Baby Steps V

Youngest Update

2012-01-31T00:01:00.045-05:00

The youngest doesn't seem to be bottoming out as deep, but some days are still a struggle.

It shows how tough she is that she gets on the elliptical and does 30 minutes with her heart rate in the working range every day that she does not get any other exercise. She drinks her water, gets her required salt in, and gets to bed on time. Her brain is learning that it is actually a sinking/passing out/vomit feeling and not a stomach ache. She has stopped running for bathroom and has learned to get herself down with her feet up.

Another mom told me that if it was her kid or her, they would just have to give her 'a pill'. Can you guess who that reminded me of immediately? Paula Dean.

SCHOOL:
School staff and students are extremely supportive of her.

I send her teacher updates. For example - "she is having tests at hospital Friday morning, will be in to school as soon as she is done." The tests did not seem to upset her, but if he knows, and she is upset later, he will be able to help her.

I went in to meet with high school principle last week. Youngest will be in his school next fall. I said she has odds and ends of things she asks about and I do not want her to worry for 6 1/2 months.

For example - I explained about her TENS.

I asked if she can have gym last period of her day (so she only has to change once, does not have to rehook her TENS machine, knows she is on the way home if gym was hard on her).

I explained how she has to carry water and drink Gatorade and take salt pills.

I said - if she is not doing well, can't be sent to nurse, needs to get down right where she is and get her feet up immediately.

You might have read that and thought - it is a little early. But actually it is not.

One there is the worry thing. And I do not underrate the worry thing. There is no reason to worry when answers can be found now.

And two, class registration is in a couple weeks. Now I can communicate to registrar that principle has agreed she needs to have gym last period. And it is already in the works that she and I will meet one on one with her teachers before school starts next fall.

CARDIAC TESTS:
Mayo doc and I agreed on two cardiac tests were her next step.

Mayo doc said if I could find a local pediatric cardiologist they could order this set of tests to be done locally (and then the results sent to them). These were simple tests. 12 lead EKG and Echo Cardiogram.

I called the hospital (I like, actually keeps their records/scans) and talked to the person who handles the cardiac testing desk. I asked who the pediatric cardiologists were and who would be best to work with Mayo. There were actually two in town. One does his continuing ed through Mayo in Rochester and was recommended highly by the hospital person. I then called my insurance to see if he was approved/contracted. He was.

I then called this Ped Card's office and talked to office manager. I explained the situation and she said they would be happy to work with Mayo/us. I am not sure we will ever even see this local doctor. So far I just talk to his office staff and things are faxed back and forth between his office and Mayo.

The local office gave me full sets of the orders so if I got to the hospital/testing and there were questions, I had copies. Good thing, because they did want to see the copies.

Youngest did very well with these tests. My mother and husband had both told her to ask them to position the screen so she could not see it and to turn off the volume. Youngest is squeamish. She had her ipod and earphones with her if she needed a distraction. There was a TV so we actually watched CNN and she was fine.

When the tests were done I asked who would get copy of the results. The answer was the local Ped Cardiologist would read the tests/scans himself and compile the report which would then go to her local GP and also to Mayo. I called my GP and left a message for the nurse that when she got that report, I want a full copy. I also had the hospital burn a DVD of the actual ultrasound for me. I left with it in my hand.

I am learning.

Is it dairy, grapefruit or my multi vitamin?

2012-01-30T00:01:00.003-05:00

Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace.
Eugene O'Neill

I personally know there is no magic door. But I believe there is a kingdom of peace. I refer to it as EVEN.

TODAY'S POST -

While I was in the midst of my GI tests in December, I did dairy free fasting as part of that process. When I reduced my dairy intake, I felt like I noticed a decline in bloating and gas. I would have thought I had a normal amount of bloating and gas (for how many veggies I eat) prior to that week. But after that week, was not so sure.

Earlier this month I went through a spell of headaches.

Then the headaches stopped.

I went several days with no headaches and then had one evening where it reappeared as if someone had flipped a switch, instant/severe headache.

I just happened to realize that the day of the switch flip, I had taken my multi vitamin, eaten grapefruit and had yogurt. I realized on the previous headache free days I had not consumed any of those, and on the previous headache days I thought I remembered consuming all three.

So almost two weeks ago I stopped eating yogurt and grapefruit. I took my multi vitamin all that week. No headaches.

I am not reintroducing grapefruit as I have a problem getting stuck on grapefruit (and bananas). Getting stuck means I think about them too much, one is not enough. Getting stuck also means they have rebound effect. When I limit myself to one a day (those items) and am still thinking more, More, MORE, I then want more of other foods as well. So, I am very happily linking grapefruit = headache in my mind. I accept any help that comes my way and I consider this help.

This whole time, I had been having 1/2 cup skim milk on my oatmeal each morning and noticed no issues.

Last week, I slowly reintroduced regular, plain, low fat yogurt and walnuts. Slowly as in every other day. And as I write that I realized that when I did not eat yogurt, I also did not eat walnuts as I always eat the two together, so there is actually another factor in there. I also realized I had been eating Greek (Fage) 2% yogurt while at Mayo and since we returned from Mayo. So there is yet another factor. I ate Fage wihle at Mayo to get as much protein in as easily as possible. I did not reintroduce Fage. I did reintroduce the regular store brand low fat that I used to eat (when I had no headaches in past years).

So far, no headaches.

PS -
I lived with severe migraines and all kinds of other problems in my fat days. I do not live that way any more. My expectation is to have no pain and no issues every day. When I notice pain or an issue I look to see WHY. I don't take it personally. I do not dwell on what I have had to give up.What is simply is. I enjoy being pain free and symptom free and having all the clothes in my closet fit every day. This is a state of EVEN for me on so many levels.

What I did this week

2012-01-29T00:01:00.011-05:00

Monday - 5 minutes on elliptical, 1 hour yoga
Tuesday - 5 minutes on elliptical, 1 hour free weights, 1 hour Pilates
Wednesday - stayed home and caught up around the house*, social club dinner
Thursday - 5 minutes on elliptical, massive ice storm**.
Friday - youngest outpatient cardiac tests at local hospital***, hair cut
Saturday - 5 minutes on elliptical, concert
Sunday - 5 minutes on elliptical and 1 1/2 hours relaxation yoga class

*If I would have had any idea I would be grounded Thursday, would not have wasted Wednesday! Good example of do what you can each day/who knows what the next day will bring! And with a very free/open schedule, totally forgot about elliptical Wednesday. I do a lot better with structure.

The dinner on Wednesday was held at a local restaurant, each person was able to order their own meal off the menu. I had egg beaters veggie omelet and a lot of hot water/lemon. I enjoyed myself. Husband went with me.

**Massive ice on way home from dinner, so when school was cancelled the next day/Thursday, I did not even try to go to exercise (other side of town) as I knew how bad the roads were.

*** Update post on youngest coming later this week Able to have this set of diagnostic tests done at local hospital so we did not have to make trip to Minnesota this week.

BOOKS
I read the first two, The Giver and Gathering Blue, by Lois Lowry, years ago. I finally listened to The Messenger this week. The Giver received a Newbery Award and appears on some 100 Books Everyone Should Read lists.While The Giver is the only one to receive these honors, I personally think the subsequent books are just as strong/well written. My girls have read all three of these books (and loved them). The oldest read the first one, but I am not sure he has read the second two. These are considered young adult books and are centered on different kinds of futuristic societies. Very different style of books and really good.

I also listened to Cry, The Beloved Country by South African author Alan Paton. It was first published in the USA in 1948. There is a foreword that talks about how this book came to be published that is well worth the read. I was a little nervous starting this book (same sort of considerations as reading Uncle Tom's Cabin where I was worried it would sink me.) This book is beautifully written and was narrated by Richard Green. I looked to see if I could find any information on Richard Green (like what country/area he was from originally). There are a lot of Richard Green's out there. No luck. Loved this book.

saved comments: Jane's cake and Diane's Parenting Post

2012-01-28T00:01:00.003-05:00

Here is Jane's cake post.

Here is my/Vickie's comment:
I hope you will smile at this.

Youngest's birthday was last week, it fell on the weekend.

The Thursday before her birthday weekend her homeroom teacher asked if she was bringing in a treat (Friday). When she got in the car after school she mentioned it and said that she hadn't thought a thing about it (bringing in treat). I said - I wouldn't have thought of it either, good thing he said something. We stopped by store and bought her favorite cookies (ranger cookies by a bakery) and she took them in that Friday.

On the day of her birthday, what she wanted to do was go ice skating and go to mall (with a friend). She did both those things and the friend came back to spend the night. They had a great time.

it wasn't until two days later that I wondered if the friend thought it was weird we did not have a cake.

I can't remember the last time anyone here had a cake for their birthday. it has been years and years.

There are no restrictions about cakes. If someone wanted a cake, I would get it (would just get one where it was one serving each and then done). But we just don't think that way any more. We think activities.

here is the flip side:

we attended a baptism open house last summer. There was a very good cake. We all had a piece. Everyone at my house scraped off the frosting and just ate the cake. We all had tiny pieces and only ate one piece each. No one told anyone to do this - it is just automatic.

there was a mom sitting down the table (from us) with her little girl. They ate piece after piece of cake - but ate the frosting only. This was the kind of cake where the frosting was an inch thick.

The girl was (trying to sit) sitting on the mom's lap, only there was no actual lap. The girl was as round as round could be. The site of both of them trying to sit on a chair, shoveling fork fulls of frosting in their mouth and ummmmming was almost too much for me.

it was the frosting pavlov's dogs.
the conditioning to frosting = love was actually visual.

I will never forget those two.

Diane happened to write a post that lends itself very well to this topic.

jeans

2012-01-27T00:01:00.028-05:00

BACKGROUND:
I still wear my snuggest pair of blue jeans on a weekly basis.

If I am going to be somewhere with a lot of (food) distractions, I make sure I wear them.

You might remember Christmas season 2010, which was a tough emotional time for me, I wore them almost every day (the whole month).

Washington DC Thanksgiving week 2011, happy family vacation, but with lots of temptations and out of my normal routine, I wore them nearly every day.

TODAY'S POST:
I took a hard look at these jeans earlier this week to see why they are my GO TO, mindful, helper jeans.

They are the same size as my cords. Same manufacturer as my cords. Same style as my cords. Yet my cords do not have the same impact.

What I realized this week is the jeans have a slightly higher waist line and almost no stretch. They are firm in exactly the place I need them to be firm. Any bit of 'extra me' and the waist band is snug.

I am fully aware if my food got willy nilly, I stayed off the scale, I wore yoga pants or cords, my weight could easily slide up without my realizing it. Fully Aware.

As much as I cursed my belly on the way down the scale, I do not feel that way now.

The slightest bit of extra salt, too much food, the wrong kind of food, and my belly swells. And then my jeans are snug and I am instantly aware.

I am also aware because I get on the scale. But the jeans are a different kind of aware because they are a reminder 100% of my day.

Aware is good.

I know getting a new pair of jeans would be an option. A different size or a different cut or some added stretch would be another choice.

Not for me.

I have a second pair of these jeans, stashed away, so when the first ones wear out, I have a fall back pair.

I kid you not.

PS - I had forgotten all about this: the author of The Denim Diet, Kami Gray, used to stop by (here/my blog) every once in a while. (She had a blog going for a bit. Not sure if it is still up. I looked but there were so many publicity links to her book, that it is probably lost in the shuffle.) I am not sure if my limited contact with Kami put the blue jean thing in my mind or if it was already there. I am not at all sure of the timing. I never read her book. (Honestly I avoid 'diet' - how I hate that term - and self help books as much as I can). I never contacted her. I am not sure how she happened by one day, but I did hear from her fairly regularly for a while. I think I have the right person and the right book. I am not great with names. But when I found her links, I think that is who I am remembering.

elliptical: heart range

2012-01-26T00:01:00.105-05:00

This post continues on from yesterday, and from the day before yesterday.

HEART RANGE:
I asked the physical therapist how to think about youngest's heartbeat on the elliptical. (This was when I was still a bit scared for her and getting used to things.)

This is what PT said - the formula to calculate heartbeat range in cardio exercise is 220 - age x range. A good workout range is 80%. A light workout range is 70%.

This is how I applied that information:

220 – age x .70 = moderate exercise heart range
220 – age x .80 = really working heart range

These are the calculations for everyone at my house:

Youngest
220 – 14 x .70 = 144
220 – 14 x .80 = 165

Middle
220 – 18 x .70 = 141
220 – 18 x .80 = 162

Husband and Vickie
220 – 51 x .70 = 118
220 – 51 x .80 = 135

So, from day one, youngest put on her chest strap and was not concerned about the intensity and incline of the elliptical from an ego or an anxiety point of view. She used the intensity and the incline as tools to get her heart rate in the working range and keep it there. She works out with her heart rate in the high 150's/low 160's. This is how she now thinks. It is automatic to her already.

My heart rate is in the 115 range during my 5 minutes on the elliptical this week. That is with no resistance and no incline. Looking forward to building up my time so I can get on and watch something (TV). Makes a huge difference in the time for me.

PS -
My husband got on with the newspaper the first few times and I said -
if you are just getting on to pass the time, that is your business. But if you are getting on to work you have to remember heart range. A waitress or a nurse is on her feet for much of the day but is not getting exercise. She is simply putting wear and tear on her body.

I was also very concerned about his positioning/risk of injury craning his neck down trying to read. I do not like the idea of people looking down. There are times in yoga when we do look down and times when we look up or back or to the side. But each direction is careful positioning based on the move. Most of the time in exercise, we look level/straight ahead to keep the rest of our body in line. Many times our eyes must follow a body part to keep the body safe as we move (like gently looking over our shoulder in a twist type move).

elliptical: shopping and buying

2012-01-25T00:01:00.001-05:00

I am a reflective writer. I wait to write until I see the big picture on most topics. This post is a good example. We elliptical shopped the weekend of 1/6-1/8. We bought the elliptical on 1/9/12. It was delivered on 1/13/12.

This post appears in the middle of a set of three. The first post was on how I incorporated it my routine. The last post was on heart range.

BACKGROUND:
Youngest must get at least 30 minutes of cardio EVERY day as part of her treatment plan.

The elliptical is our fall back plan for the days she doesn't have gym, isn't ice skating, isn't swimming, isn't on her bike.

I pause right there to think about training one's brain that at least 30 minutes of CARDIO is a normal part of daily life from childhood on to adult life. Not hours of practice. 30 minutes of cardio.

I continue.

SHOPPING:
We started by looking at a local bike shop which carried a selection of personal use elliptical (based on gym quality elliptical) equipment.

We did look at box stores and box sports store and the like after educating ourselves at this store. We tend to buy quality and wanted a machine that was hassle free, made to last, from a store which had full service available. We quickly realized we did not want a box store elliptical. The price range is huge. The box store ellipticals are under $1000. The personal use (based on gym equipment) are in the $2,500+ range.

The man we worked with at the bike store is the one who goes to all the trade shows and decides which brands/models to include in their show room. They feature about a dozen machines from three manufactures. We made three trips to the store before we bought.

Youngest is 5' even. My husband is 6'. When we started looking we thought we needed a machine with adjustable stride. This greatly reduces the options available. On our second trip to the bike store, putting youngest on different stride lengths, we realized she did not need adjustable stride. She was fine on standard lengths. [When we walk with her (whole family, on vacation in Washington DC for example) she has no problem keeping up with all of us, even though she is shorter.]

So when we took out the adjustable stride factor, then the other factors all had to do with me and not youngest.

One of the brands has kept the same design in all their years of manufacturing. This design dramatically moves the foot/ankle as the machine is used. It is more like being on a bike. When I walk I take small steps to avoid rolling over the length of my foot in an exaggerated way. This elliptical seemed to do just that - move the foot in an exaggerated way. When my husband researched it, there seemed to be a thought process that this exaggerated movement also put the knee at risk for part of each step. I have the potential for HUGE metatarsal issues and knee issues. I avoid flare up/injury/problems at all costs. I live each day with NO pain and NO problems from these two areas.Any problems from these areas will translate up my body to create further lower back issues. I live each day with NO lower back pain and NO lower back problems. I keep it that way. We did not buy that brand of machine.

BOUGHT:
The machine we purchased was a S7100 Suspension Elliptical Trainer by Vision.

Suspension means the foot stations are suspended from the machine and do not run on a track.

We are able to adjust both the intensity and the incline of this machine.

The machine is entered from the back and has support frame on each side. This support frame is out of the way of our hands when using the machine, but is available for getting on and off. So, if youngest is feeling dizzy, she has something to hang on to in getting off. I have something to hang on to when getting on and off every time (I have an inner ear problem on my right side and I am UBBER careful about any kind of injury every day).

There is a chest strap the youngest puts on (to read her heartbeat range) every time she uses the machine. Middle and I use this too. Husband uses the hand grip to check his heartbeat from time to time.

When the machine was delivered, we had the beeper disconnected. So as the buttons are pressed, the machine makes no noise. The beeper was LOUD. The machine itself is nearly silent when we are using it.

Because we bought it from a locally owned shop, we have excellent support with this machine. They are there for us - service, questions, special needs. If we had not picked the correct machine for us, it was returnable or exchangeable for 30 days.

We did by the thick pad to go under the machine as it is on carpeting.

TV:
We have an extra TV we added to this room. The TV sits on a counter straight on/ahead of the elliptical. I had a box made to go under the TV to bring the screen up to perfect eye level. It is very important to have proper positioning. I understand this extremely well. Having eyes at an angle causes head to be at an angle which translates into potential head/neck/shoulders/back problems. Problems can translate up or down the body from any out of line/positioning area.

