she would NEVER eat that). And then she said that she did eat a cookie.

And this is the part that she found very humorous.

She said she decided to eat one cookie (chocolate chip and normal size - if you are wondering).

And she said (quietly) to her best friend that was sitting next to her, "I am going to pig out and eat a cookie". And then without missing a beat, youngest asked the friend if the friend wanted the frosting off of it. And the friend said to another friend next to her - did you hear that? - said she was going to pig out on ONE cookie and then asked if I wanted the frosting.

Youngest laughed and laughed.

If you live at our house - this is a very funny story.

The one cookie did not 'get her stomach'. But if she had eaten the frosting - it would have.

A lady at the old studio used to call that feeling 'seeing rainbows' - not exactly passing out, but feeling wobbly

I didn't realize how automatic my eating is.

One day last week - I happened to get up at 5:30am (normally it is 6am) and I always eat breakfast FIRST thing upon rising.

And normally I would have taken the girls to school and then gone to morning exercise classes and then eaten a snack.

But that was the day of the cooking extravaganza and the day of my new ONE cardio class a day schedule.

The end result was that I went to my noon class without eating again. And that was both dumb and understandable.

My eating is so routine, second nature that I don't give it much thought. And it was the first day of a BIG change. And I had been VERY busy cooking all morning. I don't nibble as I cook. So ironic and also normal to be surrounded by food and not actually even think about eating.

And the dumb part comes in that my sleep and my food and my water are a BIG part of keeping my lower back protected. Because if my mind is not with it - then I do not hold my abs in to protect my lower back. I realized this quite bluntly because I had one second of lower back pain at the end of class. I used my back bend and my updogs to bend my back the other way and relax it. But it was a real wake up call.

And all during class I just was not 'with it'. I would not say it was a waste of time - but I would say - I didn't LOVE it the way I normally do. And it was because I felt depleted. I needed to feel well hydrated and have supportive/healthy food in my system to keep me balanced and feeling energized.

I am using the label 'assaulted by food' but what would be more accurate is to say assaulted by NO food. And I am a lot smarter than that.

Hulk Bulk is (evidently) what it looks like to the youngest; Hulk Bulk is what it felt like to me

Ironically THE very day that Refrigerators On Legs posted, the youngest said something to me about how TALL fat people are. (and this is a small child - she takes after the Irish side of the family - I will be surprised if she is much over 5' fully grown. And yes, we use the word FAT at home).

And I asked her what she meant.

Her example was the The Biggest Loser. She said at the beginning of the season they are all so much taller than they are at the end of the season.

I showed her on my body how it is the bones that hold us 'up' and that the only way someone would be 'taller' was if they had a lot of fat on the bottom of their feet. Or, I suppose, the top of their head. . .

I told her that because my conditioning and posture improved so much - I actually grew a 1/2" with my weight loss. I was 5' 5 1/2" and now I am 5' 6". (Yes, I know, I might the only person you know that did this - and all the credit goes to yoga).

But I knew what the youngest meant - because I feel very small now. I know intellectually that I am the same height - but when I am in a group of people - I feel that people are towering over me. I think it is my over all perception of 'bulk' - back to the Refrigerator thing.

I also told the youngest that sitting down - there can be a HUGE difference between some one's sitting height thin and fat.

I carried very little in my butt. But I know someone that makes her tall/thin husband sit on a phone book (and actually it might be two) in family portraits because she carries much of her extra 100 lbs in her hips/thighs/butt. When they are sitting side by side - she TOWERS over him. She absolutely hates that feeling. Hence the book thing. (Notice it is not the losing weight thing. . .)

My husband is right around 6'. My son is just an inch or so shorter. No excess FAT on either of them - broad shouldered and developed chest/arm muscles - both look toned.

At my heaviest - I out weighed both of them - by a lot.

And I did feel like the Hulk next to them for a long time.

And this is also when I felt very safe - because I carried my weight in my torso - I always felt like if I dropped to the pavement in a parking lot - no ONE man was going to drag me into a van. Two men maybe - but not one. And when I hit my first maintenance - I DID feel vulnerable for a long time. I think I was actually scare for about a year - that first year of maintenance. I am still very careful in parking lots and do not park ANYWHERE near vans, but am not actively scared any more. And with this recent weight loss - I did not go through this 'scared' phase again.

Diane just wrote about this too - she said: "I was thinking about working out and exercise this morning and realized that it’s the weekend most of us here in the US turn back our clocks. Since I live in the mid-south, this means it gets light at about 5:30 a.m. That’s perfect for me because I like to walk/run in the early morning but don’t really like exercising in the dark. When I started losing weight as a morbidly obese women, I walked in the dark every morning and never thought a thing about it. As I lost more and more weight I began to worry about walking alone in the dark and stopped going quite so early. I think that true or not, I felt like the “bad people” waiting around the corner in my neighborhood wouldn’t have bothered a 300 pound Diane. (Not that I ever saw a single person that early anyway!)"

