The Blame Game

I am aware that I used to play it and now I do not.

Was IT part of the problem?
or
Was IT a necessary step to figure out the blurry line between ME and the rest of the world?

Don't know.

I could make the argument hold - either way.

I suppose my husband and my therapist jump to mind now as very easy, non threatening example.

Because my therapist would ask me something about my husband and I would often say - that is in his head - or that is in his lap. Meaning that he has to deal with that himself. It is not something that I am willing to 'fix' for him. I am not talking about drama - or serious things - I am talking about the regular things that living with someone else brings.

Does this mean he screws everything up? (most days I would answer NO to that, but some days I have to tell you that I might say yes).

Does this mean that I would let something get totally screwed up just because it was HIM and not me? NO.

I am not talking about spite here.

spite
n.
1. Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
2. An instance of malicious feeling.
tr.v. spit·ed, spit·ing, spites
1.
a. To show spite toward.
b. To vent spite on.
2.
a. To fill with spite.
b. To annoy: He did it just to spite her.Idiom:
in spite of
Not stopped by; regardless of: They kept going in spite of their fears.


I suppose I AM talking about serenity.

God grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

The second half of that is for Cindy - she has commented before that the first half is always used and the second half rarely. And she loves the whole thing - together.

When I stopped playing the blame game. Things got a lot calmer in my head. It got easier to understand and make better choices.

The past became history - instead of over shadowing, coloring the present.

I suppose that the past became a sort of reverse foundation. Like learning what NOT to do with my kids. And learning what NOT to chose in my own life.

I suppose the past put the responsibility of my history in someone else's lap.

And the responsibility - of now - in mine.