We bought a Roku box for this TV. The box was $100 at Best Buy. There is a $80 version available also. We already have Netflix Instant (we do not rent DVD's, we watch Netflix by accessing through wii or xbox3 or computers).

My husband could not believe the mental difference having something to watch made to his elliptical time. He uses it for 30 minutes every day. 30 minutes with something to watch flies.

If you have been around here for a long time or have read it all, you might remember that my last year of weight loss (with my original weight) I spent an hour at the gym, 5 days a week, on the treadmill watching CSI Miami reruns from 1-2pm before I picked up carpool each day. They might have been reruns to everyone else, but they were new to me and made the hour fly (even though I was stuck with commercials).

elliptical: how I am using it

2012-01-24T07:19:00.004-05:00

I have long posts on ellipticals (what we bought/how we shopped and heart range) coming the next two days.

Short one on how I am incorporating it in my life today.

The Friday (1/13/12) the elliptical arrived, my right knee was feeling a little wonkie going up and down the stairs. This is highly unusual. I stayed off the elliptical that whole weekend.

The next week (last week) was killer week at free weights and I was sore all over most of the week. I took no chances on introducing a new exercise during that vulnerable time. Because I was sore, my positioning might not be in line/correct. I stayed off the elliptical the whole week.

After 2 hours and 45 minutes of yoga on Sunday (1/22/12), all the kinks were worked out of my body and enough time had elapsed that I was not in that sore/tender phase from intervals/stations.

So Monday/yesterday was my first day on the elliptical.

I did the proverbial walk to the end of the driveway/mailbox and back that so many of us start with when beginning exercise.

I was on the elliptical for exactly 5 minutes (on purpose).

I will be on the elliptical for exactly 5 minutes every day this week and next weekend. The following Monday (1/30/12) I will increase my time. Not sure yet if I am going to 10 minutes or 15 minutes. (I have a call into Sabrina to see what she thinks.)

The first minute I went backwards (feet moved as if walking backwards). Then the next four minutes I cranked up my speed in a forward motion. I used no incline and I left the resistance set at 1.

I am capable of getting on and working for a much longer time. I am capable of cranking up the incline or the resistance, but I am giving my lower back/knees/feet a chance to break in slowly to avoid any injury whatsoever. I am giving myself a chance to learn proper positioning. I have to learn to make the move (legs) come from my core. I did not use the moving hand grips at all. I kept my hands stationary on the heart rate handles. I will not start using the moving hand grips for a long time/lots of practice.

I live my life to avoid any injury whatsoever.

I will get further, faster and incorporate this into my life better by taking it slow and steady. But you notice I have set the standard to be on each day.

This is life with physical considerations.

This is long term maintenance.

Boundaries seems to the big step I needed on a lot of levels

2012-01-23T00:01:00.006-05:00

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over.

unknown

I love both these quotes.

And they explain the viewpoint I had to change as part of my process. It is closely tied into the martyr thing. It is closely tied into the victim thing. Both of those (specific) visions changed very early in my process.

But it wasn't until the year of the boundaries (2010) that this expanded concept fully changed.

It wasn't until I could see the line between me and them and know I needed to be responsible for myself that things fully changed. It was like the last piece of the puzzle.

Only it is never the true last piece. That is an ego statement. We continue to be works in progress. Like yoga, I think our lives are ever in practice/actively working. Maintenance is probably the most obvious example.

This was brought home to me this week as I finished Uncle Tom's Cabin.

This is a story I never would have been able to read/listen to in the past. It would have sunk me.

When I started it, I had no intention of letting it sink me.

I was okay with starting it, evaluating how I was doing, and returning it (unfinished) to the library if I was not doing well.

Not doing well could have manifested itself with rumination, a sucking vortex of thoughts of past incidents, food wants, sleep problems, prickly interactions/socialization, etc.

I did very well with Uncle Tom. It was very well written (it is on the 100 books everyone should have read list).

I could keep the boundary of me and the characters in the book separate as I listened ( I listen to all books on CD in the car).

This is not to say I am going to listen to books with sad things in them 100% of the time. (Or listen to books that are 100% sad.)

But I seem to be able to take some sad in stride and keep perspective. The same could be said for Watership Down. I normally can't be involved in anything with animals (childhood trauma* after childhood trauma* with animals). I did very well with that excellent book too.

Onward and upward.

*Trauma is one of the words we all know when we hear it, but looks so odd (to me anyway) when typed. I had to double check the meaning after seeing how funny it looked/spelled:
trau·ma (trôm, trou-)

n. pl. trau·mas or trau·ma·ta (-m-t)

1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.

2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.

3. An event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.

What I did this week

2012-01-22T00:01:00.008-05:00

Monday - oldest still home, everyone else home too, spent the whole day with them.
Tuesday - free weights* and Pilates
Wednesday - therapy appt
Thursday - free weights* and Pilates
Friday - caught up on paperwork and phone calls
Saturday - family all day
Sunday - two yoga classes, the first one was 1 hour and 15 minutes and was an active/working class, the second was an hour and a half and was pure restoration/relaxation. The class times had changed. The relaxation one had been moved much later in the day. When I got there too early, I participated in the class that was starting and then stayed for my regular class. I am pleased with this time change, it is easier (on Sunday) to get to a later class.

*It was circuit/stations/intervals at free weights this week.

We set up 15 stations and did one minute at each with just a couple breaths between stations. We had a 2-3 minute break when we finished the first rotation and then did a second rotation.

We finished with yoga to stretch very worked muscles. The muscle fatigue was huge by the end of the hour. Instructor and I both had to dig deep for Pilates (same instructor, two classes are back to back). I had to dig deeper of course, but it says a lot she had fatigue.

By 4pm on Wednesday I knew what was really worked (my fatigue/soreness sets in about that time the next day) - it was mostly my glutes/butt. I am not sure I have ever felt glutes that way before this week's workout.

It took everything I had to go back on Thursday because I didn't think I had enough left to do the circuit again (on Thursday we repeat what we did Tuesday, and then the next Tuesday it changes to something totally different).

I had to stay very focused and calm and pay attention to form, but did get through everything in free weights (Thursday).

Walking into Pilates (Thursday) the instructor said she was very fatigued also. That is the sign of a true workout because she is in very good shape.

Went to do kneeling leg raises (on knees, lean enough to one side to put hand on floor to our side and then work the opposite leg, yes, they are very hard) in Pilates (Thursday) and couldn't lift my leg. Had to lie on the floor for them. I struggle with kneeling leg raises any way, but in true fatigue (literally) could not do them. Leg would not lift.

Once upon a time I would not have been able to get through the circuit (happily). Once upon a time I would have been upset to have to greatly modify (not be able to do the full pose/exercise) when my leg wouldn't lift. Both of those responses would have been mental/ego. When I got out of my own mind, quieted my mind, learned to leave my ego at the door, everything got a lot easier.

Even when the workout is hard, everything is easier when I get out of my own way.

On the last of the circuits and at the end of pilates I was saying (in my mind) Jet on my inhale and Pilot on my exhale. I also use a simple in and out sometimes to focus on the breath and let go of the mental baggage.

BOOKS - finished Uncle Tom's Cabin this week. More information of this will pop up in a post later in the week. I only know one other person who has read this book and he read it for school (about 15 years older than I am). If you have read this book and have any thoughts - I am totally done with it now and would appreciate any comments.

PS -
The circuit idea is one that can be done easily at home. A large clock with a third hand to tick on the seconds is needed. A list of exercises that can be done in one spot (sit ups, push ups, lunges, arm work with weights, skipping rope) and utilize all body parts in turn is key.

Another way of looking at a slightly different version of this concept is tabatas. The body shock/tabata label (just below this post) will take you to related posts. I did go back and read some of those posts as I finished writing this one. I remembered being present in each of those stages. (I think there are also links on my side bar under the exercise title.)

There are three posts/sets of links up today, if you have any comments please leave them on the other bloggers posts:

2012-01-21T10:36:00.004-05:00

Jill on Attachment Theory and Overeating

2012-01-21T10:30:00.001-05:00

Very helpful post. She did a really good job.

Paula D

2012-01-21T10:09:00.002-05:00

Barbara on Paula.
Diane on Paula.
My husband said there is lot out there of Anthony Bourdain on Paula.

I had all these same feelings for years, even before the diagnosis. It will be interesting to see what the pharma company does. I think it was a very foolish decision for them to start. Denial does not make a good spokesperson. . .

Saved Comments: Jen

2012-01-21T00:01:00.008-05:00

Here is Jen's Original post.

Vickie/I commented:
I used small frequent meals to my advantage also. I think I started with 5-6, and exactly as you said - the next one is always just around the corner. Huge help I agree.

I personally think everyone should have as high an intake as possible for the simple reason that none of us know what is going to be needed at the other end of the scale/maintenance.

People who cut their calories too low (in their rush) in the beginning often wind up in big trouble. They have no where to go and end up in a vicious cycle. I think it has to be the right kind of food (actual food, I will never forget your weight watchers meeting lady and the ice cream) of course.

Ditto with exercise. I think we should have moderate/healthy exercise. But if we are doing too much, too early, then we can set ourselves up for trouble as we get down to our goal range/maintenance.

Very glad things are going well for you

Ding Dong Time Again

2012-01-20T00:01:00.002-05:00

If you don't want to tell the cute little girls peddling their cookies - NO! - one can make a (money) donation without buying any cookies.

The donation can be made for their troop.

OR

The Girl Scout Web Site: A Taste of Home" In trying to bring a little bit of Americana to military personnel deployed overseas, some girls from Seattle to Connecticut and all points in between have been busy encouraging their neighbors to buy an extra box of Girl Scout Cookies® so it can then be sent to military personnel overseas. This effort has received wide recognition."

Here is the post from three years ago with information (in comments) about making a monetary donation and donating to the armed forces.

PS -
In 2010 a blogger wrote about how her husband came home with boxes from the evil ones (bought them at work). Interestingly he was a diabetic. She got his behavior stopped so he did not bring them home in 2011. And in 2010 in changing her thought process, she made a list of snacks more substantial for the same number of calories - really clever self-protection approach! Her blog is gone now. But I am not in the habit of listing food anyway. So I mention this as an idea only. A GO TO list of real foods, for smaller meals (I think of them as small/planned meals, not snacks).

1,820

2012-01-19T07:13:00.002-05:00

52 weeks in a year
5 working days in a week
52 x 5 = 260 working days in a year

I actually started midway 2004, but for the purpose of round numbers, calculating from 2005 to present years completed makes 7 years.

260 days x 7 years = 1,820 days

That is a very conservative number.

Yes, I had 3 months off that first year for surgery. Yes, I have had a week or two or three off on occasion. Yes, now I do 2 hours back to back two days a week (count that as four times in my head, same as one hour on four days, but I need back to back to get the level up high enough for me). I think the non counted days from 2004 and all the times I did many hours on the same day, or exercised on the weekends, makes it all average out to at least 5 'times' a week.

What am I talking about?

Number of times I have had intentional exercise since I started my process.

1,820

on track?

2012-01-18T00:01:00.011-05:00

January was not even half over and I saw an add for a Groupon package to mend broken resolutions.

The marketing person was clever (I think).

It was a collection including class packages, gym memberships, spa packages, quit smoking programs, yoga retreats, pedometers, workout gear, meal packages, luggage.

One was not expected to buy all the packages, they were just grouped together for marketing purposes.

It caught my attention.

I had no interest in anything offered.

The concept of staying focused caught my attention.

As this posts today, January IS half done.

"All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Walking for pleasure, yes. Walking for exercise, in my opinion, no. If we are thinking while walking for exercise, then we are not pushing ourselves hard enough, not keeping a good speed. Monkey mind and exercise do not meld.

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play."
Arnold Toynbee

I understand we have to find things we like (intentional exercise). But (in my opinion) there is a difference between waiving ones body parts around and true work/output/conditioning.

When I was in active weight loss, 2005-6, I kept the same schedule for a quarter (3 mos) and then reevaluated and changed.

Often this change occurred because I had maxed out of the level I was and needed to move on for more challenge. The simplest example of this was when I left Cur\/es to move to a gym. Or when I moved to a more challenging free weights class. Sometimes the change was forced as class schedules or facilities or teachers changed.

Whether it was a forced by circumstances or it was a needed because of conditioning, these changes were important to my process.

I have two notes on this:
1. I had to actually do the exercise CONSISTENTLY.
2. I had to learn to shut off my mind and do the work WELL.
to progress.

But every single time, the change was hard.

These changes are still hard.

I am someone who sort of sticks with the same routine. This can be dependable/consistent or sometimes it can be fear/anxiety.

I am still aware, every day, how easy it would be to fall off the wagon. Things still come up where I miss classes. And each time, as I go back, I am aware of how easy it would be to just slip away.

Just like we have lost bloggers in weight loss/maintenance blog land, I have lost classmates on a very regular basis.

Going back to class, this time, was hard. Those I don't wanna, I need a few more days, just this once flitted through my brain. I had to make myself. I had to get out of my own way.

2012-01-17T00:03:00.004-05:00

Therapy appt reminder:
9am tomorrow.

Activation Energy

2012-01-17T00:01:00.003-05:00

Go watch the video included in Hanlie's post.

Speaker is Mel Robbins.

Here is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs mentioned it in the video, it has been on my side bar, under "psychological links" for several years.

Here is the link directly to Youtube if you need it.

I would add, in my opinion, we have to prioritize within this concept.

And we can establish boundaries (on all the other stuff) while we are activating our energy on our priorities.

Julie

2012-01-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

Have been wondering and wondering about you. Hope things are settled down at your house and you are just busy with holidays. Drop a note when you have a minute please.

Milk Fat in combination with other ingredients

2012-01-16T00:01:00.007-05:00

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is Martin Luther King Jr Day. Yes, I actually had the forethought to plug in a quote to pop up today as a reminder. And oddly, I am reading Uncle Tom's Cabin this month. Two of my kids have the day off school because of the special day. One does not.

Foreword:
I do not write about food very often. Honestly, I don't think about food very often. I feel very mindful and centered on the topic. It is not a struggle because I know what to do and I do it. Thinking about food too often is an irritant to me. It is like a buzzing fly. I have stopped most of these irritations. I do not watch commercials. I do not let my husband, who seems like he is always eating, follow me around with food or talk about food. (yes, he really did stop and stayed stopped). I do not go to food based events. (I also would not go to an event held in a room of buzzing flies.)

So, if you are someone who enjoys when I write about food, be sure to leave me a comment, with your thoughts on today's topic.

Today's post is on Milk Fat:

I would not have known to think of it as Milk Fat if it were not for Jane.

Jane wrote:
"Let me be perfectly frank: I lost 220 pounds while still occasionally consuming flour, milkfat, sugar, chocolate, etc, etc, etc. I have maintained the weight loss with physical, emotional and spiritual clarity and real peace only by severely limiting first, milkfat, then finally: sugar. During the time I was still having sugar, I did not consume anything made with hfcs or any corn syrup. I only removed sugar from my daily plan in the past year. It was time. The addiction bell has been rung and you know it cannot be un-rung. "

I 100% believe what Jane writes is the truth for most of us. The addictive triggers might vary slightly from person to person. But what she writes is the truth for long term maintenance for most of us.

In my opinion, in addition to addictive triggers:
The lifelong patterns of when/how/what we eat is also a factor. We have to do a lot of reprogramming.

Our emotional ties to food as a response to pretty much everything/anything/nothing is also a major factor. This is often labeled as 'inner work' in our process.

The chemical responses (like diabetes for example) are also a factor. I have written, many times, at our highest weight if we limited ourselves to eating only at meal time, and eating one plate full, most of us would have lost weight. Most of us were eating (some part of each day) nonstop. I personally think that changes as we work down the scale. The quantity and the quality has to change from a chemical processing viewpoint. Again, body processing intake as a diabetic, whether or not we have been diagnosed, is a perfect example. I happened to gain that knowledge at the beginning of my process. I knew I had to balance healthy fats, carbs and protein within total calories. There are a variety of articles under "plateau and stall links" on my side bar.

Because I eat at meal time and because I keep my food in categories (dairy, veggies, protein, just a few healthy carbs), there is little wiggle room in what I eat on a daily basis. It is exhausting to me to figure out 'the math' on a regular basis. I stick to whole foods mostly because of nutrition but also so I do not have to figure out the complexities of carbs, protein, healthy fats within total calories. I also do not eat anything I do not know what it is. I eat things where there is only one thing listed under ingredients. This pretty much eliminates anything except whole foods.

Another way of thinking about this is - I am always mindful of getting in my nutrition on limited calories. Too much of one category means not enough of another category.

Another way of thinking about this is - I am very aware of non-food vs real food. Pretty much anything processed (bread, noodles, etc) is non-food to me. I am very mindful of how/what I feed myself.

Back to milk fat.

I eat soup from our local health food store (this is the one that makes their own soup daily and gave us all the recipes for the youngest. She takes homemade soup to school for lunch every day.) on occasion, for lunch.

Last week, in the midst of THE AFTERS, I stopped for soup one day. It normally does not matter which soup I eat from this store. All the ingredients are whole foods. I eat a 16oz quantity. The carbs included are very low in volume and are whole foods carbs (quinoa, long gran rice, sweet potato, squash for example).

That day, last week, I picked Clam Chowder without a second thought. Yes I should have realized it was a cream based soup and that should have set off alarm bells, but it did not.

As I ate the soup, I thought, this might be the best soup I have ever had.