Actually it has only been since I dropped this last bit of weight that I FINALLY weigh less than my son. I have weighed a good bit less than my husband for a long time now. (Oldest weighs about 145-50lbs; husband 175-180lbs; I was 215lbs after my first 6 mos - didn't get on the scale at heaviest; I maintained for two years in the 150-155lb range; I am in the high 130's now).

I now feel tiny next to both of them - even though I am actually a wee bit taller than I was when I felt huge.

Maybe not 'Instant' but pretty quick and easy - homemade chicken soup

This sort of continues on from yesterday - what do I DO with those servings of homemade broth in the freezer?

I can always use them to make the base for a small quantity of soup for my husband and I. But realistically if I am making soup for us - I MAKE soup - a very large pan. All last week we had TWO very large pans going in the refrigerator - one was vegetable and the other was bean.

It really feels like soup weather now - the same way it felt like salad weather in the late spring, early summer.

And yes the girls eat that soup too - but husband and I will eat it every day - all week - and the girls might once or twice - but not continuously like we do.

I guess I had no specific ideas about the broth in the freezer - but I figured it out quickly.


Today's Post:
When the youngest was home with the flu - she was hungry for chicken noodle soup. I did go to the store and looked to see if there were any brands that had a REASONABLE amount of sodium. There were NOT.

And that was my line in the sand. We are done with packaged/premade broth and we are done with packaged/premade soup. Period.

I came up with a pretty quick, homemade solution that the youngest LOVED and will serve her well. And she can do it herself!

She takes a 4 cup frozen 'cube' of chicken broth out of the freezer and puts it in a pan (stove) (lid on) on a medium/high heat. If it is hesitant to release from container, she sets it in HOT water - it pops right out after a few minutes.

There is ALWAYS cooked chicken in my refrigerator/freezer. She easily cuts up chicken. (And if it was frozen - she would simply throw it in the pan with the broth to thaw. )

Then she gets a serving of fettuccine noodles (whole grain) and breaks the long lengths into thirds.

When the broth is boiling (doesn't take long) then she simple throws the noodles IN poking them with a spoon to stir/separate and to make sure they are all submerged.

She then puts the chicken on top of the noodles.

Cooks for 5 minutes with NO lid. After 5 minutes, she stirs, puts the lid back on, and turns the flame off. In five more minutes it is done cooking***. This makes two servings for her. She eats one and puts one in the refrigerator for the next day. And the next day one turns into chicken and noodles - because all the broth is absorbed by the chicken and noodles.

She LOVED this. She loved the taste. She loved the simplicity of it (can do it totally independently and when ever she wants because of how I stock). And she really loved the healthiness of it.


*** This is my standard procedure with the girls cooking on their own. If they leave the lid on and leave it on the same burner (we have big metal 'grates' on our 4 burner, flat top, gas top, restaurant style stove - it has an electric oven with speed bake - I LOVE the gas on top and electric below!!!) even though they have turned off the flame - pan continues cooking from the heat of the burner/pan. But both cool considerable in that 5 minutes. I feel better having them handle a pan 5 minutes later than HOT, HOT.

Our standard oven technique is to turn off the oven, leave the door open, and let the lidded casserole set for 5-10 minutes - just to take off the edge. And if they are serving themselves - they serve from the oven - so they are not lifting a heavy casserole out of the oven.

For pizza - they make their own (with an organic store bought crust) about once a week - they take pizza out of oven immediately. But they always use parchment paper between the 'cookie sheet' and the pizza. (I use the airbake, heavy 'cookie sheets' and love them). I have professional level oven gloves that go nearly to the elbow - so they can grab the 'cookie sheet' and slide the pizza (on its paper) off on to the table or counter. Then they just set the cookie sheet back in the open oven to cool.

(side note: Diane makes her pizza from scratch - here is the recipe.)

BROTH and SODIUM

I stopped utilizing processed, premade, store bought, deli made, broth and soup.

It is my current - sodium soapbox - line in the sand.

Here is a posting where I was learning to make broth from scratch.

Broth is now NO big deal. I either make the base purely from spice/vegetables or from a combination of spice/veggies/chicken.

The first time I made broth at home, I used veggies and chicken. When it was done cooking, I pulled out the chicken breasts. I drained the seasonings/veggies (through a strainer) and froze the plain broth. I picked the carrots out of the strainer (the girls ate them) - and I pitched the onions/celery/spices.

