Baby Steps V: Jill on Attachment Theory and Overeating

Is it okay to quote yourself?

"The hardest things we all have to do is get ourselves going and then get out of our own way. . .

Take heart, I am here to say, one can navigate all the changes. Not all at the same time, but with a steady pace and determination and focus. Things tend to present themselves, one by one. We fix one little thing and then continue doing it. And then we fix the next little thing and continue doing it. Prioritizing and focus sort of steadies us against the volume of change."

And, I am able to understand and apply the fact, that for me, it is easier to stay on track than it is to get back on track. I try very hard to be my own best friend and not to make things harder than they have to be. Because they can get very hard.

The Years (in a nutshell)

I was born in 1961 and am 5' 6". I am married (my husband and I have been together since 1982, were married in 1986) with three children. I have a college degree and have been 'home' for over 20 years.

I did lose weight once before and part of that story is here. I worked hard on food. Was NOT exercising. And did NO work on the inside parts. And yes I regained. That posting is VERY long, should probably have been split into three different topics, but I have left it as I first wrote it.

(The VERY beginnings, of the story, of this weight loss journey are NOT on this blog. I was not blogging then. This blog starts at the tail end of the first part of my weight loss. )

The end of the story, end of initial weight loss, maintenance, and then additional weight loss and maintenance again, IS ALL here on this blog. There are over 3000 posts talking about all the odds and ends connected to weight loss and maintenance. Somewhere long ago I wrote - if you think I have gotten off topic - look again - it is all sooooo inner-related.

My process started, accidentally in 2004. A friend of mine had her husband die unexpectedly during the summer of 2004. A couple months after the funeral I called to see what I might do for her. She said she wanted to join Curves and wanted a buddy. We agreed on a good morning time. I said I would just be there during that time and if she came she came. So, fall/winter of 2004 I went 5 days a week to Curves so I would be there if she showed. And I stayed (working on equipment) for an hour so if she was running late, I would still be there. This set the foundation for my workout practices that continue to this day. And this effort ended up being how I accidentally found my food solution.

I was on the equipment at Curves one day in the spring of 2005 and the owner was talking to the woman next to me about a food/nutrition/weight loss class that was starting that day. I went to the class. It explained how some people can loose weight watching calories while other people must watch carbs/protein/fat within calories to lose/maintain weight. So, as you can see, I understood THE most important factors for insulin resistant bodies right from the start of my journey. This undestanding made ALL the difference. That night, at the class, we took a test to see which type of body we had, and I understood and from the beginning was able to apply.

This is why I don't know my highest weight. I didn't get on a scale until a week after attending that class in the spring of 2005. I weighed 214 lbs (5'6"). It would be very interesting to know my fall of 2004 weight. It would even be intesting to know my one week before changing my food habits weight. We will never know. I contacted every facility/office that might have any records for me. I list of my weight history is in a link under 'things about me' on this same side bar. There were very few records for the years just previous to my process.

So, getting into my (original) goal range was 2 years almost exactly - 2005 and 2006. I concentrated on learning about food, exercise, and all the other basics like sleep. I started my yoga practice and got brave enough to join a gym. Here is a posting that gives a recap of my thoughts about all the changes I have had to make over the years with exercise facilities.

Then 2007 was all about tone and getting on the right psych medications. I found my therapist and then, in turn, added my psychiatrist. My original goal was 140lbs. But, I ended up choosing to stay in the 150-155 lb range. I was in "maintenance mode". And on the way to maintenance mode, I had a few interesting twists. Read this one first and this one second . Here is a posting that talks about what (my original) maintenance mode ended up looking like (to me) when I got there.

2009

The year of surprises - my insurance changed (January) so that my therapist was not covered. After a couple gasps for air - my therapist and I decided that it was probably a good opportunity. A good chance to wean me - see if I was ready to stand on my own two feet. The second surprise was my deciding to lose more weight . After two years of maintaining in the 150-155 lb range (high end of normal BMI). I decided to drop a few more pounds (low end of normal BMI) and continue to work on tone. I actually hit my new goal range Thanksgiving week and went back into maintenance. How ironic is that? There is something very empowering about finishing. I now maintain in the 134-136lb range. Those posts can be found starting late June 2009 and continue-ing through November 2009 OR in my 'last 20 lbs' section. (The link puts the most recent posts on top. If you want to read them in order, start at the bottom. There are over 85 posts in this section - it spans 6 months of weight loss time.).