I got the soup as carry out and ate it while waiting for middle to get out of school (I pick her up, half days, every day).

All the rest of the afternoon I kept trying to think of how my errands might carry me back toward the health food store (it is on the other side of town) for more soup.

This is unusual thinking for me.

I have written this before - I stay away from party in the mouth type foods. What I eat does not leave me wanting more, More, MORE. I stay away from foods which assault me. I love what I eat. But what I eat does not leave me wanting more. It is a very fine line.

So, as my mind kept going back toward wanting more of that soup, I gave it honest thought.

And I realized if I went back for more soup, there would not be enough soup.

One serving would not be enough, the entire huge kettle at the store would not be enough. There was no such thing as enough of that soup.

And then I realized it was the fact that it was a cream based soup and the problem was 100% milk fat.

I was able to make that connection (quickly) because Jane is very specific in her problems with milk fat.

Her milk fat sensitivity presented itself before her sugar sensitivity.

So I was able to figure it out immediately without any further food fall out.

But the desire for more was a tangible thing for the rest of the day. And part of the next.

It did not help in my week of AFTERS.

But I do not think it was because I was in the midst of AFTERS.

The milk fat content must have been high, because I do not have a sensitivity to low milk fat. I think it was the combination of the high milk fat in unison with other ingredients in the soup. I think if I went back, any day, any year and ate that soup, I would have the same reaction of wanting more, More, MORE. I have no interest in figuring out the combination that gets to me. It is much easier to just avoid creamed soups. Before, last week, I can't remember the last time I ate a creamed soup.

I can think of other combinations, which I will not mention for fear of setting someone's WANTS off, which I can't ingest ever and stay the weight I am. If I did that on a regular basis, it would just plain wear me down over time.

I like living so I do not have to fight with food or with myself, ever.

clarifications:
I eat nonfat milk on my oatmeal every day (even 1% gags me).

I eat low fat yogurt* every day.

I eat low fat cottage cheese** on occasion.

I also eat tiny bits of low fat pepper jack on occasion. It is amazing how far I can spread 1/2 slice of cheese in a dish. And also 2T of low fat shredded mozzarella goes very far in my dishes.

I do not have a more, More, MORE reaction to any of those.

*Yogurt note: I eat 2% Fage Greek Yogurt most of the time (now/lately). I can't eat more than one serving per day. In other words, after one serving I feel very done. It does not leave me wanting more even though it tastes like dessert to me. I always eat it with walnuts so I am assured of getting my walnuts in each day. I can't eat the full fat as it 100% gags me - way too rich.

ADDED LATER: I started eating primarily FAGE (2%) while at Mayo. It was an easy way to get more protein in my day. I continued eating primarily FAGE when I returned home. Over the weekend, FAGE started gagging me. Too rich tasting (2%). I can handle a 1/2 cup, but not a full cup per serving. I have not yet tried low fat plain yogurt (not Greek, just plain/regular, low fat). I will try that to see if I do okay.

**In fact if I get confused and measure out 1 cup of low fat cottage cheese by mistake (I eat 1 cup of yogurt but only 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, don't ask me why, I do not know other than Kay said so long ago), I can't eat all of the cottage cheese. I am gagging after 1/2 a cup, and I LOVE cottage cheese. I eat it with walnuts and pineapple usually. Full fat cottage cheese 100% gags me; couldn't even get down a single spoonful.

What I did this week

2012-01-15T00:01:00.004-05:00

Monday - yoga (one hour)
Tuesday - free weights and Pilates (one hour each, back to back)
Wednesday - slept*
Thursday - free weights and Pilates
Friday - **Elliptical delivery
Saturday/Sunday - oldest home for the long weekend

Last week (1/2-1/8) I wrote I was very surprised free weights did not kick my butt after having been gone for three weeks.

Remember, the Mayo doc called so I missed Pilates, right after free weights on Tuesday (1/3). On Thursday (1/5), instructor was gone, so I took 2 back to back yoga classes instead. This is great for my balance, tone, inner mind, etc. But I do not count it as exercise for me.

This Tuesday (1/10), was in normal back to back classes. I kept up in free weights, but was barely able to keep up in Pilates. The combination of the two, after four weeks of absence, totally kicked my butt.

This is how it should be.

Then I understood/remembered/ had it brought home in my mind - the combination of the two, back to back, is what works for me. Either class, on its own, is not enough.I have written this before - I am not interested in adding hour after hour. I have figured out how to do four hours (two sets of two hours) and have it be 100% effective for me.

On Thursday (1/12), the two classes, back to back, totally kicked my butt again. I was better able to keep up in Pilates, but I had to be the second jet pilot in my brain, just following the leader and pushing through the 'don't wanna' or 'can't' feelings. I kept my mind as clear as I could and focused on the movement and the breath.

*sleep - On Wednesday I realized I had been carrying around a nagging headache for days/weeks. When the girls went to school, I went back to bed. As I did, I thought - this will either cure me or really mess up my sleep/bite me in the butt. I slept for several hours, woke with no headache and then slept better on Wednesday night that I had in a long time. Thursday was better too.

**elliptical - we bought an elliptical. have wanted one for years. have shopped for them many times over the years. we were prompted to take action by youngest's doctors as she needs to get cardio every day. The elliptical is for the days she is not swimming, biking, ice skating, or active in gym class. She is active most days in the summer, but not in the winter. MORE - I stopped going to zumba almost a year ago. I had the beginning of foot issues and was very cautious to avoid injury. Remember I got new shoe inserts. Then the zumba schedule changed. And then I picked up yoga classes. I have a call into Sabrina to help me figure out what I am doing and what I should be doing. I will write more about this later in the week.

BOOKS:
I am listening to Uncle Tom's Cabin. I am about half way through the book. When I started, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish. Thought the topic might be too upsetting. So far I have really enjoyed it. Excellent writing. This book is referenced time and time again in other pieces of literature. One of those books that it does seem everyone should read.

If I have my dates right, I believe next week marks -

2012-01-14T00:01:00.006-05:00

Shauna - Eleven years of blogging.

The story of the postage stamps

2012-01-13T00:01:00.042-05:00

If you have been around this blog since the beginning, or have been a brave soul who went back to the beginning and read, you might remember I did a lot of cleaning out as part of my process.

There was one stretch of time where I took care of 10 things out of the garage each day. Didn't shift piles to another area of the house, but took care of them in a permanent way. We have a three car garage which houses two cars every day of the year. The third bay can hold the oldest's car when he leaves it for a winter (has happened twice), so it stays clean.

I also had a series of garage sales to get rid of my massive quilting supplies. What didn't sell I donated to a local quilt group.

I what not to wear-ed myself one weekend, taking care of every single thing in my closet. When I was finished, there was almost nothing left and I donated the outcasts that very day. Everything in my closet fits every day and my closet stays neat and organized.

I have gone through the whole house, including the garage and attic, many a time. I purge the kitchen and the common areas on a regular basis. We had two massive clean outs recently. All of ME's stuff was cleaned out in December, and last week the refrigerator and attached freezer were totally gone over (the one upside to a thaw-out).

When the truck came (fall of 2010) from my husband cleaning out his mother's house, I took care of all of that stuff so the third bay in the garage was empty again. And the final step to the last of the truck was rounding up all the orphan chairs (chairs from truck plus chairs from around the house) and taking them to a variety of friends' garage sales to sell. The last of the chairs (unsold) was then donated. No chair came back to the house or the garage.

One part of this process, I do not think I ever mentioned, was postage stamps.

In the process of cleaning out, over the years, I found dozens of books of postage stamps.

When found, I would take the stamps to the post office, buy whatever additional stamps needed to meet the new postage rate, and use up the found sets of stamps.

I started with a big pile of found books (they were just here, there and everywhere as I cleaned out stuff).

And then just as I would think I was almost done with the pile, and even use contemporary stamps for a while, I would find another book of stamps, and be back to it. That process took YEARS.

I finally used the last of the old stamps last year.

Then my husband started cleaning out stuff and started finding more postage books.

Middle used up a "happy birthday" set mailing our 2011 Christmas cards this year. The set almost covered all of the cards, just a few received contemporary 'forever' stamps.

When I came back from Mayo, he had found two more books of stamps. One was the darned flag stamps which do not have the postage printed on them. The other was crops of america for 39 cents each and were adhesive.

I am not sure how many more books might be squirreled away within his stuff. At least he is cleaning! His clutter level is terrible.

AFTERS

2012-01-12T00:01:00.081-05:00

I am not sure if AFTERS is my term or if I read it somewhere else, long ago, and adopted it. What I mean by AFTERS is the very common phenomenon where we hold on tight, keep it together DURING an event or time of difficulty, and then when we think we are safely past, it bites us in the butt. This biting of the butt can be falling into counterproductive food, exercise, water, sleep or personal habits. The event does not have to be negative. I would say the event is anything that take us out of our normal routine.

Believe it or not, I did not have a label for AFTERS. I added one with today's post. I will query on the word AFTER and attach those posts to this new label, when I have time.

My Mayo AFTERS hit in waves.

And actually I am not sure it was just Mayo. Might be holiday afters added in there too. And also oldest going back to college after being with us for two full weeks.

When I first returned home from Mayo, I would have a couple difficult hours here and there.

A full week after we returned home, I had my hardest days.

I was expecting it.

I am still expecting it.

I have always operated on the reality that AFTERS can hit up to three full weeks after each incident.

And if the hit is hard enough, that can have sort of AFTER rebound effect for another three weeks.

The ripple can last for a very long time.***

I had almost four weeks of solid incident between my drawn out colon tests and our trip with the youngest to Mayo.

My state of vulnerability was/is shaky.

I am very careful.

"A comfortable home is a great source of happiness. It ranks immediately after health and a good conscience."
Sydney Smith

Last Sunday 1/8/12, 10 days after our return, had the makings of a very bad day.

I had not thought to have husband and middle take all the Christmas things down before we returned.

Last Sunday 1/8/12, in the midst of packing them, with middle and husband helping, I was not a happy camper.

Mental note - have him clean out refrigerator, go to grocery store, take care of anything out of the normal, before I return if I am gone for more than a few days.

Middle said she thought about taking Christmas things down while we were gone but didn't pursue it.

My husband would have operated under the (false) assumption I would have wanted them left intact.

But if they had called to ask, I would have known to say - take down everything but the tree. But I didn't think of it on my own, in the midst of being gone.

And remember, middle had the forethought to only put lights on the tree so that was an easy take down.

Husband also did not take gifts over to my mother when they went on Christmas day, as he thought I would not want to miss it.

He had also told me he would get something for my mother's husband and didn't.

He is clueless frequently.

Never occurred to me he would not take care of all of it, so I didn't double check. Note - to self, do not assume that because he said he was doing something, he did it. It does not insult him to double check. He appreciates double checks.

We took Christmas and her birthday presents over last week (1/1/12).

I said (to husband, with no malice) - I have nothing in mind for her husband and since the occasion;was already missed, I will just wait until I find something good, later in the year, and I let it go. I genuinely let it go, no grudging letting go.

That letting it go is real growth.

He also did not take middle to get her college books. I take that back, he took her to get them, but had not checked to be sure the bookstore would be open so it was futile trip. And yes, I had warned him the bookstore hours would be very erratic and to call first.

I let that go too.

We had our Christmas on New Years Day and I did very well with it. Did not take everything down that day as it was one of the few days of break the youngest had and oldest was going back to college the very next day.

But a week later, 1/8/12, taking everything down, was too much. But it was really the day to do it. Middle's college class has not yet started, she had time, my husband had time, I was sick of looking at the added clutter of all the holiday stuff.

I wasn't ugly on the outside, taking things down, I was not complaining (much), just didn't help my day. Made me feel on the edge.

Mostly the refrigerator standing in the middle of the kitchen didn't help my day either. (It was fixed on 1/9/12 and now is working and in its place).

As soon as the Christmas stuff was done, Sunday 1/8/12, I started in on the youngest's closet and room.

She felt so bad through most of October and November that it had fallen an the wild side. She lost most of her Christmas break to Mayo. On Sunday 1/8/12, she worked on sorting things while I did the leg work. Still not great, but can walk through her room, all her clothes are clean and put away, and there is some semblance of order.

Pile of mail is next on the list (done 1/11/12, I dawdled for another week on this after arriving home, but then did it), then bathroom. Not only cluttered, but very dirty.

Prioritize, let the chaff go, keep facing forward.

I have not have problems with rumination though all of this.

I have not gotten sucked down the vortex (one thing starting the sucking feeling and then everything else that has ever happen, related or not related, making the vortex wider and stronger).

It gets easier and easier to find empowerment.

It is like a yoga practice, but it is life practice.

*** Not sure who, but someone once wrote a very good post. long ago, talking about after cycle in relationship to holidays, birthdays, vacations, illness etc. She was looking at the wave of afters which had the potential to last her whole calendar year. She mapped out a whole year, saw how there were many events in her life each month, and realized it was an even pattern throughout the year. It was sort of like the dominoes of her life. No gaps big enough to stop the momentum, if she let the negative pattern start. I am not sure if she was able to apply this knowledge as I can't remember who it was. But she had the potential to make a real change at that point, because she saw it clearly.

Chrome

2012-01-11T00:01:00.022-05:00

I wrote a blog post and then sent it to oldest to edit.

I wrote:

Do I have the right link, reference, terms? anything you can add for someone like me that wants this system (is system the right word?)?

He responded:

Made my suggestions bellow. Just my opinion though...

And it is not system, I think the term you are looking for is "internet browser".

My edited blog post is below. What I wrote is in white; what he corrected/expanded is in red.

BLOG POST:

While we were at Mayo, I was on the oldest's laptop.

I typed a few things and discovered that an automatic spell check (underlined in red, right click for list of options) is provided with the internet browser "Google Chrome." This spell check feature works on any web page!

For example - leaving a comment on a blog - automatic spell check, typing a blog post - automatic spell check, typing an email - automatic spell check.

I was thrilled.

It wasn't quite an 8th wonder of the world, but for me, nearly.

I can't tell you how much satisfaction I find in the little things.

When we returned home, youngest extended my Google account (i.e. blogger account) to include my own saved "Chrome" preferences, such as favorites, homepage, etc. Youngest also set up a separate windows user account on our home computer so that I can keep all of my stuff in one place (middle, husband and I all use the same computer). Oldest and youngest have their own laptops. Middle will get her laptop next fall as she goes to college because we knew, two years ago, that it would be a very specific one, required by the school for early elementary education majors.

Chrome is not the Cadillac of systems, but it is simple and functional. For me, the automatic spell check is well worth a few less options.

Just so you know, Chrome is considered one of the best browsers available today; and is best defined by its minimalist functionality. Everyone has their own opinion, but generally speaking: Chrome, Firefox, Safari, and a few others are generally considered to be the best browsers available. On the other hand, Internet Explorer is often considered to be of lesser quality and extremely bulky (think of multiple tool bars and a million buttons). As such, Internet Explorer is often the butt of jokes in the computer world...

As for the terminology:

Internet browsers are the programs one uses to view web pages on the internet.

Examples of Internet browsers include:

browser name (corporation)

Internet Explorer (Microsoft)

Chrome (Google)

Safari (Apple)

Also, because Google owns both "Chrome" and your blogging service, the account you use for your blogging can be extended to include a "Chrome" profile.

This Chrome profile allows you to sign in and access your favorites and other settings on any computer that has Chrome installed. This concept is analogous to you logging onto your blog from any computer that has access to the internet.

Just fyi: this same Google account, that now encompasses your blog and Chrome profile, could be further extended to encompass things like:

-Google Docs (Google's word processing client ~similar to Microsoft Word, but with the advantage of being able to access your saved files from any computer. Google Docs allows multiple people to work on the same word document simultaneously from separate computers. This can be very helpful for group projects in college)

-Gmail (Google's email client ~ which is similar to YahooMail in the same sense that Chrome is similar to Internet Explorer)

-Calender (self explanatory ~ This is what I use to keep myself organized. It is nice for me because I can access the calender from my ipod)

Biggest Loser

2012-01-10T00:01:00.016-05:00

I have seen all biggest loser's seasons except the first and the one that just finished.

When Jillian left and Anna came in (fall 2011), I could just not bring myself to watch it.

In retrospect it was more about Anna than Jillian.

New Year's Weekend, for whatever reason, I watched the series finale from season 12 (aired fall of 2011, so season just finished, finale ran on NBC the middle of December, and still was available on free On-Demand shows through my television service).

I could see they were trying to make finale format better, but I was not wild about changes as I watched the finale. Later I went back and watched the finale a second time and liked the new format. The first time - all I saw was change, did not keep my mind open. The second time - I saw what they were trying to do, saw why and appreciated that while different, it was better.

The first show of the new season (13) was previewed on the finale.

Watching the clip of the new season - Bob is still there, and Dolvett Quince is back for his second season. I am pleased with Bob, I am okay with Dolvett. I think I could even get attached to Dolvett.

It just so happened the new series started the Tuesday after New Years. I recorded the first show and watched (I watch NO live TV, I record so I can blink through all commercials). I have to tell you I liked it again. And my recorder is set to record the series.

After watching the first show of the new season, I found the last 4 shows of the fall series were still available ON Demand (with the finale) and I watched those too. Anna is on them, but she is almost non-existent. And, I guess since I know how things ended, she has left the show, I was okay with watching.

I have mentioned this in previous posts:
I watch this show to see if I can pick out the one or two who are going to get all their weight off and keep it off.

I look for the habits and viewpoints which are going to mature and apply and work

All season I watch for the egos/habits/mentality that are going to mean regain.