The last time I made chicken broth, I just happened to put on a crock pot of dried beans for 15 bean mix soup on at the same time. (It was a marathon cooking session. )

And that is when the light dawnith-ed.

I was looking at one pan getting ready to ADD things and another pan getting ready to strain the both. It was a no-brainer. But honestly, if I had not been doing them at the same time - side by side - I don't know how long it would have taken me to think.

I still pulled out the cooked chicken, strained the veggies from the broth, and froze about 2/3 of the broth (in 2.5 and 4 cup increments).

But this time I added everything in the strainer (carrots, onions, spices, celery) to the 15 bean soup.

I then just needed a few other things (the other 1/3 of the broth, chopped tomatoes, cooked bell pepper) to finish the bean soup. No waste and a lot of time saved.

Literally one day after that 15 bean soup insight, I happened to catch a Cooking Tip from Curtis Stone on The Biggest Loser. I was surprised when I saw it, because I think it is the first time I have heard someone else VETO using prepped broth (because of sodium).

And yes, I know there is low sodium broth, but even the low sodium is too processed for ME/MINE and I (personally) think for everyone - especially for weight loss and/or health problems. The one that I was using was 70mg per cup. It was sold with the shelf stable boxed soups (like a Rice Dream Milk box) and was an organic chicken broth. That was the second problem - middle child does not eat meat. The low sodium veggie broth had higher sodium content. There were a lot of things listed on the ingredients - I like the products where there are just one or two things listed. How much sodium is usually listed for broth? About 500 mg per cup and fat free broth is 900+mg per cup. Even with the low sodium processed broth - I would suggest (that if you were insistent on using this type of processed product) it COULD be diluted by half with water to get the processing components down even further. And I (personally) don't think anyone, anywhere, in any circumstances, should be using the fully loaded kind.

Then again, I don't get out much, and I don't watch cooking shows currently, so maybe this is anti sodium thing is all the rage and I am sitting here thinking that Curtis and I are lone wolves. . .

Curtis' suggestion is simple, quick and NO added sodium. He suggested simply boiling onion, carrots and celery (in a pan of water on the stove) to make broth base for any soup.

And if you don't like to chop - there are prechopped fresh veggies in most grocery stores and also in the freezer section (but be sure to read the label on the frozen stuff - sometimes sodium is added to frozen veggies).

So this really can be as simple as one, two, three. Just like anything else - it is a matter of getting in the habit of DOING it.

GREEN

Somewhere in the midst of Shauna's zillion comments is one from me.

Actually I looked, I am #55, and I wrote:

"I had to look for a long time to find this: Gwyneth Paltrow's studio and trainer from the Oprah show.

"And when I first saw this - I was GREEN with envy.

"Before today, I had not seen that clip in a long time.

"And I did not have the same reaction.

"I would still like to TRY that workout a few times. (I do not like HOT so they would have to install air conditioning for me in my fantasy).

"But I am VERY happy with what I am doing now.

"me

"here

"Shocking isn't it?

"I am dancing (Zumba) many times a week. And I love the speed and intensity of it. I actually crave it.

"It is fast paced and noisy and crazy - but somehow does the same thing for my mind that yoga has for many years (and it is about the total opposite of yoga as can be) and is a hell of a cardio workout with very little impact."

I remember how GREEN I was when I first saw that clip. It haunted me (in a green eyed monster kind of way) for MONTHS.

I queried on 'green' to see if I had written about other things that made me green with envy. After several organic food box posts came up - there was another one. And I was TRULY green over that one too.

Kris is long gone from the area. She moved to Georgia several years ago. And while I would still love to have her in the area, I did find a replacement.

And actually I like the replacement just as much (if not more). The replacement is Sabrina's Tues/Thurs afternoon free weights class.

Which I am not currently taking but considering picking back up after the first of the year when I get these last few pounds off and am back in maintenance.

And if the Sabrina class fizzles out at some point - I discovered a new Lisa (new Lisa because the first Lisa was my Beloved Iyengar Yoga instructor that moved to the east coast) that teaches a kick a$$ interval class.

Like - if I had another 20 lbs to lose after this last 20 (which I don't) I think she could beat it off me in nearly Jillian beating style (except I don't think she swears or hits or sits on people, but she might if I needed it. . .)

So, I guess the Green thing is all relative. Maybe nothing is the end all, be all. But at the time - it sure can seem that way.

Too much, not enough? Dealing well or taking advantage? Rationalizing or Reality?

When I was past it, knew the result, and saw the BIG PICTURE, I wrote this reflective one (from yesterday).

But in the midst of it, I wrote today's post:

Balance.