2010

Still in maintenance at 135lbs (5'6" and age 49). Moving forward by working with my therapist again. The lost layer of protection/last 20 lbs brought all kinds of emotional changes with it. There is a collection of posts called 'The Last 20lbs' series talking about the feelings that popped out when the last 20 lbs came off my body. So, I am back to really working through the emotional side (with guidance) so that I get back to EVEN. Spring - back to free weight and yoga classes in addition to Zumba. Very tough restarting free weights (like keep with it - don't ever want to have to restart that again!) Summer/fall - I lost my bookends - mother's second husband went in nursing home and my husband's mother died. Two huge (positive, but major) changes in my life. My weight bobbed up a bit, up 3lbs over my ceiling, in Sept/Oct and I did not like it. New medication for sleep so I had energy to get back to solid exercise. Realized I need to hug the 'floor'. Look for posts around 10/13/10 for more information. Two cancer scares - mole (9/2010) and lymph (12/2010) removed - both were fine. time out to heal meant two exercise restarts - always hard. Ended year with my weight back down to normal and a nice flat/happy belly. It is wrinkly, with extra skin, but no flab. This is the year that ME came to live with us. So increased to four kids.

2011

Still holding at 134-136lbs, 5'6" and turned 50 in the spring. Went back to pilates February of 2011. Condensed my workouts to two back to back hours every Tuesday and Thursday - free weights, pilates. Kicks my butt each time.

Went back to very regular yoga classes in the fall. I shoot for 4 classes a week and average 2-3.

Had a really rough time right around my birthday (March) when I realized I had one idea of where we were headed (as an extended family) and my mother thought something different. As most tough things are, in the end, it ended up being good for me. I refocused on my own kids. I made sure I was my own deal and not tied to extended family. This was really important. By the time summer rolled around, I felt like I had better boundaries established and my priorities were in better order. By fall things were better still.

This is the summer oldest was on campus for internship, middle went to Europe, Europe girl then came here for a
month, ME's best friend was in town for 2 mos, and then ME moved in with another family for 6 weeks. We were in Chicago many times. We were in Washington DC for Thanksgiving.

Every week brought a major change for me with comings and goings. I watched myself carefully and tried to do things to help myself so I felt positive every day.

I learned to set boundaries with ME too. By Christmas she had moved on to another family. Sometimes that is what happens with boundaries.

This is the year oldest and I were with youngest at Mayo (almost 2 weeks) over Christmas.

Take What is Helpful and Leave the Rest

I share information about my journey- gladly - by blogging. There are over 2800 posts here on my blog.

And anything that is helpful - take that information and use it as best it suits you.

And any information that is not helpful - just ignore it and leave it here with me.

There are a variety of links below. I have most of these links backed up (with full copies of the article saved in my own archives). So if you click on a link and are not connected, let me know and I will update it with a fresh link to my saved copy.

Vickie wrote (in comments attacted to this posting):

I always link breastfeeding and weightloss (in my mind).

For some women, breastfeeding is VERY hard. Emotionally, physically, whatever the difficulty, these women have a TOUGH time. And they often think that they "can't". I think the answer is actually that every woman CAN, it is just not as easy for some as for others. What has to be worked through is different.

I never think weight loss is a will power thing. I think that different people have different issues. And so much of the time the perception is that it is a physical difficulty (hormones, injuries, whatever) when I suspect that our weight is often an outward expression of a lot of inner difficulties/psychological pain.

Barbara: "I often remind people that their new eating habits are a gift they are giving themselves. “If you are going to give yourself that gift,” I say, “then DO it! Don’t pull it back at the last moment just because of the Christmas cookies!”

"I think that maintainers understand more about this gift than dieters do. This is because we have to experience a period of prolonged maintenance to “get it”; to feel the true benefits of changed eating. While staying at a lower weight is part of that benefit, it is often a smaller part than we might have expected. The gift we receive is a feeling of being in healthy harmony.

"This harmony allows us to enjoy powers of energy, a new smoothness of mood, a feeling of strength, and a body that stays well when other bodies fail. Escaping from the daily fear of illness – that’s probably the ultimate maintenance gift."

Leslie again: "Where I am today is a direct result of beginning the sober journey and finally growing up and daring to face myself. At a glacial pace, but always with progress. Putting down booze was a cakewalk compared to ending my eating disordered patterns, and stopping drinking was HARD. In AA, they say that the only "thing" you have to change is "everything". Long, slow, hard, endlessly rewarding. Layers upon layers slough away with the sanding tools provided by the 12 steps of the AA program and other suggestions of the program that surface over time."