I observe where people carry their excess weight and how it comes off their body. I watch how tone builds on their body. I watch the percentages.

I also watch the training. It is very interesting to me to watch the physical and mental part of the training. I see a lot of things I actually do. And a lot of things I would never do (mostly because of my lower back).

I identify with the people who puke when the going gets tough.

I identify with the people who 'just need a minute' or have emotional reactions and then learn to be the second jet pilot, follow the squadron leader, and just do it, head held high, calm face, even breathing, sweat rolling.

I am always interested to see where people are at the finale.

There have been people who have gained weight between leaving the ranch and appearing on the finale.

There are people who are at their lowest for the finale and then regain almost immediately.

There are people who lose weight and gain tone after the finale.

It is very much like weight loss and maintenance in blog land. The parallels are very alike to me. Sometimes it starts the minute they step off the scale and they only (ever, literally) see that lowest number once.

It is all interesting to me.

I know the game play annoys fans. Game play exists in real life. There is denial. A lot of denial exists in real life (and in blog land).

It is very interesting to me that I walked away from this show (and was okay with walking away, did not miss it) and now am back to it.

And immediately I was looking at the rolls that wrap around under the guys arm pits toward their back. Can't see it easily on the girls because of their sports bras, but on the guys it is obvious. That is my biggest area of excess skin. It doesn't make me crazy. Not getting plastic surgery. But somehow it helps to see that is a very consistent place it happens.

Also now fascinated by the pears. Fascinated by legs and hips as they loose. For years all I could see were the apple sections. Never could really see the lower half stuff. For some reason now it is all proportional in my mind. Took a very long time to see the big picture and not just see my challenging areas. Interesting.

New Yoga pants

2012-01-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

I am not big on the hoping, magic, lottery thinking topics, as you well know, but did like this quote. I guess I read this quote to say, you have to be able to see the prize (facing forward) in order to work toward your end goal. I guess I thought - have to be able to think it is possible (Kris telling me I could loose the belly fat if I worked hard enough, that is was possible). I think it is more of a CAN DO visualization idea to me than wishful thinking idea. Hope alone does not work. Can't think X pounds by X time (in my opinion). Have to focus on what you have to do TODAY and then be able to apply it, every possible day.

YOGA PANTS:
I bought one pair of yoga pants just before we left for Mayo. I had shorts, but only had one pair of surviving pants. When I went to look for pants, I quickly realized I knew what I didn't want. I did not want pockets nor a drawstring nor bunching nor bulk. I wanted solid black that stayed UP on me in all positions and were very slim fit through torso and thighs. I found pants with tummy control built into them. The tummy control means they are nice and snug and stay UP easily.

When I buy one piece bathing suits from Lands End, I like tummy control in the swim suits also. But ironically, when I had an excess tummy, never liked the tummy control panels as they gave me a horrible muffin.

The thighs are also very slim cut. Waist comes up to just below my belly button and have a very wide band (more like a yoke) that fit really well.

My shorts are size S and XS depending on the cut. Interestingly, I needed a size medium in the yoga pants. I mention that as an example of trying on clothes. I probably tried on 10 pairs of yoga pants before I settled on the style/cut and then tried on 3 identical pair in different sizes to decide on size.

When I got back from Mayo, I bought a second pair. They are a different brand, but have the tummy control panel, wide yoke/waist, and are a very slim fit. Extremely pleased with them.

What I did this week

2012-01-08T00:01:00.006-05:00

My first 'What I did this week 2012' of the year.

Monday - yin yoga
Tuesday - free weights
(missed Pilates when PED GI called from Mayo)
Wednesday - refrigerator repairman*, therapy
(I had not seen therapist in a month, but have sent texts and emails very regularly (on youngest and I) as she had asked).
Thursday - two yoga classes
(free weights instructor on vacation)
refrigerator repairman* AGAIN
Friday - youngest had PT and got flu shot

*Refrigerator is pulled into the middle of kitchen, unplugged and totally thawing. It has been that way since Thursday. Sunday - Wednesday it was not working, but at least it was not working out of the way. The best guess is some line froze between the refrigerator section and the freezer section. The refrigerator did not work but the freezer did. The refrigerator stuff is upstairs in the extra refrigerator. The freezer stuff is out in the second freezer in the garage. Repairman is coming back Monday/tomorrow to see if it will work or needs to be replaced. My guess is I am entering week two of refrigerator annoyance.

When I got back to free weights on Tuesday, everyone was very glad to see me and also had been wondering and wondering. I filled them in concisely and in a way that didn't make me feel self conscious (not too long).

After class the instructor asked me if I had been able to do anything (she meant intentional exercise) while I was gone. I had been gone from class for 3 weeks (one week of CT colonography prep/recovery and two weeks of Mayo). I said that I had not, but I had been UBBER careful about my food. She nodded. I do not feel defensive over her checking in with me. It shows she understands and cares. Sabrina would have asked me the exact same thing. And actually Sabrina called to check on me yesterday.

I have been asking everyone I know to keep their eyes open for an elliptical. One of the yoga instructors sent a mass email out to people from my yoga studio. She said that I had been to Mayo with my youngest who is dealing with real issue and we needed elliptical as part of her treatment. This mass email actually helped as people in classes had a general idea what is going on with us. One lady did say she was pursuing a lead for me. Another woman said she had just gotten rid of her old equipment (sorry).

BOOKS:
I finished Watership Down this week. Yes, this is the one about rabbits by Richard Adams. I truly loved it. Not the type of thing I would normally read, but it was on my classic books list. Every word, just excellent. I would have read it to my kids had I known.

I am noting books, as I finish them, on my Sunday posts and also keeping a master list to post at the end of the year.

saved comments: Laura on habits

2012-01-07T00:01:00.010-05:00

Laura wrote:
" I'm listening to an online sermon from Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in California (by John Ortberg). The sermon is about healing.

"A key point from the sermon is: your will habits will always defeat your willpower. You might be able to overcome your habits for an hour or a day or a week, but ultimately your habits will win.

"Your only hope is for a new set of habits.

"Wow. This is so incredibly huge for weight loss and fitness. I will be noodling on this and keeping it in the front if my mind as I go into the new year. "

Mayo - the sleep

2012-01-06T00:01:00.078-05:00

'the birds' re-enacted in a rochester, mn park.

Crows torment downtown Rochester

Abatement results so far are worth crowing about:

"Earlier this month, in response to complaints about great concentrations of crows around Mayo Clinic's downtown campus, the city hired United States Bird Abatement Services on a not-to-exceed $25,000 contract.

"The contract called for disrupting the crows using high-powered lasers, air horns and trained "attack birds" — hawks and peregrine falcons. The company began work the week before Christmas."

One of those articles talked about the fact that the collective grouping of all the building, downtown at the hub of Mayo, generates HEAT. Our hotel included. We did not turn the heat on in our room and kept the window open slightly for fresh air. The heat generated by the floors below us (we were 7th) and the rooms around us, was enough for us.

I think it was the second night, we noticed that we heard great flocks of birds coming and going.

We live in Indiana. We are used to massive bird migrations. We are used to hearing great numbers of geese (for example) honking overhead.

We decided (Rochester) flocks must be crows as they were cawing. I am not sure I have ever seen, heard huge flocks of crows. We talked about the movie The Birds (I was the only one of us to have seen it).

Window left open (we were on 7th floor, no break ins) in the middle of the night we were woken by what sounded like fog horns in unison with crows. It was as if a large flock would caw in and then the fog horns would sound, and then the large flock would caw out. And we could hear other fog horns sort of answering from other areas (farther away) shortly after the flocks left our area.

It wasn't until youngest was being prepped for a major GI scope that the nurse explained to us about all the crow flock problems.

It wasn't until I was back home, writing this post that I web searched the issue and read the articles (linked above).

I think we slept with the window open every night. If the crow/horn thing started, I would simply close the window. If it never happened, or we slept through it, the window stayed open.

It did seem that it either didn't happen at all or it was sort of a seesaw thing where the crows would move from area to area around the city tripping motion sensors (or whatever system) and then moving back and forth between sets of trees for many hours.

This was not as annoying as it was interesting.

I also wanted to make note I have discovered an effective way to sleep without a lot of weight on my feet.

I grew up sleeping with cats and dogs on my feet.

yes, I have severe asthma;
yes, severely allergic to both cats and dogs;
yes, I was sick all the time as a child;
yes, my mother is a nurse;
no, my parents were not the brightest pennies in the practical purse.

It is amazing how hard it is to break certain kinds of conditioning.

(I know, food is a good example for us all.)

I have had to have lots of weight on my feet to sleep every since childhood. We think of this as the 'simulating cats' thing at my house.

Recently I figured out I can simulate that 'cat body weight' feeling by having my bed very well tucked.

I think most of us are used to having blankets long wise on our beds.

Our Amish (there are many different kinds of Amish, in our area we think of them as 'our Amish') put the top blanket or quilt on a bed side ways and then tuck it in thoroughly.

This side ways, tucked method keeps the air from getting in and keeps all the bed linens from sliding around AND also simulates 'weight' for me. At home I do this with a single flat sheet. It is under my top quilt so it is unseen.

Our hotel room had two double beds and a very good quality pull out sofa.

The sofa was on the other side of a partial wall. The oldest stays up later then the youngest and I. So, he slept on the sofa so any light would not be in our eyes.

Our beds were very well tucked when we got there, and I made sure to slide in from the top so they stayed firmly tucked.

My sleep was a struggle because of the stress. We had lots of very early morning appts. We had a lot of preps to do in advance of appts. So, my sleep was not stellar by any means, but I did not struggle against my bed set up.

Also, our hotel had a 'green' option. No daily maid service was -$5 daily off the hotel bill. We were welcome to call for more of any thing we needed (toilet paper, tissue, clean towels, new garbage bags) at any time.

I have been known to leave notes for the staff to PLEASE NOT TOUCH the beds.

I like my pillows and things just so and do not like them rearranged. I am not a mom who insists beds be 'made' each day.

I loved this green option. The door hanger stayed put all week and no one EVER knocked on our door for early morning house keeping. We slept as late was we wanted (on non early morning appt days and the holidays). The hotel was nearly empty we heard no knocks on neighbor's doors either. And $5 a day added up to a nice savings over the course of our stay.

Mayo - the food

2012-01-05T00:01:00.075-05:00

I had an epic soup cooking session a couple days before we left for Mayo.

I made three kinds of soup for us to take with us to Mayo. I made two kinds of soup to leave home for my husband. And I restocked the freezer. I sent 9 bowls of soup (3 large servings each of 3 different kinds) to my mother.

We took a large cooler of food with us to Mayo. Our room had a refrigerator (the rectangle kind, not the little square kind), a toaster, a microwave, and a small kitchen sink/counter.

We drove to Mayo (10+ hours) on Monday 12/19. Tuesday we had no scheduled appointments. We figured out how to use the tunnel system.

Most of downtown/clinic is hooked up to beautiful tunnels. They do not look like tunnels, they look like wide hall ways. There are many stores and restaurants located in parts of this tunnel system including the library, an employee gym, parking garages, a church, etc.

We stayed at the Kahler Inn and Suites (there is also a Kahler Hotel owned by the same company) which are both on the tunnel system. There are also hotels not on the tunnel system which offer shuttle service. We liked our hotel a lot and would stay there again. I personally felt being on the tunnel system provided a low stress environment. We were not worried about the weather nor timing. We knew exactly how long it would take us to get to each appointment and had time to go back to our room to rest or eat between many appointments.

We found a local food coop and a Target and Best Buy and a good local grocery store.

Beside the soup I brought from home, in our room I had -

- Fage yogurt/single serve fruit cups/walnuts (this is what I ate for breakfast most every day).

- frozen veggies.

- the oldest brought two hard boiled eggs from the breakfast buffet several times. I liked these with cooked chopped spinach and a chopped avocado. ( I still ate an avocado each day we were there even though I was not eating my normal breakfast).

Restaurant wise I utilized -

- lettuce wraps from Jimmie Johns (turkey, cheese, double onion, tomato, alfalfa sprouts, sliced cucumber, mustard, I added my own avocado).

- Mongolian Grill at HuHot. This was a pick your own food and they grill it in front of your eyes without adding anything place. We ate there several times as it works well for youngest too.

- Two family style restaurants were I was able to get custom salads and Egg Beaters veggies omelets.

I had a few rough patches with food while we were there.

Each time, I thought, this is what stress eating feels like.

I had a couple rough moments with food WANTS after we returned home.

Part of this was just plain AFTERS.

Part of this was because I didn't get to the store immediately (next time I will ask husband to A. clean out refrigerator B. go to store).

The kids were doing a bit of baking. After a couple wander by attacks with cookies, I had them package them per person and put them where I was NOT seeing them and all was fine.

I did really well.

It was totally foreign environment; I was under a lot of stress.

I knew to look for solutions.

I was answer oriented.

I have had a lot of practice this year. This was my third major trip in 2011 (Chicago, Washington DC, Rochester MINN). I have learned a lot.

Two important steps - knowing what to do and then applying it. Both parts are crucial.

And returning home, catching up on other blogs, I found this gem of a quote:

"I do note that while long-term maintainers who are moderate eaters who eat everything but only in moderation and never overeat or obsess over their food are rare birds, the ones who can plan to overeat one meal or plan to overeat one day and still remain on the right path the over 364 days/1000+ meals of the year are even rarer."

That is Jane. And it is true. Very grounding, This is who we are, this is how we are, this is what we do. It is not what people generally want to hear. They want to hear there is magic. I am comforted more by reality than magic.

Mayo - the results

2012-01-04T00:01:00.137-05:00

There are no results yet. (UPDATE ON RESULTS IN COMMENTS)

The first appointment we had at Mayo was in the pediatric gastroenterology section of the clinic.

We saw two doctors there.

Mayo already had much of the youngest's history because our home town doctor as well as one of the local hospitals and Riley had provided copies of everything (paper) from past tests. When my doctors office had originally contacted Mayo for an appointment, they sent a copy of her gi (since the age of 11 mos) and headache (new) related paper file.

PED GI took more history from us (not test history, but how it was to live her life).

PED GI then scheduled her testing and appointments for the rest of her visit which included major gi testing, major lab work, the pain clinic (which involved 4 different doctors from different sections of the pain clinic), a neurologist, one cardiac test, one food GI test (how her body processes).

Think of these PED GI doctors as being her primary care physicians within the Mayo system. All data from all the different areas comes back to them and they put all the pieces together and communicate to us.

After we saw the PED GI primary care doctors, they were both off on their holiday vacation. They were gone the whole second week we were at Mayo. We did not see them again after that first day.

I did not know this in advance of going, but it was explained to us immediately that first day. We knew all followup would either be long distance (phone or skype) or depending on the outcome, we would make a trip back to Mayo (in January).

I was okay with this for the following reasons:
1. we were there for almost two weeks and she only missed 2 1/2 days of school.

2. every test and doctor we needed to see was available because it was their slow time of year.

3. even if the PED GI's had been available, by the time we left, most of the results were not yet available. Lab work was still being cultured, reports written, etc. Even if we had a 'results' appt the day we left, all the data would not have been ready. We saw a lot of other doctors. We talked to a lot of nurses. We worked with a lot of techs (doing the tests). We did not at all feel abandoned.

4. the clinic is used to dealing with people long distance. They are geared for this type of approach.

I mentioned much of the youngest's history was sent by her home town physician. That office also obtained copies of most of her past tests going back many, many years.

Think of it this way: In the beginning, figuring out what department is primary and scheduling the initial appt, the Mayo staff looks at the paper history of the patient. When the patient is actually being seen, Mayo does not want to see the written report of how someone else read a scan. They want a DVD showing the actual scan. For youngest, this involved testing from three major hospitals in Indiana.over 13 years. Interestingly Riley not only sent DVD's of all procedures, they still had the actual slides (like you put under a microscope) of internal biopsies from the fall of 2006. Another regional hospital was able to make DVD's from everything ever done with her. The first time she was at that hospital was Christmas day when she was 11 mos old. She is now 13. They had EVERYTHING. The third regional hospital had NOTHING. It turns out they only keep things for 5 years. So they had copies of reports, but no 'film' of the actual procedures. Which from Mayo's point of view meant they had nothing. No one in my family will ever have another thing done through that hospital system.

When the Mayo phone nurse was helping us prepare for our visit, she had said, quite emphatically that I was to hand carry all these DVD's and slides to our first appt at Mayo. They were not to be sent in advance.

By chance, Riley sent the biopsy slides to my local doctor (who gave them to me to hand carry) but sent the DVD's directly to Mayo.

I had a moment's panic over this. I assumed things were to be hand carried so they were not lost. I did not 'spill over' this panic. I realized what was done was done and if the DVD's were lost at Mayo, Mayo would simply call Riley and ask them to burn and fed ex a second set off their computer system.

The other good, regional hospital, had me pick up the materials in person (so I signed for them) to hand carry to Mayo.

When we turned all materials over, to the PED GI front desk that first day, they said they would have them all loaded (in their computer system) for the doctors and then all materials would be returned.

When we saw the PED GI doctors a few minutes later, they said, several times, they wished they had all of that data (DVD's and slides) well in advance of our appt.

I explained, clearly, but without getting upset, that the phone nurse had been very specific we were to hand carry all these materials and not send them in advance (the first time the doctors said this). And then when they said it again (wanted it all in advance) I simply said, you will have to communicate that directly to your phone nurse.

This is a very good example of something that would have SUNK me not too long ago. This type of thing used to open a sucking vortex which pulled every other past/negative thing in with it.