Even.

Reality.

All things that I have to keep in mind each day.

My youngest was ill most of the week before this.

And I think that I felt tired to the core. I know that THE day that she came down with IT in the afternoon - it was all I could do to drag myself to cardio that morning. (I think this was because I added new studio hard Zumba classes on top of what I was already doing that week - before she was sick - by Saturday - I was wiped).

And that first Sunday I was very happy to stay in my pj's and watch TV with her all day.

And then all last week I kept trying to find the balance.

I did one cardio class each day.

And frankly for me - that is not a lot.

I consider 30 minutes of good, hard cardio to be regular daily life.

Not warm up, not warm down, not stretching, but actual sweat cardio. If I was a mail person walking miles each day - it would be built into my life. But it is not. And I SO do not kid myself that sort of moving my arms/legs through space is any kind of exercise.

And I consider at least double that to be weight loss mode.

So with youngest sick last week - what I did was pick my most intense cardio class each day and attend just that.

And I questioned myself rather suspiciously about this all week. Because I am ALL about routine - not exercising can be just as much of a routine for me as exercising. And I am not above being a total bum. And I am not above looking for excuses.

And it was just plain hard (mentally) all week.

I would think - maybe I am taking care of myself. And then I would think - maybe I am purely looking for an 'out'.

And all week - I thought - if I come down with it NEXT week and am out of exercise for two whole weeks - I am going to be royally pi$$ed at myself. And then I would think - self you are still doing ONE cardio class a day - so this really isn't a whole week 'off'.

I struggle with this thought process - every day. I am not skipping along smelling the daisies. Finding the line - is hard. But when I find it - I recognize it - and am confident.

The Big Picture with a few well chosen pieces

I ran the kids to school on Tuesday and then came home (I was back home by 7:45am) and started cooking like a fiend.

I put chicken breasts in the oven, and put chicken breasts/veggies/spices in the crock pot (broth), I started tomato based veggie soup on the stove, started 15 dried bean mix in another crock pot.

My husband was VERY confused and frankly so was I.

Because I didn't go to ANY of my morning exercise classes.

I explained to him that I was hitting the new studio at noon for Zumba and then stopping at my favorite library on the way home.

I am weaning myself off most of my exercise classes.

And it feels odd.

I gave 30 days notice at my yoga studio a month ago - today is my last day there. (After she closed for two weeks this summer - I went down to just two Zumba classes there each week. Prior to focusing on cardio/Zumba - I had an unlimited memberhip and took a lot of yoga and free weights).

I gave 30 days notice at my gym (this is my 3rd or 4th time quitting there) Monday. I have paid for classes for another two weeks and then can do walk ins for $2 each to any class for the two weeks after that. So, I can go back if I feel the need during this transition time. But I am pretty sure that I will not take any more classes there. When I am in them now - I feel like I am wasting my time and exposing myself to injury for very little benefit. It is a moving my limbs through air kind of feeling. Not an intense sweat feeling.

I would like to say that I purposely staggered these 'shut downs' so that I didn't totally freak out, but the reality is that I forgot the gym required 30 days notice (after this many 'quits' you would think I would have the procedures down pat). And with my track record of always thinking - this time the gym will work - I should have signed up and then immediately given my 30 days notice. If I got to the end and it was working - I could have stayed for another (but given notice again). My own version of month to month - and No, I have no idea if they would go for that or not.

I am looking at 'landing' back in maintenance - because I am very close. How am I going to exercise? I plan to start putting forth LESS class time - than I ever have before since I starting this journey.

Less time - much higher quality.

If you are confused - I have two options for you to consider -

1. Debby's Tabata Post and Sandrelle's Body Shock Post.

or

2. I had a sick child last week. I averaged one cardio class per day for 6 days. I chose my most intense cardio class each day (which was the new studio most of the week). And I still lost a pound. Another way of looking at it is I attended 6 classes, but skipped 6 other classes, and still lost a full pound.

Eye opener - isn't it?

Intellectually I KNEW this all on some level. Because Colleen (instructor/personal trainer that mentored me - had her for classes but never worked out one on one) tried to explain it to me during my first or second year of losing.

But I think I had to get past my anxiety and learn where all my body parts were and how to use them to REALLY understand. And I guess I am finally to that point. The light dawnith.

Sandrelle's Compass of Mystery

If you like to have something to look forward to
Sandrelle is starting a scale series that looks promising.

