maybe it wasn't as fast as I thought it was (Zumba class mini meltdown)

I am at 1,500 posts today***.
That is a lot of posts.

I have not reread them all - actually I never re-read (most of them) after the week they post. Every once in a while I am back digging in my own archives looking for a date or an event and reread a few. No cringe factor. More just remembering how I felt then and comparing it to how things are now. I notice the differences in my perceptions.

Do you remember this posting - the day that the music was too fast and the moves were too jumpy and I left Zumba class? And I thought I was 'right'. Remember that I told the Yoga Studio owner that I thought the music was too much (and unreasonable for most of the women that attend the class)?

As I have pondered that posting - there have been many days since then - in Zumba - where I have thought - is this the same CD that she played that day that was too much - only now it is not too much - now it is normal?

I haven't asked - I haven't worried about it. It has just occurred to me - in many classes since then - that it was probably my perception that day - rather than the music/moves.

At the time - no one would have been able to convince me - but now I think it was ME.

I think that one of the key factors - two teenagers in the class with me - and the instructor. And my perceptions of what I am able to do - shifted because of it.

I was the weakest link.

I have noticed several things about my perceptions in Zumba. If I watch the moves - instead of making myself just do them - they look too hard. If I keep the mental part out of it and clear my mind and just cue my body to move like the instructor's - I can do the moves - no problem. Stop and analyze - big problems.

And

If there is someone else in class that is a weaker link than I am - then I do better. It is not so much trying to show them up - as it is being able to relax and encourage them. I guess it is like having a buddy.

This topic - Zumba Run Out of Class Day - recently resurfaced at my house. That day of the unfortunate Zumba class - the two teenagers in class - sisters in fact - live on the street behind us and attend all the same schools as my kids.

And the oldest ran into them at a neighborhood party. And the first thing they said was - your mom was in class with us one day - got tears in her eyes - and ran out without saying a word.

I didn't say a word to them or the instructor - but did stop in the doorway and tell the owner at the front desk that I was leaving. And just last week - another lady did this very same thing - and I didn't think it was odd. I actually thought - she might have had phone in her pocket on vibrate and it went off, she might have to leave early for an appointment, class might have been too much for her. I suppose the difference was that she didn't look upset to me - and I must have looked upset to the teenagers.

Do they think something specific about this? I don't know. Maybe they thought I was a big baby - maybe they thought I was hurt. Don't know.

But MY oldest teases me (gently) about this.

When something happens he says - so is this the same, better, worse than the day the music was too fast and you ran out of Zumba in tears? Or if I bring something up about him (that he doesn't like) he says - shall we talk about one sad day in Zumba? Only he doesn't call it Zumba - he calls it dance class.

And I don't know that I actually WAS in tears - that is the teenagers' perception.

It sort of keeps it all in perspective.

And like writing it here - it opens up the possibilities to learn from it - rather than hide it or bury it. It isn't exactly a cringe factor. It is a perception ponder factor.

I have been back to Zumba since then - in fact I don't think I have ever missed a Zumba class (at the Yoga Studio) with this instructor - I was late one day last week and she commented on the fact that I am very dedicated and good about always being there - and she was wondering where I was.

As long as I am talking about tease factors - here is the second one:
The oldest occasionally pinches my inch. He (gently, not mean spirited) pinches the fat that is on the back side of my underarm - at my bra line. Yes, one of my remaining fat pockets. And asks me 'so how is this going for you?'

And I think I need that sort of thing.

Now when he does this - the middle child pipes up in an indignant voice and says - she is working on her last few pounds so that (hopefully) that goes away.

But even if/when it is gone - he will still bring it up - saying shall we talk about the inch that we used to be able to pinch?

He is old enough to remember my REAL fat. He does not say a word about that. (I typed that and then asked him - and that is the making of another posting to appear sometime in the future - his answers were not what I thought they would be).

The girls 11 and 15 really do not remember - I was just mom then - and am just mom now - kids are not all that interested in parents. They have a vague idea that I was bigger - but if they saw a cardboard cutout of me - or saw me strap on a fat suit (Biggest Loser - how far you have come show each season) - they would be shocked. I probably would be shocked too.



***actually 1500 was the day before yesterday - this is 1502 - but this posting fit (better) into the batting order here - so what is a girl to do?