I made a reference to being at the point in my process where I will not refer to Ellen's challenge as a 'hate' thing and instead think of it as a positive thing (which it actually is). I avoid the sucking vortex thinking 100%.

When the PED GI doctors stepped out of the room at some point in that first appointment, the oldest said - you did very well with the whole NOT knowing to send things in advance conversation. Oldest said - that WAS upsetting. He said that would have bothered him too. He said you did a very good job of standing up for yourself (that is what phone nurse said) and boundaries (if that is not what was supposed to be done, that is an issue between you and your phone nurse, not you and me). This was not just on the outside, I FELT that all the way through my thinking and my feeling. I was okay letting that be their issue and not mine.

The only time I did not do well was when we thought we had messed up youngest's fasting for a gi test.

As it turned out, we had messed up.

In the course of figuring that out, they discovered we had not only messed up the timing, they had messed up what they told her to eat.

The directions said she was supposed to NOT eat dairy, grains, fruit/sugars the day before the test and then fast from 8pm the day before the test. Being a vegan she had eaten lentils and veggies and sweet potatoes. As I type that out, I see how I should have been smart enough to realize they did not mean sugars, they meant carbs. But I missed it.

As we were figuring this out, I was in tears.

Because I had messed up.

And the mess up meant the test could not be run for two more days as she had to re fast.

I said, in tears but able to communicate: a list of what TO EAT would have been more helpful. They agreed.

I said - what do people usually eat? And they said - steak and a salad.

I said that is problem for a vegan and I didn't 'get' that from the directions.

They agreed the directions could have been a lot better.

And I learned.

I will now have a red flag and CALL for better directions with this type of test.

Re fasting she ate only green, low carb veggies the day before the test and stopped eating at 6pm the night before the test.

The re test worked perfectly and they got all the data they needed (it was a carbohydrate breath test analyzing the gases her body produces as it breaks down food. In other words her chemical reaction to carbs (not blood sugar reaction, stomach gases reaction).

Between oldest, youngest and I we did well for almost the whole time we were gone.

The day before we left, frankly, youngest and I were sick of each other. I left hotel room and found a quiet spot in hotel and caught up on phone calls. By the next day we were fine.

Oldest was a trouper. He is not used to living with us; he is used to being at college. He was a gem the whole time we were gone. Lots of help. Fun. Supportive.

I think it was a very good experience for him. If something happens to my husband and I, he would be able to be understand youngest's medical history and be proactive for future care. As his future family has medical needs, he will have deeper understanding and experience in both support and advocacy and communication. I think these are important skill sets (especially) for men to learn.

bi·op·sy

n. pl. bi·op·sies

1. The removal and examination of a sample of tissue from a living body for diagnostic purposes.

2. A sample so obtained.

tr.v. bi·op·sied, bi·op·sy·ing, bi·op·sies

To remove (tissue) from a living body for diagnostic purposes.

#3000

2012-01-03T00:02:00.000-05:00

Every time you turn around, does it seem like I have another milestone number post?

Today marks my 3,000th post.

Yes, comma is in the right place, correct number of zeros.

It is just sort of freaking amazing how quickly the numbers grow.

My process started in fall of 2004. This blog started in July of 2006. So, yes that means the first first full two years are not here. The blog catches the end of my weight loss process/getting to maintenance level number one, then two years of my first maintenance, and then six months of my second weight loss process (last 20 lbs) in 2009, and now two years at my second maintenance level. There are paragraphs on my side bar, just under my picture, which outline the years.

The time, like the posts, and the pounds, has just flown.

It seems very hard to believe I have been in my second maintenance for as long as my first.

And that two years (first maintenance) seems more like a part of weight loss than maintenance to me now.

Honestly, those two years feel like newbie years in retrospect.

The two years I just completed (second maintenance) feel like newbie years too.

I feel like I am just getting out of the toddler stage.

Feels like I am just talking my first toddling baby steps, all these years later.

I think that cognizant, cautious, ego at the door, find myself help/answers, one thing at a time, prioritizing, long haul outlook is why I am where I am.

My blog has always been am important part of that process.

It is how I see what I have done and keep my focus.

Those 3000 posts reflect a lot of learning and growth for me - one day at a time, one post at a time, one habit at a time, one pound at a time.

PS - depending on how your feeder loads, there is another post today talking about Ellen's Positive Challenge and with links to Hanlie's 2010 and 2011 new year's posts.

Positive Self Talk Reminder from Ellen and visualization from Hanlie

2012-01-03T00:01:00.007-05:00

A whole year has gone by since Ellen ran her Positive Self Talk Challenge*** last year.

Can you believe it?

For a trip down 2011 memory lane:
Ellen's Positive Challenge explained. Becoming Aware of Negative Self Talk and 1st Group Therapy Day and 2nd Group Therapy Day. and 3rd Group Therapy Day and 4th/last group therapy day post. Ellen's video conclusion is here. The comments section for each of the above links is brimming with people's experiences participating in this challenge.If you missed it last year and like to poke around in archives, you might enjoy the links above, again be sure to read all the comments. Or maybe you read them all last year but would enjoy reading them again.

NOTE: Ellen has a new positive challenge starting in 2012.Here is the second post on her new challenge.Here is the assignment for the first week.

***As I went to copy the new posts over to link, I realized Ellen calls the challenge something with the word hate in it. I can't bring myself to type that word nor think of it that way. I realized it was that way last year too. She called it one thing and I called it something that had better karma to me all last year. So I continue to call it Ellen's Positive Self Talk Challenge with the emphasis on the POSITIVE (while she calls it something entirely different). Just saying.

AND

Here is Hanlie with a different kind of New Years Resolutions Post (2010). She wrote about where she wants to be as if she has already made it/achieved goals. Sort of a "fake it until you make it" visualization. And here is Hanlie's new post in 2011.

Three posts up today

2012-01-02T13:49:00.002-05:00

CT colonography showed everything was okay

2012-01-02T13:48:00.000-05:00

When I got back from Mayo, there were two messages on voice mail asking me to call my GI's nurse. For a moment I thought - I am not sure I can deal with any more right now. But I didn't procrastinate. I called that first day back. Nurse said my CT colonography was normal. She said a letter for my file was on the way to me. She said I needed to have a follow up one done in 5 years and they would call to remind me at that time.

2012-01-02T00:02:00.001-05:00

Barbara's response to The Fat Trap.

Barbara wrote:
"Here’s some of what we’ve learned so far:

"Weight maintenance is possible. There is nothing in our group experience (or in my personal clinical experience) to suggest that the body “forces” one to regain.

"Weight maintenance requires a separation from the world of “normal” American eating…which is not normal at all.

"Some people are heavy simply because they are susceptible to the modern diet , no more no less. Others are heavy because they use food for soothing or sedation. Most people are a mix of both. If psychological issues are a major part of weight gain—significantly beyond the common enjoyment of food for pleasure, they need to be addressed during the maintenance phase.

"Weight maintainers are special people who live on a kind of food island. It’s really nice to know that the island is inhabited, often with fascinating, determined people just like you. Rarely do maintainers get to meet and talk with one another."

Resolutions - Rosalyn Carter quote and Shauna's Spreadsheets post and Lynn's Video

2012-01-02T00:01:00.008-05:00

If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.
Rosalyn Carter

For most of us, in weight loss/maintenance blog land, this quote is about getting out of our own heads. Getting out of our own way. Can you relate?

Today's Resolutions link is Shauna's There will be Spreadsheets. And she followed up with herself all year.

And as a bonus - Lynn's Shine Your Light New Year's Video from last year.

What I did this week, this is the one while I was at Mayo and found the shoe store

2012-01-01T00:01:00.020-05:00

Left for Mayo early on Monday 12/19 returned home on Thursday 12/29 in the wee hours. No intentional exercise while I was gone.

There was an exercise room at the hotel. I could have gone and gotten on a treadmill, but had not packed my athletic shoes and was afraid of messing up my metatarsals (of all the things wrong with me, that is the one I am most careful).

We did a lot of walking at Mayo. I am under NO illusions the walking we did was 'exercise', it was just wear and tear on body. But did not want to get on a treadmill, with the wrong shoes, and then have trouble getting to appts. Did not want to have one bit more of added stress.

Friday 12/30 (home) we had two afternoon, doctor's appts, one for oldest (shoe inserts) and one for youngest (getting TENS machine for her stomach). I slept in as late as I could. Between sleep and appts, missed any available classes.

SHOES:
There just happened to be a very good shoe store in the tunnels at Mayo. Lairs Shoes. (This is a full orthopedic store which offers many services. That is the type of shoe store I need.)

Walking by I realized they carried Finn Comfort brand. I went in when I had a lot of time available and would not be rushed, to see if they carried Finn shoes. My local store carries Finn sandals, but not Finn shoes.

They did indeed carry the shoes.

I first communicated my foot issues to the salesman: arch issues, inserts, need major metatarsal support from both above and below, need thick sole/non flexible shoe, have a thin foot (from floor up, not width).

I explained I have a pair of Finn sandals that are wonderful for my needs. I explained my local store does not carry Finn shoes for me to try in person (will not buy shoe without trying first).

I also explained one of my shoe guys said a pair of non flexible sole Finns shoes would be perfect for me if it was the right pair. I said in the summer, my foot alternates between my custom inserts in shoes and my Finn Sandals (where I use the insert that came with the shoe after arch cookies were added. And please note I have the cookies added by a professional, I do not buy an over the counter product and try to put it in myself). I said shoe guy said alternating back and forth was very smart for me. I want to be able to alternate in the winter too. Hence the need for Finn Shoes.

We stood in front of the display considering the pros and cons of each and every pair. There was one pair which met all of my criteria and I liked that pair. Like my sandals, I am able to use the insert which came with the shoe, but they need a bit of custom work. I need a bit of an arch cookie put under the insert. I need padding on the back side of the tongue so they are snugger on my foot.

To explain the thin-ness of my foot: I can't buy a pair of non-adjustable sandal/thongs for the pool and have the strap fit across my foot. There is enough room for me to put my hand on top of my foot, under the stop strap, in the sandal. When buying lace up shoes, the two sides of the shoe are touching when laced as tightly as possible and there is still extra room in the shoe. Padding under the tongue, in lace up shoes, works if it is the right shoe (thin shoe). Padding in the right shoe gives me that extra metatarsal support I need as well as making my feet secure in the shoes.

I bought the shoes, but did not have their shoe guy do the custom work. I brought them home with me and will have my guy look at them. I have two weeks to return (15% restocking fee, but returnable).

I really understand my foot needs. I also understand if I am not in the right shoes, everything connected is impacted negatively (foot bone, connected to the ankle bone, ankle bone connected to the shin bone. . .). Slightly wrong pair of shoes bothers the feet and ankles. Slightly wrong-er pair of shoes impacts the shins and on up to knees. REALLY wrong shoes can impact up to the neck (knees, hips and back included).

I avoid injuries.

I avoid self induced injuries/problems 100%.

PS -
Had this exact same conversation (as this post) with the oldest and youngest. As I mentioned, we picked up a new pair of inserts for the oldest. Middle, youngest and I already had the inserts done using the computer sensor pad, oldest was last to get his. Our previous inserts were done by making cast of our feet. We even had the foot bone connected to the ankle bone discussion. My kids really understand all of this and take good care of their feet.

TO DO lists/resolutions, am not a fan of the traditional viewpoint

2011-12-31T00:01:00.005-05:00

"Motivation is what gets you started, HABIT is what keeps you going." ~ Jim Rohn.

"A Year from now you may wish you had started today." ~ Karen Lamb

You have heard me say this about TO DO lists on a very regular basis over the years: I avoid falling into the TOO high expectations trap.

I keep a list in the car of errands needed. This is so I do not drive by a location only to realize, after I am back home again, I needed to stop there.

Those are empowering, helpful TO DO lists.

But I do not have the 'writing a novel while climbing the mountain backwards' mentality about TO DO lists.

This goes for New Year's Resolutions too.

I try to live every day facing foward and simply doing what I need to do. Proactive, helpful habits.

As I started 2010, I did have goals. They were to keep up with my kitchen, bathroom and paperwork.

As a means to this end, I made myself a reminder post to pop up automatically the first of each month.

After 5-6 months of reminders, I was able to remember to just do what needed to be done. Habit applied.

I had days where I got behind with this chores, but I did not get stuck in the muck. I got myself facing forward and moving again. Habit applied, delayed, but applied.

My husband's mother died in September of 2010 and a truck load came from her house to ours. Started with the small garage bay full. Then was down to piles in the house. The week before Christmas was the 'just do it' time. And it did get done.

Going into 2011, I did not have a physical resolution in mind. But I did have a few emotional things in mind.

Nothing specific, but just that niggly feeling that I needed to do more emotional work.

As 2011 unfolded (remember, was with my therapist), this work came in the form of boundaries.

2011 was the year of the boundaries.

My mother, ME, my husband mostly, but also one long time friend. I had kept my distance from this friend while I was in process for many years. In 2011 was able to hold my new boundaries and sort of set new relationship.

It was all unpleasant as it happened (change is not usually a comfortable feeling).

But I ended up in a much better place in the end.

How other people needed up was their choice.

Some ended up better, some it is too soon to tell.

there are two kinds of resolutions - the stopping kind and the starting kind, this post is about the stopping

2011-12-30T00:01:00.007-05:00

Heading into the year 2011 (note the '11'),
a Reverb 10 prompt by Sam Davidson read:
"What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011?
How will you go about eliminating them?
How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?"
Here is the long list of links which appeared when I queried Yahoo on this topic.

I found this whole concept very interesting.

In general, in the beginning of this journey, I had to do a lot of STOPPING.

"One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it." ~ Anonymous.

One of the first things I stopped, weight loss related, was the phone.

I used to spend a lot of time on the phone.

And when I was one the phone, I ate.

As I stopped this (negative) behavior, I realised my main phone 'friend' was a BIG TIME ENABLER. At the time, I thought she was one of the most important things in my life. But I realized (when she was gone) that this was an illusion. She was a very negative influence on me.

I cleared out a lot of physical stuff: clutter, junk, too much, and also my quilting (which lead to a very sedentary life style). There were 4-5 garage sales and many trips to good will involved in this paring down process. And one of the very last steps was the "selling of the chairs". I had way too many chairs (I sort of adopted strays) and sent them to various friends' garage sales as one of my very last steps. At each garage sale, one or two sold, in the end - and then there were none.

I weaned myself from too many volunteer jobs. And I did this in a way which made me feel successful and empowered. I learned to say NO to new things. And I wrapped up my commitments in a very responsible way. I found people to take jobs out of my hands and I trained/transitioned very kindly. I had three very big jobs at the youngest's school. I moved them, one at a time, over the course of four years. One transition a year. And yes, the transitioning was more time consuming than 'just doing' the job. And then I didn't start new jobs at the high school. I simply realized I had done more than my share from 1999-2010 and let it go.

I was able to step back from my mom's husband (2010 also). He moved to a nursing home and that made a huge difference in my life. I still did the occasional job like trading my mom's old cell phone in for a new one (she is on our plan and therefore one of us had to go/do it). But was pretty much out of their daily life. That was a biggie.

Everything I have mentioned above had a great deal to do with insuring a successful maintenance. Some where on my side bar I have a note - if it looks like I have gotten off topic (weight loss/maintenance), look again. Very true. It is all very inner related.

ps -
Jane happened to write a very good post on this same topic - stopping stuff vs starting stuff - this week. Here is the link if you missed it.

Resolutions - Our Lady

2011-12-29T00:01:00.003-05:00

My Collection of New Year's Resolutions Posts got to be VERY large (last year).

So this year I am spreading them out sort of a 'link a day' concept. Very much like my Monday Quotes, only an every day link.

Today's Featurette: Our Lady of Weight Loss Janice Taylor

21 Steps to Living a Life You Love
(link in this 2009 post leads you to the steps)

Being a S-M-A-R-T-A-S-S (from 2009)

New Year Resolutions - 10 Tips On How to Get Going Again!

Smile in 2011

Resolutions - Anne and Ellen's lists

2011-12-28T00:01:00.006-05:00

My Collection of New Year's Resolutions Posts got to be VERY large (last year).

So this year I am spreading them out sort of a 'link a day' concept. Very much like my Monday Quotes, only an every day link.

Today I am featuring Anne and Ellen.

Anne's Timeless Daily Inventory Questions.

and

Ellen has her own list of questions up in a post from earlier this week.

It is a good list:

1. What did you want more of in 2011 and did you get it?

2. What did you accomplish this year that surprised you?

3. Did you read any memorable books or see any great movies this year? What made it/them great?

5. What was your proudest accomplishment in 2011?

6. Did you do anything spontaneous that ended up enriching your life?

7. Did you meet any interesting people in 2011 for whom you are grateful to have in your life?

8. What was missing from your life this year, and do you have any desire to reclaim it?

9. Was there anything that happened in 2011 that you could have done without?

10. What lesson do you want to keep locked in your memory as this year comes to a permanent close?

Resolutions - Gretchen

2011-12-27T00:01:00.002-05:00

My Collection of New Year's Resolutions Posts got to be VERY large (last year).

So this year I am spreading them out sort of a 'link a day' concept. Very much like my Monday Quotes, only an every day link.

Today I am spotlighting Gretchen (Happiness Project):

Her featurette starts with a quote (Samuel Johnson's diary entry from 1764) she posted last year -

“I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving; having, from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing. The need of doing, therefore, is pressing, since the time of doing is short. O GOD, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions.”