Sandrelle's intro:
"Here are ten factors that affect the number you see on the scale:
1. Fat mass vs. Lean Body Mass
2. Water and dehydration
3. Salt consumption
4. Carbohydrates and glycogen
5. Hormones
6. Food/calories
7. Exercise
8. Stress and emotions
9. Medical conditions
10. Sleep/rest

In the next few posts I'll go in depth for each one of these factors to help you understand The Compass of Mystery... "


Sandrelle is in maintenance after losing 100 lbs. She is a certified personal trainer and an RN. She had infertility/premature menopause at age 35 (fear, anger and depression). In February 2009 she got very sick and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and had surgery to remove her thyroid in May 2009.

Refrigerators on legs

Because of my equilibrium problem - I stand in the back of my new Zumba class. Any form of dizziness is better if one looks to the horizon line (instead of up or down). So running (for example) I look to the horizon rather than looking down at my feet and yes, this means I have to be on a good quality surface.

In the back of the room at Zumba - I can see the instructor move as part of my total vision without actually looking down at her feet or up at her hands. I am far enough away from her that I see her whole body. (she did ask why I always stand so far back and I did explain this to her so that if she ever has someone else that has a dizzy problem - she has suggestions for them).

So this automatically puts me with the newbies - because they hide in the back corner.

So, I was standing near two newbies at Zumba on Saturday. Actually another lady and I had the back corner so the newbies were right in front of us. Yes, I am sure they were hoping we would trade spots - but not doing it.

And the newbies were built like I used to be - what Alicia calls Mrs. Doubtfire with a different head (I will never be able to get that image out of my head and now you will not either - you are welcome) and I formally thought of this of as 'female football player build' a very solid/packed torso. Or (this is ungracious of me - but how I did think of myself) refrigerator with arms and legs - I suppose this is left over from William Refrigerator Perry that played for the Chicago Bears. And now you will not be able to get that one out of your head either - you are welcome.

And newbies made it through the full hour of the hard (my new studio) Zumba which was a real accomplishment.

And (on) what did they comment at the end of class?

Wow what a workout - ? Or WE DID IT - ?

Nope.

It was all about how they felt when they looked in the mirror.

Can you relate? Or remember?"
(Depending on where you are in process).

For me it is remember - but I don't have to remember back very far.

It was NO small feat that they made it through a full hour of this level of Zumba. They weren't moving as fast as everyone else - but they were moving. And they didn't cry, leave, sit out, stand there and just watch - they tried the whole hour. A real accomplishment.

And I could NOT have done that class when I first started. Correction: I would not have thought I could do that class in the very beginning. I would have thought - I was in too bad of shape. My knees and back were a wreck. My asthma was out of control. In other words - My anxiety would not have let me.

I had to LOOK for this harder level of Zumba. It is not the run of the mill. Do not let this scare you away from trying it. And I ruefully notice that it is mental. If I run to the bathroom and come back to class - standing in the doorway - just about to step in - I think - I can't do that. And I just have to say - shut up and MOVE and I do.

99.9% of this process is getting out of our own way.

I stayed out of the mirror conversation - but I did listen as I stretched. The instructor/owner said to them - you are not alone - other people have a hard time with mirrors. There are places you can stand where you can't see yourself. That is how other people handle it in class.

That was a good safe answer. They feel how they feel. They see what they see. There is no point in even getting into all that. If the mirror bothers you enough that it is all you think about/see - stand in a spot where you can't see yourself. Deal with it. Empower yourself.



But OH do I remember catching sight of myself at odd angles and having internal heart attacks at fat rolls. (and this assumes that the fat rolls were what they saw - I suppose it could have been their positioning - but in my experience newbies in anything - can't see their positioning even if the instructor tries to show them - so I am 99.99% sure that it was their body image/type that hit them smack up along side the head).

I think my biggest problem with this was actually during my 2 years of maintenance - in Sabrina's afternoon free weights class. We would be doing something where we were turned to one side or the other and I would catch sight from a weird angle. And there it would BE in all its non-glory. Raw. Painful. Blunt.

When I think of that and look at pictures. I am amazed that I made it two full years (I maintained at 150-155lbs, I am 5'6" and 48 years old) with that added layer of fat. Because all 20 lbs of the 'extra thickness' was all on my torso. A bullet proof vest layer of extra me.

I understand there are disordered thinking situations where the person looks in the mirror and sees things that are not there and is NEVER happy with what they see. And that is not me.

My reflection in the mirror NOW is pure feedback on my form. I am checking my lower back, my posture, my UPness. I do not see bumps or bulges or fat. I understand and readily admit that is because the bumps, bulges, fat pretty much aren't THERE anymore. So maybe what I am saying is that this is confirmation I do not have a body perception problem. I see what is there and I don't see what is no longer there.

And the mirror doesn't phase me.

But I remember what it felt like when it did.