Leslie:
" There's a saying in AA: "It's easier to stay sober than to get sober." This has endless relevance for all recovering alcoholics, but especially those in early days of new found sobriety and peace after the heaviness of an alcoholic existence. Things are going well, and then something happens: a wedding, a death, a loss, a work issue, or even just a sudden desire to drink that comes from out of the blue. Many folks do relapse a few times before this adage sinks in, and find that once a relapse happens, it gets just a little harder to do it the next time. Stopping drinking the first time is almost always easier than stopping subsequent times, because the mechanisms of obsession and compulsion get more firmly entrenched and resistant to change. And that's definitely the same with food addiction and bingeing."

Hanlie (comment is here): I think people have trouble tying consequences to their choices. Ultimately they don't want to change and in the process they sacrifice not only their own well-being, but that of their children. These are often the same parents that would emphatically declare that they only want the best for their kids. The thing is, your awareness and the way you live, is not the norm and most people have been so conditioned to function within the norm that they can't see that it comes at a huge cost.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Amen.--Reinhold Niebuhr
From my Blame Game posting.

Hanlie's book review post:
In Kathy’s own words -
"Many of the tools that are mentioned in this book come down to one basic concept: Loving and respecting ourselves enough so that we can focus on our own need to find balance in our lives. It’s about raising our self-esteem so that we can find the strength to reach whatever goal we wish to achieve, whether the goal is a healthy weight or something else. And above all, to feel connected, so that we do not try to fill the emptiness of feeling disconnected with excessive amounts of food."

Shauna (Dietgirl): "Weight loss isn't about willpower or motivation; it's just the cumulative effect of tiny actions over time. Putting down the chocolate bars, putting on the running shoes. You just have to keep picking yourself up when you fall, over and over again, for however long it takes."

Another Shauna Quote
(on Lyn's blog):
"It's taken me two years of maintenance to admit this to myself - weight loss and maintenance are pretty much the same. When I was in weight loss mode, I hated when people said, "Weight loss is SO easy! Just wait to you start maintaining little missy - that's where the real work begins!" Grrrr! Neither of them are easy. They both can be really, really sucky sometimes. I've discovered I need the same basic, never-say-die mindset as I did for weight loss. Things like taking one day at a time, setting goals, trying to make the healthiest decisions I can, focusing on my positive actions and not beating myself up for the crappy ones, and most importantly, just never giving up!"

And this is soooo good that I am not quoting - take a minute to go read the whole thing.

Vickie Said: I love to read those Warrior Heart maintainers write about their feelings and drive and effort. I have read everything (I think) that Shauna has published - her whole blog, her book, and now am enjoying her blog book tour.

Barbara: “How about looking at maintenance with a completely bold vision? Maintenance is nothing short of a complete remodeling and re-envisioning of you and your relationship to the world. To do this, you must both embrace the world in a new way and utterly reject other parts of that world. You must embrace the natural world including sleep cycles, physical activity, interaction with the sun and the elements and the foods that are original to man. You must reject modern eating patterns, the intrusion of man-made stressors like the constant presence of noise, media and artificial environments. You must become a rebel. An original person in a world that largely moves in an unthinking mass. "

This is the image that I focused on all morning: I am standing in open ocean water - on a wooden post. If I make the post very small - then it only holds one of my feet and it is hard to balance. If I make my post a little bigger - I can balance on two feet. I am not waiting for a boat to come in and save me. I am not trying to swim the whole ocean. I am also not trying to build a whole island at once. I am doing what I can. I am staying up out of the waves. My post is small but secure. I am shoring myself up - on my post - for as long as need be.

"We cannot help the birds of sadness from flying over our heads, but we need not let them nest in our hair."

It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any sort of self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized. (translated from I Ching, an ancient Chinese text and shared by my psychiatrist.)

Briefly stated, the three laws are: An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force. Force equals mass multiplied by acceleration. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. (Laws of motion by Sir Issac Newton)

Lisa (downtown Yoga instructor that moved to NY state spring of 2007) once said - "You don't have to start OVER, you just begin again - from where you are."

"I've learned you get to your goals in a zigzag manner, and you have to enjoy the zigzag."

and

"All the little pieces of myself came together. I no longer think in terms of black and white: extremes don't interest me anymore." (Lorie Marino, Model/Designer in February 2008 issue of MORE magazine)

MORE Quotes.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Jill on Attachment Theory and Overeating

Baby Steps V

Adding one from Hanlie:

Jane wrote:

Is it okay to quote yourself?

Yes, it's me (Vickie)

The Years (in a nutshell)

2008

2009

2010

2011

Things about me

Archives

Take What is Helpful and Leave the Rest

"Scratch" Recipes

Nutrition/Tracking Links

Maintenance/Goal Links

Exercise Links

Physical Parts of the Body Links

Plateau and Stall Links

Psychological Links

Search Tools

Jane Cartelli writes:

Blog Archive

Labels

The Format . . .

I'm All Labeled . . .