Boundaries seems to the big step I needed on a lot of levels

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over.

unknown

I love both these quotes.

And they explain the viewpoint I had to change as part of my process. It is closely tied into the martyr thing. It is closely tied into the victim thing. Both of those (specific) visions changed very early in my process.

But it wasn't until the year of the boundaries (2010) that this expanded concept fully changed.

It wasn't until I could see the line between me and them and know I needed to be responsible for myself that things fully changed. It was like the last piece of the puzzle.

Only it is never the true last piece. That is an ego statement. We continue to be works in progress. Like yoga, I think our lives are ever in practice/actively working. Maintenance is probably the most obvious example. 

This was brought home to me this week as I finished Uncle Tom's Cabin.

This is a story I never would have been able to read/listen to in the past. It would have sunk me.

When I started it, I had no intention of letting it sink me.

I was okay with starting it, evaluating how I was doing, and returning it (unfinished) to the library if I was not doing well.


Not doing well could have manifested itself with rumination, a sucking vortex of thoughts of past incidents, food wants, sleep problems, prickly interactions/socialization, etc.

I did very well with Uncle Tom. It was very well written (it is on the 100 books everyone should have read list).

I could keep the boundary of me and the characters in the book separate as I listened ( I listen to all books on CD in the car).

This is not to say I am going to listen to books with sad things in them 100% of the time. (Or listen to books that are 100% sad.)

But I seem to be able to take some sad in stride and keep perspective. The same could be said for Watership Down.  I normally can't be involved in anything with animals (childhood trauma* after childhood trauma* with animals). I did very well with that excellent book too.

Onward and upward.







*Trauma is one of the words we all know when we hear it, but looks so odd (to me anyway) when typed. I had to double check the meaning after seeing how funny it looked/spelled:
trau·ma  (trôm, trou-)

n. pl. trau·mas or trau·ma·ta (-m-t)

1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.

2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.

3. An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.