And for me - that didn't sink me. I didn't avoid classes or the gym or working out because of it. I found spots where I couldn't see myself - and empowered myself.

Candy = Rocks or should I say Rocks = Candy?

I have an old candy dish that belonged to my grandmother. Heavy, clear cut glass with a matching lid. It used to set on a large table in her living room. It very much feels like a part of her. You know?

Do I use it? I do - but not with candy.

I bought polished rocks. I actually bought polished rocks that remind me of candy. I do not see them and think - eat Candy. I see the whole thing and think of my grandmother.

I have other dishes with shells. And I have some that contain buttons.


PS - don't click on this Halloween Candy Calorie count link (and self sabotage) if food talk sets off your WANTS. And I always think it is interesting that other bloggers list things like this and don't add a line that says - 'these calorie counts are assuming that you EAT ONE and not the whole bag. Or you can EAT ONE and not eat half your house later that same day. Or you EAT ONE and it sets you on a path that come next February you are standing on the scale wondering exactly what happened.' Because I think that is the more important message. Rocks are safer. . .

PPS - here is Lyn who did a very nice job talking about perils of candy.

Who knew that buttons were for buttoning

ADDED LATER:
I am still wearing them - but they will be SO much better with new bras.





Today's post:

I rediscovered two sweaters in my closet.

One is navy, the other is tan. They are identical in style. They have large buttons and are long. Both are size medium. It isn't this exact one, but close. Mine has bigger buttons. And the weaving lines in mine while still horizontal are more subtle.

I bought these sweaters some time ago, but then didn't wear them. I think I bought them at the end of a season when it was too hot. And then I think the next fall I was REALLY into my jackets.

And then as this fall rolled in - I thought they were NOW too big.

But as things got colder (yet) - I put one on (out of desperation) and BUTTONED it.

I know buttoning a sweater does not sound like a revolutionary concept - but for me - totally new thing.

I buttoned every button - all the way up to my chin. And I loved it. And I was shocked.

Because buttoning every button is not something that EVER worked with my old chest.

Things did not stay nice and flat with my old chest. I had bunches and gaps and a whole host of other problems.

And these sweaters - that WERE too big when they were hanging, flapping open in their unbuttoned shape - were PERFECT buttoned.

Learn something new every day.

And I have TWO of them - to keep me warm all winter.





PS - I LOVE my old Christopher & Banks clothes.

But when I stop by the store now - there isn't anything that I like. I want to say to their buyer - stop doing so many round neck openings. And don't you KNOW about horizontal weave and worse yet - horizontal stripes!!! And please watch What Not to Wear so that you understand about fitted and know to avoid most boxy shapes!

When I look at what I HAVE - it is as if the purchasing/design department totally changed - because the old stuff understood these basics and the new stuff does not.

Food for thought

Did I feel food deprived in the beginning?

I truly don't know.

When I started to think and to plan, did I have a sense of loss?

I truly don't know.

I remember that it was very hard.

I remember spending nearly a whole year learning to contain myself.


I wrote about this the other day on Leslie's blog (it was this posting if you are wondering) and then copied my words here to save them:

"I have sympathy for what you wrote. I can not begin to tell you what to do. But I did have several things from my own history that popped into my head as I read your words.

"I do not think that any of us can put a time line or a result date on our process. I think all we can do is to work our own plan each day. One day at a time. Maybe we can look so far ahead as to plan a week - so that we can build in our exercise days and our rest days (and maybe carb up days and carb down days if one is following a macro type of plan in conjunction with their exercise). But I think making long lists and planning our progress on the calendar is a mistake. One day at a time is best. And sometimes it is one hour at a time. . .

"I think that secrets (spending, eating, sex, or whatever) play a BIG part of the problem for many of us. It gives the power to the secret. And when we stop keeping secrets we empower ourselves.

"I could not be trusted with cash for years. Because I would buy the wrong foods with cash, but for some reason would not with a credit card or check.

"I suppose the cash kept the secret and the others left a record. I kept NO cash on me for YEARS. And I still keep no random cash.

"The only cash that I keep - to this day - is planned cash - where I need a certain amount for a certain event. And even with NO cash - I kept my purse in the trunk of my car for YEARS (I still do most of the time out of habit).

"I had a drive thru problem and keeping the purse in the trunk (with NO cash) was enough to STOP that. If I would have had to keep just my driver's license in the car with me and put the rest of my purse in a locked safe at the bank in order to stop my away from home eating - I would have done that. I would have done whatever it took to stop sabotaging myself.

