Last 20 lbs Series - WHY loose more weight?

ADDED 10/26/09:
I didn't see the big picture of what was actually the catalyst when I wrote this blog. What I thought was I decided. I think what actually happened is that I realized I COULD. I had started Zumba and my weight started to slide off. I went from holding at 155lbs (middle of the day, full weight) to 153lbs. It just sort of slid off. And then Helen started Macro. And I think that it subconsciously just dawned on me that I could. And then when I stepped up my cardio and rearranged my food (paid closer attention to carbs). It just kept rolling off - fairly steadily. And then exercise classes changed and I kept stepping up the QUALITY of my cardio. I spent less time exercising - but a must higher burn when I did. And you might say that I Zumba-ed off my last 20 lbs. Because I think that is what I actually did.


Original post:
I decided to do this as a series of links on my side bar so that it is all contained.

Recap: I spent two years losing most of my weight. My original plan was to go down to about 140lbs. At 145lbs and on the WRONG meds - I started to have more pronounced eating disordered behavior.

Eating disordered behavior can be two sides of the same coin - at high weights - one kind of symptoms - at lower weights - a different set of symptoms - but all disordered - eating disordered thing.

So, at lower weights - reimforced by the WRONG meds - I liked the feeling of being empty and dehydrated - and that was reinforced by the scale.

I stopped getting on the scale, got my meds corrected, and took my weight back up to 150-5lbs (which is the high end of the normal bmi range for my height and age).

Symptoms got much better - I started finding EVENness. I then held - with those conditions - for 2+ years.

Here we are today. The fifth year of this process. There is some type of symmetry about losing for two, holding for two, and then doing something again.

I am healthy. I only have the normal amount of chaos. I am not (yet) pre menopausal. I am very close to having all the fat rolls gone. And I think on some level it has bothered me that I never got TO my 140lb mark.

I have decided to drop my weight a bit more, so that I am in the low end of the bmi for my height and age, and then maintain. I have figured out that to have all the fat pockets actually GONE - I need to be in the lower end of normal (bmi).

Is this disordered thinking? Pushing myself to get to the bottom? I personally don't think so - because I have held for two full years. This is not an impulsive thing. I have toned and tightened. What is left is FAT. Fat pockets to be exact - back, under arm, right at the bra line is one place, love handles are another, a pooch at the belly. None of these are terrible. I am not standing in front of the mirror crying. They are just there - and I am so close to having it all gone.

I can maintain with it GONE - just like I maintained with it there - with roughly the same about of food and exercise. So, PUSH to get the last bits off.

Will I do this in one big push? Don't know. I have to stay EVEN. So, will just see how things go. But I tend not to do things half way. If I am doing it - then I am doing it - no messing around - no repeats - no half trying.

Do I consider the last two years (maintenance) to be stalling? Nope. I think it was a VERY smart thing to do. Because I learned how to maintain. I can do it. I can do it consistently. I can do it and stay EVEN.

And the silliest reason of all to lose my last bits and bumps - ? To buy a pair of jeans and some new sports bras. I have been holding off - for a year - because I hate to buy things and then undergrow them. I have not felt like I was to my final size. And this summer seems like a good time to just do it.