This quote was included in her Video: Happiness Boosting Resolutions for 2011.

Here is another video post: Making the new year a happier time.

More Gretchen links from 2010:
Keeping New Year's Resolutions. And also 5 Questions/Tips. And here is a clip from her CBS Morning show appearance last year.

Resolutions - 'time is going to go by anyway' quote

2011-12-26T00:01:00.002-05:00

"Don't let the fear
of the time it will take
to accomplish something
stand in the way of your doing it.
The time will pass anyway;
we might just as well
put that passing time
to the best possible use."
Earl Nightingale

What a great quote this is, especially right before New Year's Resolution time.

This quote is sort of how I think about putting in the effort it takes to get to goal.

If I am going to maintain, which I do, then I might as well maintain at goal, rather than part way to goal.

I am not saying everyone's goal has to be the same.

I am saying, whatever the goal, might as well roll up the sleeves and get there, and then maintain. (Makes life with clothes a heck of a lot easier too).

I really love that quote.

What I did this week

2011-12-25T10:05:00.006-05:00

Left for Mayo early on 12/19 returned home on 12/29 in the wee hours. No intentional exercise while I was gone.

Sweaters

2011-12-25T00:03:00.085-05:00

This is a 3 post day. The other two posts are lists of books.

I realise my point of view is unique. There are not a lot of people writing in blog land with all their weight off, and maintaining long term. When you read posts like today's, please do not think it has to do with anyone other than me. Because it doesn't. It is from my current perspective. If you have been with me from the beginning, or have gone back and read, I know you understand this concept. If you are new to reading me, I have been through a lot of different steps/viewpoints, and this is where I am now. I started at the beginning, like everyone else. I write about where I am now, every day.

My closet was stripped down to almost nothing as I got to my first maintenance level. I added back things slowly. I chose well. I chose things I really liked.

Those were the days (first maintenance) when things (most everything) had to be altered because my stomach was (at least) one size larger than my hips/butt/thighs. I bought for the biggest part of me (stomach) and altered the rest.

That was a real pain.

When I lost my last 20 lbs and settled into my final/second maintenance, the bottom half of me was proportional. I can buy clothes and do not have to alter.

6 mos into my second maintenance, I went back to free weights. A year into my second maintenance, I went back to Pilate's. A year and a half into my second maintenance, I went back to full yoga classes. And each time, with the change in the routine, with my weight staying the same, my body changed again.

My shoulders and bust and upper arms and torso got much leaner.

No pounds difference, yes tone difference.

I have mentioned that when this tone happened, I was okay with clothes floating away from my body. When there was a leaner body under there, I was okay with my silhouette in slightly looser clothes.

I am sooooooooo not talking about boxy Tshirts with an emblem on them. I do not have one single Tshirt like that in my closet. NOT ONE. I also still am careful about anything that hits my bust and then hangs straight down like maternity. I wear fitted clothes. But the difference was in how fitted they have to be.

This all brings me to today's topic - sweaters.

I bought thin fitted sweaters a couple years ago. These are all pull over the head with scoop or V neck. I tend to wear them with long sleeved, fitted, scoop necked T's. Most of these T's are from Lands End. They are solid and in a lot of colors. I have a variety of these combinations. I wear them all the time when it is cold.

Last year I bought winter coats. No, I have no idea exactly what I was doing before I had winter coats. It is one of those things where Sharla said - for heavens sake, go buy yourself coats and I did. I have a long one from Lands End that I could use to visit Alaska. I have a knee length denim one I wear in regular cold. I have scarves and gloves that match both coats.

Last year I also knew I wanted a couple long, thick, button up the front sweaters. I looked for them. My husband helped me look for them. But I couldn't find ones I liked. I didn't like how they looked on me. I felt like hulk bulk. Remember I was at the same weight I am now, last winter. And last winter I was well back into free weights.

I re-started Pilate's in February of 2011, I restarted yoga sometime after that. So, the torso differences have now set in as normal. I am my new normal. And while I was Christmas/birthday shopping for my niece and my mom, I tried on sweaters for them.

I tried on the type of sweaters I wanted last winter.

This year I loved them.

At first I thought - why didn't they have these sweaters available last year? Then I realized I was standing at discount/overstock type stores and I probably was looking at the exact same sweaters from last year.

I bought four for myself.

And I wear them all the time.

I don't give a thought to my silhouette in these sweaters.

In fact, while we were in Washington DC, I wore I long sleeved T, a thin sweater, a thickish hoodie and one of these sweaters over the top and didn't think a thing of it. I was everywhere in all those layers, had my picture taken a lot of times in all those layers, was recorded on spy cams all over the place, and didn't give it a moment's thought until the idea of this post started swirling in my brain.

Part of this difference is tone. Part of this difference is emotional.

I think some of the issue was thinking I had to show I was not fat anymore. Now that how I am - thin, toned - feels like the normal me, I don't think about it. I guess I don't feel like I have anything to prove.

What prompted this post? Sitting in the waiting room last Friday.

There was a woman who was my current size bundled in a really thick sweater. It was nearly down to her knees. She had layers on under it. I did not look at her and think there was a lot under that sweater. I did not think football player nor refrigerator.

I thought she looked adorable.

And I went out and found a sweater just like the one she was wearing and I bought it.

And that is where I am now - end of 2011 getting ready to roll into 2012.

This is the winter of the sweaters.

PS - my first (serious business) winter (2005-6) was the winter of the chocolate brown cords and real jeans. Both had waist bands and zippers and a real belt. They were beloved, especially the brown cords. That felt just as good then as sweaters feel this year. Both of those pants have been gone for a long time. I had the belt cut down so I can still wear it. One of the first things I did when I hit my second maintenance level was go buy a pair of chocolate brown cords. They are Lands End size 6. The sales lady at Sears helped me figure out pants (I tried on in store, we ordered a variety of cuts, sizes, shipping free, I returned what didn't work. I do the same thing with swimming suits from Land End). I bought 4 pairs of cords and two pairs of jeans that first winter of my final/second goal. Yes, they still fit me, every day. I have one other pair of jeans (also size 6) that are slightly snugger than my Lands End ones. Those are the jeans I wore during Christmas session last year and wore to Washington DC last month. They are my reminder jeans.

PPS - next on my list is a pair of dress pants. I had several either on the way down the scale or when I hit my first maintenance level. I have none now. We went to a Christmas party this week and I wished I had a pair. I have the shoes to wear with them. I have a couple good tops. Just need one pair of black dress pants. I will look at Macy's after I get back from Mayo's and things are on sale. For the Christmas party I wore black cords and one of the good tops. There were other women there in sparkly tops and jeans, so I was perfectly okay this time. But another time I might really need dress pants.

PPPS - my closet has been a slow and careful rebuild. And I purge on a regular basis. I also keep up with mending on a regular basis. So, I can and do wear every single thing. It is an important part of my maintenance.

100 books everyone should read

2011-12-25T00:02:00.003-05:00

Books everyone should read at least once.

100 Must-Read Books: The Essential Man’s Library

Which books should everyone read?
Information is Beautiful's David McCandless
shows how graphics have the answer

If you have another list, please leave link for me in comments.

As it relates to these lists,
in 2011 I read:
1984 by George Orwell,
Animal Farm by George Orwell.
Bleak House by Charles Dickens,
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton,
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway,
Great Gatsby (reread) by F. Scott Fitzgerald,
Hound of the Baskervilles/Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe,
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy,
Winesburg Ohio by Sherwood Anderson,

I tried to read Crime and Punishment, discovered I had already read it, barely remembered it, but had NO desire to read it again.

I also tried to read The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (happens to be one of Middle Child's favorite books). I could not get past the first chapter. If you have suggestions for me, I would appreciate it, I would really like to read this book.

I almost didn't get past the first two chapters of Bleak House. The 'story' doesn't kick in until chapter 3. Glad I stuck with it, loved that book. One of you here told me he was paid by the inch and that helped too. So my hint for this book is to start with chapter 3, and then go back and read chapters 1 & 2 when you are much further into the book (like chapter 10).

As I started into Tess, middle child said that she thought it helped to remember it is a TRAGEDY thru and thru. And actually that did help. When I had accurate expectations, I was able to take it as it was and not hope for more.

Some of these books were for my monthly book club. Some were off the 100 books lists.

I read a lot of other books this year; I probably average one book a week. But I am only tracking the 100 Books types. I think I will keep a list and post at the end of each year.

List of my therapist's favorite books

2011-12-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

Several notes: This is a list of my therapist's personal favorite books. They are not one she recommends as part of therapy. She has not read all of them. Some are 'have read', some are 'want to read'. I have only read a couple of these books and I personally would not sit down and start reading them, because she and I like different things. There are several on this list that she specifically told me not to read (and not to watch the movie) because stuff bothers me. She can sit down and have a good cry over a book and think it is wonderful. That same book might sink me. I put this list in a general alphabetical order. It might not be perfect order and I probably forgot the rules on which first words count and which are to be ignored.

The 13th Tale
2666
About a Boy
An Instance of the Fingerpost
The Angel’s Game
The Apothecary’s Daughter
Art of Racing in the Rain
The Bean Trees
Becoming Madame Mao by Anchee Min
Bel Canto
Bird by Bird
Black & Blue
Blame
The Blind Assassin
Blood of Flowers
The Boy in Striped Pajamas
The Book Thief
Change Your Brain, Change Your Body
A Clash of Kings
Cutting for Stone
The Dark Tide
Day After Night
The Dead and Gone
The Dogs of Babel
Don’t Cry
Dreaming in Hindi
Eat, Love, Pray
The Elegance of the Hedgehog
Empress Orchid
Every Last One
A Fair Maiden
Finding Your Own North Star
Game of Thrones
Getting the Girl
The Gift of Fear
Gilead
The Girl w/The Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest
The Girl Who Plays w/Fire
The Glass Castle
The Graveyard Book
The Guardian
Half the Sky
The Hangmen’s Daughter
The Help
Home
Home Safe
Honolulu
House Rules
How to Be Good by Nick Hornby
The Hunger Games
Indignation
Infidel
Inherent Vice
Kindness of Strangers
The Lacuna
The Last Empress
Life As We Knew It
Life Is Short but Wide
The Lovely Bones
Loving Frank
The Madonnas of Leningrad
Man’s Search for Meaning
The Middle Place
Mr. Pip
My Stroke of Insight
A Mercy
Molokae
Mudbound
Netherland
The Open Road
Olive Kitteridge
One True Thing
Our Story Begins
Out Stealing Horses
People of The Book
The Plague of Doves
The Philosopher’s Apprentice
The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane
Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio
The Reader
Red Azalea
The Rice Mother
Rise & Shine
Sarah’s Key
Septembers of Shiraz
The Shadow of the Wind
Shanghi Girls
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
The Soul Thief
Still Alice
A Storm of Swords
The Story of Edgar Sawtelle
Strange Fits of Passion
That Old Cape
These is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes
Those Who Save Us
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Too Much Happiness
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Two Rivers
Unaccustomed Earth
Unbroken: A WWII Story…
War Horse
Water for Elephants
The Way Through Doors
The Wednesday Wars
Where the River Ends
The White Tiger
Wild Ginger
A Whole New Mind
World Without End
Year of Wonders
The Year of Pleasures

update

2011-12-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

We are still in Rochester Minnesota.

we arrived late, last Monday 12/19 after 10+ hour drive.

Tuesday we figured out where everything was, got settled, rested.

Wednesday was pediatric gastro doctors (2) appts, lab work all day

Thursday was pain clinic appts (4) all day

Friday was endoscopic ultasound
(appt was 7:30am and she was back on her feet by 5pm or so)

no appts Sat-Mon
Friday night was the first time I REALLY slept
downtime feels good, not wasted

we do not care that we are stuck here for christmas - just hope they can help

Tuesday is food sensitivity testing all morning, ped neurologist in afternoon

we are waiting to see if ped neurologist orders more tests

she has done well with everything

thank heavens oldest came - helps to have another set of ears and hands and helped hugely with long drive, he brought hard drive loaded with things to watch, hooks up directly to TV. have worked our way through Big Bang season 4 to current. many other things.

washer/dryer at hotel - doing laundry this weekend

found very good grocery and also food coop, have refrigerator/micro/toaster in hotel room and I brought 3 batches of soup with us

we each have our own bed and that helps too.

it is cold here, but not very, no snow on ground, we have kept hotel room window cracked open all the time for fresh air, very comfortable. I will tell you the story of the flocks of crows and fog horns when I have more time.

we are able to use underground tunnels to walk to all appts/buildings/hospital, everything has been outpatient so far

staff is very good

buildings are breath taking. we took an art collection tour on Tuesday (our down day) and it is impressive

we took a buildings tour (an hour) one other day during a bit of free time and it was very interesting.

Merry Christmas

I heard from Laura (phone) earlier today when she sent me texts

Appreciated all your notes on my earlier posts - helps.

my mom, situation getting better and better

2011-12-24T00:01:00.003-05:00

I am not sure if my mother has been doing better with me or I have been doing better with my mother, but things have been getting better all fall/early winter.

It was pretty awful last spring (my birthday was in March and if you are looking for the posts, they are all right around that time).

What happened?

I figured out my boundaries and then stuck to them.

This was all with feedback from my therapist.

I stuck to them, no matter what, all through the icky spring and summer with her (my mother, not therapist).

I was perfectly willing to have whatever happened, happen.

If she had decided to stay icky, I was okay with that.

My kids were perfectly okay with that.

I mentioned (post right after Thanksgiving) that I realized I needed to NOT make my mother a packaged deal (with me) in the eyes of my kids.

My therapist had also suggested I not involve my mom in any way with ME during this time. Therapist had suggested any involvement should be with her own grandchildren. I did that. And it did help.

I never said a word to my mother about this. I just did it.

And at the same time, I found out later, my mom had decided the same thing. Unbeknown to me, ME had been calling her. My mother didn't answer and didn't return the calls. This happened with several other people. It falls under the not exactly lying, more like creating impressions category and a couple other people stepped out early. I didn't find any of this out until after she moved.

I am back to talking on the phone to my mom a couple times a day. They are pleasant conversations.

My mom picks up youngest when middle has college and I am on the other side of town (with middle). This helps me and also gives those two time together. It is not a big inconvenience/expense for my mom as youngest's school is within a few blocks of nursing home. My mom simply plans her visiting hours so when she leaves she picks up youngest on way home. We live within a couple blocks of each other. As I said, this is much appreciated by me.

Just wanted to give you an update.

Things are very different than they were a year ago at this time.

Either do it now, or do it later, but either way, it needs done

2011-12-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

I wrote:
The other thing I realized (second reading) is I only had 80 lbs to lose. Barbara might be dealing with a client base that has twice that (just picking a number) amount to lose. Yes, I think that might make a difference on a lot of levels.

Then later that same day or the next, I read this on Jen's post:
"The problems they have are probably directly proportional to the amount of excess weight they are carrying . . ."

Speaking for myself only, I think that is probably a true statement for me.

I think if I had let my inner stuff fester and had not started to turn things around, my weight would have continued to escalate, directly proportional to my anger, frustration, avoidance, fear, guilt, etc.

I didn't understand when I was in the midst of the sucking vortex, that not dealing was actually harder (on myself) than dealing and fixing.

The dealing and fixing (each tiny little step) wasn't actually that hard.

It was just the fact that there were so darned many little steps.

And nearly everything needed changed.

Hanlie mentioned "upkeep" the same day I happened to be writing this post (I write ahead when I know I am going to be really busy or when I have a thought and want to get it down, like today).

And my mind went to property.

If one maintains property, does the work when it needs done, faces/deals, then the property is always in good shape.

If one lets everything pile up (undone) then the property gets in very bad shape very quickly.

Like if one decides to sell the property, then there is a lot of time/expense required.

And each job is now harder, because the starting small problem has now escalated into bigger issues over time.

OR
It is like scraping barnacles off the bottom of a boat.

If one scrapes regularly, still hard work but not daunting.

If one waits for a very long time, and has been in murky waters, there is a lot of scraping to be done.

A lot of back breaking, arm breaking, seriously hard work.

All of my examples deal with the physical.

But as I write this post, I am actually thinking more of the inner work, the mental side of us, just as (I think) Jen was referencing (in her link above).

PS - Jen's line made me wonder if there are other categories - the amount of weight we carry (as she said), how long we have been trying to loose weight, how many different plans we have tried, how much we yoyo, how unhappy we are, how we are doing in the rest of our life - many legs of the spider, all attached to the body. And the body started with where we are in our state of mind (I think).

I go

2011-12-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

I wrote:
I am always aware that at any given point, I might lose my ability to exercise for a while. Surgery, illness, injury. It has happened before, I am always prepared for the possibility that it can happen again, with no advance notice. The workout I do today, might be my last for a while. Reality. Every day reality.

Today's post:
Seven lines reprinted above.

I wouldn't say seven sentences exactly.

But seven lines all ending with a period.

Not a lot of type space.

But such an important concept.

I could have started this post by typing -

THE ANSWER: come hell or high water

And then asked if anyone knew the question.

Long time readers and those brave souls who have gone back to the beginning and read every word (they even read all the comments, bless them), would have known the question.

HOW DO I GET TO EXERCISE ON TUESDAY AND THURSDAY?

In the last several months, all of these things have happened -

ME told her lawyers we can't go into Chicago on a Tuesday or a Thursday.

My husband drove ME to train station before work on a Tuesday and she went into Chicago by herself (she is 21 and we have now gone in so many times we could do it in our sleep) when it did have to be on a Tuesday.