"I spent a lot of time in self imposed time out until I could trust myself not to eat NON-food. It took me a year of solid effort to learn to eat whole foods, to eat ONLY at meal time, to eat portions, and to eat a balanced meal. I spent a lot of time sitting in the corner - staring at the wall - getting myself back under control. I understand now that this was impulse control. And I would sit and stare at the wall and BAWL over the awfulness of it.

"Once I started yoga and learned to quiet my mind and BE in the moment - this started to get easier and easier. But I paid my dues of learning to DEAL with the moment and the feeling - rather than stuffing it down.

"You will hear people say - get in the bath tub. And I did that - not to soak away in dreamy bubbles - but to literally contain myself until I could trust myself. Sometimes that meant I let out the cold water and refilled - MANY times before I could trust myself to get out and walk free in the world of food and feelings.

"I have heard people say that it is easier to stop drinking - because when you stop - you don't ever HAVE to have another drink. But eating is something that you have to do (and therefore harder - or hopeless as some people like to think). The difference for me is thinking of FOOD and NON-FOOD. Most people do not binge on food. Most people binge on NON-food. And it is possible to live a life of never eating NON-food again. Just like not drinking alcohol again.

"And do not under estimate what might be 'perking' inside. I think that the accumulation of things in our lives can really add up without our realizing it. Each stress-er on its own might look manageable - but all together - they add up for each of us."




I understand now that what I had to learn was

PURE IMPULSE CONTROL.

It was less that I REALLY WANTED the foods that I ate - it was more that a thought would flit across my brain and I would follow it.

So, I am not at all sure that it was the actual food that was the problem. It was more that not having what I wanted, when I wanted, was the adjustment.

Volunteering for something, buying something, eating something, doing something, saying something.

Pure impulse. So little thought, so little long range SEEING.

I think this bothers people - I guess because I used to avoid fit people, I just didn't know what to say

HISTORY of the title - Colleen comes to mind. Because the first time I met her - I actually didn't meet her - I avoided her. And then when I was ready to start my process and needed guidance from her - I CALLED her on the phone. (Colleen was one of the first Personal Trainers who mentored me and then taught classes that I took. We never worked one on one in a traditional workout format, but she was a wealth of information. ) And years later Colleen told me that day that I avoided her - she noticed me - huge homemade denim jumper, white/white tennis shoes, not talking to really anyone. The shoes are what sticks in my mind. They were the only kind of shoes that I could wear then and I had a new pair that I wore as 'dress up' when I went out in grown up places. Which wasn't very often. And that is why they were white white.



Today's post is NOT about Colleen. But my mind immediately went to her. The lady from today's post is someone I knew several years ago. The end of today's post is - she didn't recognize me. If I hadn't said anything to her, she would never have known it was me.

She didn't let this on at first. But then later told me that it took several sentences and hearing my voice before she realized it was me. She said that if she had just seen me from across the room - she would NOT have recognized me (or the middle child who has grown up a lot).



Today's post -

I saw a woman at a school play over the weekend that I used to workout with at the gym. And that was 30-40 pounds ago (on me).

And she looked as if she has gained 50 lbs in that same amount of time. So, my guess is that she is now carrying 100 lbs+ of excess weight. I can relate - that is nearly where my starting weight was.

I wanted to say hi to her and see how she was doing and catch up on her kids. But I didn't know how seeing me was going to make her feel. And then I was worried that if I didn't say something and she saw me, she might think I was avoiding her - and that would hurt her feelings.

And remember - I do not usually seek out people - and I was at a 'crowd' event. (I do very few 'crowd' events.)

So I sat for the first half of the play trying to decide which was the lesser of the evils and wondering if I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Would it bother her to see a peer, and realize the peer had processed and she had de-processed? I didn't know. I still don't know. Would that thought enter her mind? And if it did - would it bother her? Do people personalize these things? Or is it science/reality?

In the end - I did go say HI at intermission.

She did tell me that I looked great. And when people tell me that - I totally accept it. I no longer point of this flaw or that. Those days are long over.

And she did not try to explain about her own process. I was very thankful for that - I never know what to say when people start rolling down their list. I understand the lists are valid - but we all have them. But what exactly does one say? It makes me cringe.

I heard the fallout of her weight (without having her even mention her weight) in what she told me about herself. And what she told me is that everything is hard. (And I remembered being in that place with that everything is hard.) She is an RN who is now required to work 12 hour shifts. And she said she spends her days off either recovering from work or preparing to go back to work (she works 2 days a week - not 5).

And I know that 12 hours are hard on RN's under the best of circumstances. (And carrying around 100 extra pounds is probably not the best of circumstances.)

So, on my end - it was a cringeless conversation and I was glad that I did say HI.

But I do wonder what she thought/felt.

Is there a left over echo from seeing old workout buddies?

