What is "getting to goal" and what is maintenance???

I have been reading a number of blogs where the person is nearing their "goal" and decides to "settle" in somewhere along the way.

Me too. About a year ago.

Actually I stand corrected:
I was within 5 pounds of goal and having lots of psychological problems and I decided that in addition to not loosing that additional 5 pounds, I was going to regain 5-7 and stay put (spring of 2007). Then because of a medicine reaction (binging) I gained another 10 (October 2007).

In many ways, it was taken me nearly a year to feel "even" about all of this.

Long ago on Amazon*** we were talking about the scale, and I said:

“If it makes you feel better about the wobbly numbers, I think of those little fluctuations as SETTLING - you are settling into your new (LOWER) number."

"The scale creeps down, a little up, back down and STAYS for a while."

"Then in creeps down, a little up, back down and SETTLES into the new number.”

An even Keel.

For me - this is still so true.

Almost exactly a year ago, at 145 lbs (goal was 140) I started having a difficult relationship with the scale which lead to a difficult relationship with food.

I think it started innocently enough with trying to get a true picture of my weight. I weighed myself naked, before food and water, and after poop - EMPTY. This behavior was not new - but at 145 pounds, it brought out a whole set of eating disorder behavior.

I wanted to stay EMPTY. All day - every day - EMPTY. I truly didn't care if I never ate again. The anti-depressant that I was on at THAT time (spring 2007) amplified this behavior - it brings out anorexic behaviors in some people.

Regaining those 5-7 pounds made a big difference. At the time - I thought dumping the scale made a big difference too. But now I know that I didn't need to dump the scale - I just didn't need to have the "empty" ritual.

I know a lot of other bloggers that have the empty ritual too.

If they are going to a meeting with a weigh in - they often skip meals, forgo water and forgo resistance weight work.

Taking off the shoes and wearing the same clothes - I get - that just makes sense. But if the skipping meals and foregoing the gym leads to over eating or non-exercise later - they might be dealing with disordered thinking too.

So, even though I am supposedly on THE RIGHT antidepressant NOW - accidentally triggering that eating disorder thinking - of being EMPTY and staying EMPTY is always in the back of my mind.

It is like the robot in Lost in Space shouting Intruder Alert*** - except my robot shouts - Disordered Thinking Alert.

(***if he actually shouts something else and I am confusing this with Star Trek - sorry)

Recently, I have upped my weight resistance work - considerably. I am building more muscle. My body is still toning and changing. I am still working on loosing that extra 10 pounds (from October 2007).

All of that has lead me to lots of thoughts about "what is maintenance" to me now and "what is regaining" and what is the difference?

When I was in my loosing mode - I weighed in EVERY day and followed a 2 lb UP leeway guideline. It has been a LONG time - since I typed 2 lb UP leeway. If you want to read more about this - click on the "2 lb UP leeway" label below.

Now I think that maintenance - for me - might be living within a 10 pound swing. I think that my safe low is 150 pounds and my maximum allowable high is 160 pounds. Both of those weights place me in the normal range within the BMI calculation.

If you are wondering about clothes - there is very little difference in that 10 pound swing. I am toned. When you touch me - there is pretty much no squish anywhere.

I am weighing myself again - but in the middle of the day - NOT EMPTY. And not every day. Just once a week or so, as I think of it.

My food is mostly stable. My water is stable. My sleep is very stable. My exercise is regular. I strive to keep myself "even" as much as possible.

I wrote last week, that if you "just tuned in" this might all seem like it is a bit too easy for me. But it is not. It is just lots and lots of practice and lots and lots of cold reality.

This blog isn't the tale of weight loss - this blog started after most of the weight loss work was done. And when the weight loss work was done - I didn't think that I was done. The work continues. The effort continues.

This is maintenance - my style.



PS - 2 (out of 50) drafts used so far

***If you don't know what I mean by Amazon - Alicia talked about it this morning too.