My two working mom carpool families have figured out how to get kids to school on delay days if they hit on a Tuesday or a Thursday (they take in the morning, I pick up in the afternoon while they are at work).

I have gone when I had a 16 hour day in Chicago the day before exercise day.

I have gone when I had a very bad sleep night.

I have gone when I did not feel well.

I have gone when it was foggy.

I have gone when I had a kid sick at home.

I have gone when I was sore as could be from the previous workout.

I go.

It is one of the most empowering things I do.

And even having said all that, and mean it, I know 99.9% of it is food.

I can't work hard enough to work off self destructive food choices.

I can't assume that tomorrow I can work off poor food choices of today.

I can't assume that tomorrow I will make any better food choices than today.

I am aware of that each and every day.

shoot the duck and forearm stands

2011-12-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

If you are a long time yoga person, the last one will give it away, but the first one might have thrown you.

Shoot the duck -
Here is a picture. This is roller skating. And you might want to ignore the tongue and the beer.

Here is another take on ice skates.

Shoot the duck is also (apparently) a yoga move.

No skates.

Start in down dog, one foot forward to lunge, drop the butt into a squat, as back foot/leg moves forward and continues forward until it is straight out in front of you. (So the leg that was back in the lunge is the leg that shoots the duck forward.) To get out of it, supporting leg straightens slightly, torso rises and comes forward a bit to allow front leg to slide back into lunge. Hands can absolutely stay on floor, on either side of feet/legs, for balance. Can I do this? Yes, I can. Not a pretty or smooth as I would like, but yoga is a practice, it will come.

Forearm stand -
Here is one how to video.

Here is a video series with a lot of options.

Notice the arm placement (hands together) in the second example on the video, that is the placement I use for my forearm stand. And I do mine lightly against the wall (to protect my back in case I fall over backwards and grip/strain my back on the way down).

Yes, I can do this easily.

It was interesting to hear (in the video) that this pose is about back strength and not arm strength. I hold for about one minute and then step down, one leg and then the other.

PS -
And in the process of looking for video links, I happened upon this one. This is peacock. Not the yoga body you were expecting was it? What she did requires a lot of strength and balance.

hydration calculator

2011-12-20T00:01:00.001-05:00

Hydration Calculator

If something happens to the link, I first went to about.com and then typed in hydration calculator. I am adding this link to the Nutrition/Tracking Links section of my side bar for easy location/use in future.

This is a series of short questions which are then applied to how much water one should drink.

Some of you will get serious laughs out of the questions.

To give an idea of the difference, I calculated for myself and then for ME.

Vickie's needed water: 73.5 ounces of water, or 2.2 liters

ME's needed water: 42.5 ounces of water, or 1.3 liters

How do I drink my water?

1. I keep a Kleen Kanteen in my car. I take it in with me to my yoga studio and fill it with ice out of their very nice, large ice maker after class each day. When I get back in the car, after exercise or after yoga, I honestly want cold water.

2. I keep another (very large) Kleen Kanteen upstairs, by my nest and use it like a pitcher. So, I always have a supply of water to refill my glass when I am upstairs.

3. I drink hot water with fresh squeezed lemon if I need something hot.

4. I always order water when I am eating away from home. This (eating away from home) doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I order water. Everyone in my family does.

5. If we are attending an event at school or church or the like, we take water. It is amazing how frequently every kind of pop/soda under the sun is available, but not water.

6. We keep a case of water bottles in the upstairs refrigerator all the time. When we are going somewhere for the day, we put this water, with freezer packs in a cooler in the trunk of my car. I am not a fan of plastic water bottles, but if I have a pile of extra kids with me, this is the easiest answer. My own kids put their Kleen Kanteern's in the cooler. When nephew is with us over the summer, we are very active. It is his job to pack the cooler and restock the upstairs refrigerator. He is very well trained.

ps - I am not sure I have talked about this since an Amazon conversation long, long ago. But do you know how fat is flushed out of your body? That's right - pee. And you have to drink water in order to produce pee and keep everything flushed, healthy and hydrated. Puts a whole new spin on it doesn't it?

2011-12-19T00:01:00.005-05:00

"Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense."
Thomas Arnold Bennett

This quote made me think of push ups and squats and lunges.

Three of the most important things I do on a regular basis.

I never like them.

But as I continue to do them, and get better, there is a real sense of accomplishment.

A new woman came to pilates a couple weeks ago.

And as she struggled, I thought of newbies every where.

We all start from where we are.

I started in 2004 with 80 extra pounds.

My sit ups were lie downs and my push ups were push downs.

That lady just happened to show up on my zillionth class, 6 years later. . .

What I did this week

2011-12-18T00:01:00.004-05:00

no intentional exercise of any kind this week.
this was the week (plus half of last week) of the colon.

I also chipped and tooth and had it repaired this week.

Middle had her college (200 level philosophy class) final.
It was take home essay and took her every extra minute Monday-Wednesday.

Youngest did stage crew for the school Christmas play, so she stayed after school Mon-Wed and then both performances were Thursday (in school and evening). I went to the performance. My last Christmas play for this school. As I was watching, I kept looking at the sheep hats and thinking, I made some kind of hats one year, long ago. The longer I looked at them, the more familiar they became. When I looked at the program it said - and thanks to Mrs. Vickie X who made the sheep hats! When I saw Sister and the music director after the play, they said they had smiled when they put that in the program. I said - how many years ago did I make those hats? We couldn't decide it it was when middle was in 3rd grade or youngest was in 3rd grade (so either 5 years ago or 9 years ago). A lot of water under the bridge, so long ago in so many ways. (The Christmas play is 3rd-5th grade. The spring play is 6th-8th grade. 8th graders do sound and lighting for both plays.)

I say down and think I figured this out correctly - youngest to school half the days available in November. But from the time we got back from Thanksgiving/Washington DC on she made it every day. She will miss 3 school days starting tomorrow as we leave for Mayo. That is not to say she felt good all those days. It is just saying she felt good enough to be on her feet and make it. Her teachers have been very understanding and supportive. She has a male homeroom teacher who is also her science and gym teacher. He has not been hovering, but has been very concerned and attentive.

Middle cut her hair - another 4" (she had 4"+ taken off in spring when oldest told her she looked very high schoolish with such long hair). Very cute.

Sat down to order pictures yesterday. Household, our albums pictures. It happened to be the day of middle's high school/Christmas dance. Discovered the last batch of pictures (I ordered) had last year's dance pictures on it. S, I had not ordered pictures in a full year. Husband helped me order. This started out beingh a hyndrance, but once he got the hang of it, was fun. I only order one picture if it is just going in one album. An example would be many of the pictures from the middle child in Europe last summer. That is a rare occurance. The majority of the time I order 4 of each print; one for each album. If it something with one of the kids' friends or a relative (nephew for example) I order 5 prints (to give one to them). If it is something my brother or mother would like, I order 6 or 7. If it sometime my husband's brother's would like, I order 3 more for them. The vast majority of pictures I order 4 (one for each album). My husband had a hard time getting in the swing of 4. There were a lot of pictures from this year - niece's graduation open house, middle in europe, europe girl here, trips to oldest's college, trips to visit brother/nephew, trips to chicago, trip to washington dc, etc. A lot of pictures ordered. The bill was high. If I had ordered monthly, all year, the bills would have seemed like nothing. Pictures will not be ready until Monday. Short Christmas letter and envelopes prepared. Husband just needs to add one picture to each and ready to go.

Saved Comments: Munchberry

2011-12-17T00:01:00.001-05:00

Here is Munchberry's original post.

I/Vickie wrote:
I see a lot of things in this. I see reality. I see calmness. I see grace. I see facing and moving foward but glancing back to get your bearings.

bear·ing (bârng)
n.
1. The manner in which one carries or conducts oneself: the poise and bearing of a champion.
2.
a. A machine or structural part that supports another part.
b. A device that supports, guides, and reduces the friction of motion between fixed and moving machine parts.
3. Something that supports weight.
4. The part of an arch or beam that rests on a support.
5.
a. The act, power, or period of producing fruit or offspring.
b. The quantity produced; yield.
6. Direction, especially angular direction measured from one position to another using geographical or celestial reference lines.
7. Awareness of one's position or situation relative to one's surroundings. Often used in the plural: lost my bearings after taking the wrong exit.
8. Relevant relationship or interconnection: Those issues have no bearing on our situation.
9. Heraldry A charge or device on a field.

Brenda

2011-12-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

Also wondering about Brenda, she was having massive computer problems and now her blog is down - ?

sharla

2011-12-16T11:41:00.000-05:00

Still no word from Julie,
but here is what has been going on with Sharla.

a week and a half of the colon recap (and this is the LAST one, I have it all documented/together)

2011-12-16T00:01:00.008-05:00

FIRST
If I got to choose between a colonoscopy and a CT colonography, I would pick the colonoscopy.

For the CT, they have to inflate the intestinal track. It is uncomfortable. Most of this discomfort is emotional. You feel like you have to GO. Luckily the CT machine is the donut kind (is it the MRI that is the tunnel?). So, there are no claustrophobia feelings. I had one scan to see if I was full and she could turn off the inflater machine. Then two scans on my back, flipped over on my stomach, re inflated a bit, then two more scans. If you are curious, it took 4 liters to inflate me. She said because of leakage, sometimes it takes 14 liters. It is worth 100% cooperation to be done quickly.

The colonoscopy might be uncomfortable too, but one forgets with the aid of the meds and doesn't care. I say that only so people are not begging for the CT version when it is time to get the regular procedure.

If it is like my circumstances now and E. Jane's circumstances next year, where we have to get the CT version, it is doable, it does not hurt, it is pretty fast, but it just will not be your favorite thing.

SECOND
I spent nearly a week and a half prepping for one test or the other. On the two days off I had over the weekend, I ate as lightly as I could. I was very aware the moment I started eating again, my mind might feel I needed to eat all the food I had missed over the week and a half rather than just that day's worth of food. Or my mind might think I 'deserved' to eat non-food. I was very aware of this. And I am cognizant of the fact (in my opinion) I need to be very cautious for three full weeks. That is how long I think each individual incident puts us at risk.

THIRD
I suspect because I had prepped so long, I had a very undependable stomach for several (at least) two days after the CR. I say 'at least' because it is still going on as I write this on Thursday (the test was 8am on Wednesday). I did not go to exercise on Thursday because I was still running for the bathroom at times. I was still on very light food. Two bites of anything normal and I was running for the bathroom immediately.

FOURTH
No, I did not loose any weight. I don't think Helen did either. Even though it doesn't seem like I ate hardly anything for about a week and a half, no real loss. I felt like I had been beaten up for much of that week+. I think my body was just hanging on hard, sort of in shock, that whole time. Plus I was eating some sugar water (Gatorade, sprite, jello). Not a lot, but some on various days. And I was very aware that even the small amounts I had could set me up to want 'a taste' on a continuing basis. As I sit here, the thought of any of those gags me. And I realized LEMON is my new sugar. I crave the taste of lemon (real lemon, just lemon, not sugar added to lemon).

FIFTH
As I was lying on my cot, waiting for the failed colonoscopy, I realized the scale was just outside my room. I knew I was not likely to remember much from right before the procedure. My husband had dropped me off at 11:45 and then gone to pick middle up from high school and run her home. He then came back to stay with me. When I saw him in the hallway, I gestured to him to hurry in and hissed - do you have a pen and paper? Write this all down quick. These were all things I had observed and knew I would want to include in a post.

The first one was Carl and how much his wife weighs. As she got on the scale, the wife kept saying - Carl do not look at how much I weigh, repeatedly. As the wife got ready to step off the scale the nurse said - he looked as soon as you turned your back. Wife sighed loudly.

The second one is an elderly woman who came in a wheel chair. They did not have the big scales that hold person/chair, so they asked her if she knew how much she weighed. She did. I knew how much I weighed also, but they would not take my word for it.

The third one was the doc said it was okay for me to go to liquids/eggs one day early if I wanted.

The fourth one was another lady who prepped with all pills and said it was very easy.

The fifth one was I tried to figure out how to prep in such a way that I didn't miss my Friday Morning yoga class. I don't think there was a way. . .

cog·ni·zant (kgn-znt)
adj.
Fully informed; conscious. See Synonyms at aware.

my failed colonoscopy and my successful CT colonography

2011-12-15T00:01:00.028-05:00

Would I let them try another standard colonoscopy on me after my failed one last Friday? Yes, I would.

Do we know why mine failed? We have no idea.

Last Friday (failed colonoscopy) my husband barely got settled down in waiting room and they were calling him back to me.

I was in serious pain. But not in my butt (to be frank). I had serious stomach contractions. And they did not feel like intestinal cramping at all. They felt like my invisible six pack was contracting like they have never before contracted.

To be very honest, they ended up sitting me on the toilet and eventually I did pass gas.

That is the requirement for being able to go home with any colonoscopy.

It took a long time. I think simply because my stomach muscles were so tight. Toilet was a good idea, because one is able to relax more there than anywhere else. (I sit backwards on the toilet when I am in labor (childbirth). The combination of hips open sitting backwards and freedom to let go is very helpful in labor.)

For whatever reason, the stomach muscles would not loosen much. It was like a massive charlie horse with muscles I have never really felt before that day.

When we got home, we packed my stomach with 4 very hot cherry pit bags and I curled up on the couch and distracted myself with TV. After a couple hours, stomach muscles loosened. I still felt tightness Friday - Wednesday, but it diminished each day.

My butt and intestines never did hurt.

The doctor said (of my failed procedure) that he hit a bend and it just would not cooperate. He wasn't sure if it was spasms or something about the bend or what. He said if he had forced it at all, he ran the risk of perforation, so he just stopped. He said this happens about 1% of the time.

As I said, do not let this scare you.

I was the 1% so you can now all be the 99% who have no issues.

I have a guess as to what happened with my stomach muscles.

We did new routines in Pilates on Tuesday and Thursday. I always 'feel' muscles about 4pm the day after a class. I think when he hit the area that would not cooperate, I tightened my muscles as a reflex. I think that because I had done a new routine and it was approaching the hour when I feel it (my procedure was at 1pm), when I contracted very tightly, it did set off some sort of total abs charlie horse.

I might be totally wrong, but that is the only thing that has occurred to me.

What are we doing now?

I had a CT colonography yesterday/Wednesday, 12/14/11, at 8am. (That one was successful and so I am now, as far as I know, done.)

I did not go to exercise on Tuesday
1. I was already prepping,
2. I took no chance with stomach muscles as they were still tight.

This procedure required two days of prep. Their first day (two days before) involved light food. The day before required a lot of stuff. I have posted a copy. I did broth/eggs their first day (two days before procedure). And then I followed directions exactly for the day before procedure (sprite was my liquid meal) and then day of procedure (suppository and no food, my appt was 8am). So again the only thing I did different was go liquid one day early. This was a very easy prep.

PS - And yes, I noticed directions said soup was okay with approved vegetables, but didn't list any veggies. And the LoSo Prep Magnesium Citrate foams up like a volcano. I didn't know when to drink it - after it calmed down or while it was still full foam?

colonoscopy prep

2011-12-14T00:01:00.010-05:00

If you are having difficulty reading the instructions, clicking on them will enlarge. You can also change the size of your screen to higher enlargement. Mine is kept at 100% standardly, but to read those directions, I changed to 200%.

I am including this information so someone might see it and think - no big deal and go get their colonoscopy done.

OBVIOUSLY every hospital/clinic/doctor has their own set of instructions. OBVIOUSLY one follows their doctor's instructions and not my doctor's instructions.

But as I said, I am posting this so someone, who has been avoiding scheduling a colonoscopy, will read my directions and think - that is not the big deal I imagined it to be and schedule themselves (and then actually follow through).

This is what I did to prep:
This is me personally, understanding my body, and as I said, I do not have low blood sugar issues.

(My appointment was 1pm Friday, I arrived at 11:45am as ordered.)

I ate my normal egg beaters omelet/salsa/avocado and oatmeal/milk for breakfast on Tuesday and then went to my normal exercise. I ate soup for lunch and dinner. Lunch was mostly veggie soup with some beans but not very many. And dinner soup was lemon chicken soup that was mostly chicken and broth. Both portions were 18 oz. I drank a lot of water all day.

Wednesday I ate a plain egg beaters omelet for breakfast. I had about 1 cup of jello (orange) for lunch and several cups of very hot broth. I had plain egg beaters omelet for dinner with more hot broth. I drank some water during the day, but mostly broth. My broth was made by cooking chopped carrots, onions, celery, parsley and then pitching the veggies and drinking the broth. I added 1/4 cup lemon juice and 1t sea salt and 1/2t black pepper to the large pot.

Thursday I knew free weights was going to be about as easy as it ever is (because the Thursday class was going to be the same as Tuesday had been). I ate a plain egg beaters omelet and then went to my regular two classes. I drank water the rest of the day until I got home to start my prep about 6pm. I would like to have started my prep at 3pm as suggested, but too many kid things to attend.

I took the 4 laxatives at 6pm. I was afraid to take them while we were out running around earlier. As it turned out, at home, they had no apparent impact on me until I added the next step of the prep. But I still would not risk it.

I used the lemon/lime regular Gatorade, NOT the low sugar. Lemon/lime was the lightest color I could find and as far away from red/purple color range as I could find. I did not dilute it with water. My husband diluted because the taste gagged him at full strength. I thought I needed the full electrolytes/carbs because I had eaten so little. I heated my Gatorade by the cup. So I drank every dose HOT. I mixed the miralax into the containers (dumped whole jar into a pitcher, added miralax and stirred, then dumped back in jar). I poured mixture in mug and then warmed in microwave for one minute to heat.