Because I hate the niggly feeling that when I say HI - I might be ruining some one's day. . .

Maybe people don't think as much about the passage of time as I do. The woulda/coulda/shouldas have been one of my hardest challenges. And maybe that is why I wonder if my presence sends others into the land of woulda/coulda/shoulda.

Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I am the only one that struggles with that feeling. Because I am here to say that if I was working out with someone several years ago and then gained twice what I was trying to lose then and ran into them and they had lost the rest of theirs - it would ruin my day - utterly. But maybe that is just me. And maybe that explains why I am down to these last few pounds. Maybe it goes with the thought process.

And as I sat there during the first half of the play - trying to decide whether or not to say hi - I was very aware of that the day that I avoided Colleen. The Colleen day - I was wearing a huge denim jumper and that night at the play I still had on denim. But it was my one pair of jeans that are now nice and lose.

And when I went up to greet the lady at the play, I was slipping between chairs (set closely together in rows) without even moving any of the chairs. And the day I avoided Colleen - I was huffing and puffing up a flight of stairs - truly worried about my knees.

Part of being near the end point of my scale journey is that I am so aware of where I was, and where I am. Much more so than when I was mid process or even during my two years of maintenance. So when I have a chance meeting with someone like this, it has greater meaning to me, much MORE than it would have even a few months ago.

Last organic box of the year

My husband ran to pick up the last organic veggie box last weekend (I was at Zumba). We caught the last 6 weeks of this growing season. We re-enroll next February for the following season (delivery then starts in May I think).

The last box was a treat.

Cooking pumpkins, which is new to me. I can't tell you how excited the youngest was about learning how to do this.

Pop corn still on the cob - I asked the youngest if she felt like Laura Ingalls Wilder tying the stalks together and hanging them in the kitchen. (We have quilt racks built in to our wood work - so there are knobs all over the place for drying things. If you look on the wood part, above the quilt, in this picture, you can see the knobs. I have bought FAKE things to hang on these knobs, like strings of fake garlic, and now we have real things.).

Lots of different kinds of peppers and dark greens and tomatoes and squash and celery and onions and potatoes.

I gave, any pepper that was not a bell, away all 6 weeks. Because I didn't have time to figure out how to use them and how hot they were. The ones that came in this last box I gave to my mom and she is going to figure them out so that next season I will know how to 'do it'. I have been freezing the bell peppers so I have them for soup all winter. I have never frozen them before, but figured since tomatoes are freezable - then bell peppers probably are too.

If I had more room in my freezer I would have bought several bushels of Roma Tomatoes and froze them this winter. Freezing is my plan for next year. Strawberries, Romas, Blueberries, Bell peppers (assuming this works okay). The freezer in the garage does NOT have a hymidifier (or is that a DEhymidifier) on it like the one in the kitchen and tends to promote ice crystals. So that is something that I will have to figure out (like if I freeze them in the kitchen freezer first - will that stop the crystal thing?).

Box included two sets of sticks with leaves. My mom and I think that these are Rosemary and Sage. They are also (now) tied into bundles and hanging from knobs in the kitchen.

We got a lot of squash - acorn, spaghetti, butternut, buttercup. I was not familiar with butterCUP. I actually dug through the bin in the produce section at the grocery store to identify it. Youngest and I LOVE squash. I just have to time it so that I eat it early in the day (I consider it a carb and not a veggie).

Fat Body Watching

I understand more about my fat rolls from watching the fat, shirtless men on The Biggest Loser than I have ever understood from looking at myself in the mirror.

I am specifically talking about breasts. Fat layers in the breasts themselves and the fat layers that wrap around the sides and on to the back of the body.

This is all much easier to visually dissect on men.

I guess it is because women do not walk around topless.

And while the men DO indeed have man b00bs, they do not have major breasts. It is easier to see the 'construction' of the men's fat deposits. I guess there is just less body in the way and the ring of fat is more easily seen on the men.

I am fascinated by this.

I watch them pull off their shirts and go up the steps to the scale and my eyes are all over that ring of fat wrapping all the way around their body at the chest level.

And then as their fat decreases, week by week, I watch to see how that ring changes.

The only other part of the Biggest Loser body parade that keeps my attention is belly buttons.

I watch the fat pockets around the bellies change. I watch the excess skin droop. But mostly I watch the belly buttons. They are like anchors in a sea of fat. It is amazing how much they change as the fat decreases and the tone increases. At some point in the middle of the weight loss process, many bellies look like dog faces to me. The belly button is the nose and the skin drooping on either side looks like jowls on the face of a dog.

My own belly looks like this. Very little fat left, but drooping skin. Not really depressing - just reality.