My prep was very painless. If I had started earlier, would have gotten a normal nights sleep. I found that the first couple trips to the bathroom were a lot of fluid and a lot of small, painless chunks. The rest of the trips to the bathroom were pure liquid. I had about 2 minutes of minor cramping (that wasn't bad) just before my first trip to the bathroom and then no more cramping.

I did not take my meds as I was afraid they would take the edge off enough that I might not make it to bathroom. I only forget once or twice a year. So, while this was not a forget, it was okay just this once.

I drank balance of Gatorade doses HOT the next morning/Friday 4 hours before leaving the house.

Again, I know my own body and I did follow the instructions. The only thing I did 'different' was start my liquid and eggs a day earlier. And the day before that, had a very light/mostly liquid food day. And I stayed away from dairy for a couple days before prep.

I asked the doctor if there was any harm in starting liquid/eggs diet the day before as Helen and my husband and I all did. He said most people would not want to give up regular meals for that extra day, but there was no harm for any of us because there were no health issues. Again, this is all documented here to show it is not that big of a deal and a very important test.

Check with your doctor or facility to see what their procedures are. Be allert to the fact that if you have health issues, you might be under a totally different set of orders from standard. Be sure to communicate all health issues even if they seem unrelated.

colonoscopy - my husband

2011-12-13T00:01:00.007-05:00

I wrote this post (#1) before my colonoscopy failed. I am leaving this post and the one that appears tomorrow (#2) as they are, because it is exactly what happened. It isn't until post #3 (Thursday) that talks about the failure.

I mentioned I had a colonscopy appointment last Friday.

This was purely routine. I turned 50 last March.

My husband had one earlier in the fall, so did Helen and her husband.

If you are looking for this information later, it is under the 'GI' label. Helen also has her own "Helen" label.

Tomorrow I have a copy of my actual orders from the hospital (how they told me to prep) posting. And I included information on what I did the day before prep.

What I am talking about today is my husband.

Earlier this fall was his 3rd colonoscopy. He is 50 also. He has a family history and then also ended up in ER earlier this fall. What they think caused his problem (ER visit) was his intestines getting hung up on the screen from his umbilical hernia surgery (took place several years ago). His 3rd colonscopy was ahead of schedule and done as a double check to be sure he didn't have cancer/polyps.

For this 3rd colonoscopy, he listened to Helen and I. He went liquid and eggs the day before his prep day. And then was liquid (and I think eggs for breakfast) on the prep day. He had a very easy prep.

The previous two colonoscopies, if he was to stop eating at midnight (for example), he was cramming as much cereal in as he could at 11:55pm. Literally several bowls of cereal/milk so he could 'make it' through the day of prep and the day of the procedure. And the several bowls of cereal would be after eating very heavily his 'last day'.

As you can well imagine, he had MISERABLE preps. Like laying on the bathroom rug moaning and groaning preps.

As I went liquid and eggs the day before my prep day, we talked about his old philosophy.

I said - you must have been out of your freakin' mind.

He said - I think I was.

Never in a million years would it have occurred to him (before Helen) that if he binged/stuffed himself to the brim, then there was a heck of a lot to expell during prep. Never.

And most of this was psychological for him. It was not that he was going to fade away in light eating over the course of 2 days. His mind ended up giving his body a night of hell.

I do not have low blood sugar issues. My husband does, but the protein from the eggs was enough to hold him. Obviously anyone on insulin (or like medication) would have to work with their doctor to figure out how to counteract the insulin while prepping.

And it goes without saying people have to follow their own doctor's orders. Not follow our doctor's orders.

I am including this information so people are not scared to get colonoscopies and so they know what to ask about prep.

PS - I did think of Europe girl. Remember how she was so intense on having food available all the time? Remember how she had to pack food to make it for a 3 hour car ride when she had just eaten dinner? That child would have a very rough time fasting/going liquid let alone prepping. She might have to be locked in the bathroom to stop eating and prep.

Ellen on mental illness issues

2011-12-12T00:03:00.005-05:00

Such a good post.

2011-12-12T00:01:00.002-05:00

Most people would succeed
in small things
if they were not troubled
with great ambitions.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

How I think this relates to us here in weight loss/blog land:
Not thinking X pounds by X date,
no bells, no whistles, no parades.
but instead thinking of all the little habits,
on that specific day,
one habit at a time,
one day at a time.
I know it is not glamerous.
You have good company.
I have never been glamerous,
and it has gotten me far.

What I did this week - this is the one with ME moving ( in comments)

2011-12-11T00:01:00.006-05:00

Monday - yin yoga
Tuesday - free weights and pilates
Wednesday - therapy appt and psychiatrist meds check up
Thursday - free weights and pilates
Friday - failed colonoscopy (several posts will appear starting Tuesday)
Saturday - Christmas party
Sunday - 1 1/2 hour relaxation yoga

It was a crazy week around here.

Middle and I went to get flu shots and she got the last of her girl shots (series of 3).

I had my appoints on Wednesday (listed above) and then had my failed colonoscopy on Friday.

It wasn't that they found something wrong, it was that my body would not cooperate. I had a colonoscopy about 25 years ago with no issues. This one the prep went well. My husband barely got seated in waiting room and they were calling him back saying - not going to happen. I am scheduled for a CT colonography on Wednesday morning. So, to recap - I went in for perfectly normal colonoscopy because I turned 50. I had no problems, no symptoms.Yes, poop has been coming out with no trouble. I had a colonoscopy in past with no problems. I was clean as a whistle and everything was fine, doctor just was not able to go very far in and said he was not going to push it for fear of rupture/surgery. The stat is 1% of the time this happens. So 99 go off with no problems and 1 just are a no go. I was the 1. You can all be the 99.
Middle had her last college class of the semester. Her final is on line (next week). Middle got her hair cut shoulder length - about 4" off length.

Youngest has had sore throat and runny nose but hopefully is on mend. She had high school testing this week. Youngest had her winter concert (band, violins, choir, chimes).

My mother furnace was out, fireplace kept her warm, and then it was fixed.

Saved Comments: Repent/Jane and my cringe

2011-12-10T00:01:00.003-05:00

Here is Jane's post.

I/Vickie Wrote:
I love word definitions.

When you wrote about your 'number 12' thing, I didn't think to mention definitions.

I have included many in blog posts over the years.

I will have a word resurface or increase in frequency or simply catch my attention and will look up the definition (much like your 'repent').

This happened at a doctor's appointment yesterday - I used the word 'cringe' and he looked it up to see what the word really meant.

Often the definition (like your 'repent') is a surprise.

cringe [krɪndʒ]
vb (intr)
1. to shrink or flinch, esp in fear or servility
2. to behave in a servile or timid way
3. Informal
a. to wince in embarrassment or distaste
b. to experience a sudden feeling of embarrassment or distaste
n
1. the act of cringing
(Sociology)
the cultural cringe Austral subservience to overseas cultural standards
[Old English cringan to yield in battle; related to Old Norse krangr weak, Middle High German krenken to weaken]
cringer n
cringingly adv

Walnuts

2011-12-09T00:01:00.018-05:00

I eat walnuts every day. They have to be in very large pieces for me to like them. The walnuts that are finely chopped, for use as toppings or to be added to recipes, do not work for me. I realize the taste is exactly the same. I think the finely chopped create too dense of a texture.

Here is the link for information on different kinds of tree nuts. I noticed the link included peanuts which are not a tree nut. At my house we buy dry roasted, unsalted peanuts. The dry roasted is because one does not eat heated oils (see lots of links on my side bar under 'nutrition/tracking' on both nuts and also oils). And the unsalted is because we all really watch our salt. My husband eats a lot of peanuts and peanut butter (even though he eats chicken, fish and turkey and yogurt). Youngest eats reduced fat peanut butter daily. Middle and husband eat regular creamy. Husband eats walnuts. Middle and youngest eat a wide variety of tree nuts on a regular basis.

christmas decorations this year

2011-12-09T00:01:00.013-05:00

Oldest, youngest and I will be headed to Minnesota (Mayo for the youngest who has had tummy issues since just before she turned one) around the weekend of 12/18.

Since it is such a weird Christmas middle child decided to put the tree up with lights, but no ornaments. And only one tree.She put up some of the larger decorations around the house, but not as many as usual.

She and my husband put the wreaths and outdoor lights up because they are very easy to do. Nails are in place above garage windows and wreaths are stored in attic with all lights attached and the hanging wire left intact. So, literally hang and plug in to socket. There are hooks all long the porch and the plugs are in the soffets. Minutes to hand a three long strands of lights.

She did all of this without even mentioning it to me. When I asked, she said her thought process was she didn't want me to be gone all holiday season and then come home to have to help take it down/put it away.

Good plan. And yes this is the holiday decoration kid.

box to my niece

2011-12-08T00:01:00.019-05:00

My niece is a freshman in college on the east coast. I send a box to her each month. I sent this month's box last week. She sent me a text when she got it asking if it was okay to open or if she was to hold until her birthday later next week. I responded - good thing you thought to ask, I meant to text you to say it was on its way and to say - hold until your birthday. Added a PS to the text to say - don't store it on your heater - part of it will melt. She said she was very curious. A great, long, button up the front thick sweater and chocolate.

Ice Rink

2011-12-08T00:01:00.010-05:00

Our girls skate an indoor rink on a fairly regular basis.

My husband and I sit upstairs, where we can see them through a wall of glass and play Phase 10. This is a card game which is a bit of a variation of Rummy. We play with a special deck (regular deck would not work). The Phase 10 deck of cards lives in my husband's glove compartment. So, when we have this car, that is what we play.

2011-12-07T06:55:00.004-05:00

I mentioned yesterday - two posts will run the rest of this week. Comments will be turned on for all these posts. I like to keep comments attached to the right post. Most people who are back in my archives read comments too. And remember, no matter how old the post, I will see any comments newly added to that post. My blog is set up to drop all new comments in my email inbox.) I have lots of odds and ends I need to document. This is a working blog. I do not lump a lot of topics in one post (any more) because it makes is tough to find things later. I am back in my achives on a very regular basis looking for dates or stats or the like. A lot of other people use my archives too. So, that is why I put multiple posts up on the same day, searchability, findability. PLUS, the streets of blog land are pretty empty these days. There will be a sudden crowd in January. But right now, I know a lot of people are not posting. It was amazing how little reading I had to do to catch up after being out of town.

The dress fairy

2011-12-07T00:01:00.048-05:00

I can't remember if I have mentioned this before today.

There is a dress fairy leaving size 8 dresses, that I LOVE, on the clearance rack of my local Target, just for me.

I will find one, never haven seen them on the regular racks (not that I often look at the regular racks) and I will try it.

It is one of those things where when I start to pull it on, I think: this is probably going to be too small, but it fits.

And it fits so nicely that I say to myself - must maintain to wear this dress - a gain of even just a few pounds and my fitted clothes would not fit nicely. I like NO pulling, no over hang, no tightness. I like slightly loosey goosey but very fitted.

Sometimes I will wonder if the dress would fit better in a size 10. So, I will take the dress to customer service and they check and tell me no other sizes any where of that dress in any store in my geographic area. And they do not mean 20 miles. They check within about a 100 mile radius.

Do I need a size 10? Not usually.

Usually an 8 is just what I need.

That is when I know the dress fairy left it just for me.

PS - I have said it before, but I say it again as the marvel feeling never quite left - never in a million years would I have guessed, even in maintenance, my shoulders/bust would fit in a size 8. Remember those are areas which changed even after I hit my second maintenance level/lost my last 20 pounds.

giving blood

2011-12-07T00:01:00.011-05:00

Middle gave blood again on 11/18/11
her pulse was 80
blood pressure was 120/82
iron count was 13.2.
temperature was 98.4
Here is the link to the stats from the last time she gave blood.

This second time, in November, she ate a much larger breakfast, ate protein and drank a water bottle mid morning and then had no light headed issues during/after giving blood.

therapy appt reminder

2011-12-06T00:13:00.004-05:00

12/7/11 9:30am

I have not been to therapy in a month. My regular appointment fell on Thanksgiving week. We were out of town and she was also.

Last year at this time my therapist was struggling with a lot of illness issues. My appointments were irregular and infrequent. At the time that was unsettling.

I have gone through spells of only seeing her monthly this year. It has not been unsettling. I feel on firming footing. In trying for every other week, we meet at least monthly. If we were trying for monthly, we would end up every other month which would be too infrequent.

I saw my therapist in 2007 and 2008. I took a break from my therapist in 2009 because of an insurance change. I went back to her in 2010. I stayed with her for all of 2011.

I am sure I mentioned it at the time, but my psychiatrist did NOT like my not being in therapy in 2010. I respect that opinion and honor it. And now, I agree.

I think I might have been a little too big for my britches in 2010. Or because we are in weight loss/maintenance land, too small for my britches. I suspect because I was thin, I thought I had it more together than I did. And remember 2010 was when I dropped my last 20 lbs and then had a whole can of worms exposed when I stripped off the last of the protective fat. If you were reading along with me or have gone back and read the last 20 lbs posts, you will remember.

I think I do a better job of leaving my ego at the door now and not assuming I know.

PS - the rest of the week there are two separate posts each day. I took care of a whole bunch of odds and ends, I wanted to track/remember, by noting each as a very short post.

the years really blend together, baby steps made such a difference over the long haul

2011-12-05T00:01:00.005-05:00

"You don't have to change that much
for it to make a great deal of difference.
A few simple disciplines
can have a major impact
on how your life works out
in the next 90 days,
let alone in the next 12 months
or the next 3 years."
Jim Rohn

This quote could be my mantra.

Except it has not been a 'few'.

There have been a lot of disciplines.

But they have been slow and steady and dependable, one thing at a time.

I have been careful to build on them and not to backslide.

My process started in fall of 2004 and then moved into a more active form in the spring of 2005.

On my side bar I have paragraphs outlining each year.

I spent a bit of time filling in the 2004 part over the weekend. If you have been back through my archives, it is information you already know. If you are new to reading me, it might be new to you.

I can't tell you how easily the years blend together.

Those paragraphs on my side bar are among the smartest things I ever did.

I refer to them often to keep a perspective of the years' progress.

What I did this week

2011-12-04T00:01:00.004-05:00

Monday - yin yoga
Tuesday - high school honor's lunch
Wednesday - yoga
Thursday - free weights and pilates
Friday - yoga

I knew the middle child's honor breakfast fell on a Tuesday and I would miss morning exercise that day. I did not realize, until we returned from Washington DC, that it fell on the Tuesday after I had missed a whole week's worth of exercise.

Yes, Thursday sucked, but just a little. Soreness hit about 4pm on Friday, so I know I worked.

I am doing enough yoga and enough plank stuff in free weights that I am now careful of my wrists. I drop down to forarms about half the time now, whether or not the instructor is doing it that way, mostly in yoga, to prevent wrist issues. So, I do a lot of dolphin instead of down dog. No wrist issues at all - and I plan to keep it that way.

And on the Tuesday of the Honor's Banquet, I walked into my closet, picked a winter skirt to wear, picked a thin sweater to go with it, put on my tights, put on a dressy jacket, put on my shoes and jewelry, and out the door I went. Everything fit, everything looked good. My closet is a key part of making maintenance pretty painless. I like having everything in my closet fit every day. I like seeing my bin of summer stuff, on a high closet shelf and knowing that not only does it fit me today, but it will fit me in May when I pull it all out for the warmer weather.

Saved Comments: Ellen

2011-12-03T00:01:00.011-05:00

The (very long) comment below is my writing. I was responding to several posts written by Ellen. The links within my comment will take you to Ellen's original posts.

I/Vickie wrote:
I am so glad your jeans worked! and very glad to have the leg style information for my youngest (she is the one who is 5' even).

I caught up on your holiday posts and very much identified with the feelings. I had a tough time with the holidays until just a few years ago. I have done better, very slowly over time. It has been a very visual part of my process for me. I think this is one of several areas which would not have gotten better without my therapist. so I relate to you on that topic too. I have always been very verbal about the fact that I do not think I would be where I am today (holding long term in maintenance and doing well emotionally) without my therapist.

This year we opted out thanksgiving. The 5 of us went to Washington DC for 8+ days. It was very pleasant and solved a lot of extended family issues. I did not feel I was hiding or running. I felt like I was moving toward a positive.

My mother had NO kids home for thanksgiving. and I was okay with that. she has chosen to have the world revolve around her second husband. I didn't feel like I was taking my marbles and stomping off toward home, I felt like I was accepting her choices and making my own. Different than your circumstances with your mother, I understand.

My kids are to the ages where I am very aware that in saddling them with extended family might mean they do their own thing in the future.

In other words, we (husband and I) have to be careful not to make ourselves a packaged deal with extended family. Our kids might opt out on us, to not have to deal with the rest.

My oldest is turning 22, is a senior in college and is the one least tolerant of unpleasant extended family situations. I am looking very carefully at our bonds with HIM and his bonds with US (our immediate family).

I found your post very helpful and am glad you wrote it.

and -

It just so happens my two girls (13 and 17) are close friends with two sisters (also 13 and 17) who have a similar situation (violent mental illness, happens to be a girl, but it is still violent and unpredictable) with one of their sibilings. There are 5 girls in that family and the kids have REALLY suffered as the parents try to deal with the challenging kid.

We met a new family this year who also has 5 kids who also are dealing with an even more challenging kid (violent, nonverbal except for screaming, not potty trained, severe autistic who is approaching puberty so it is going to get a whole lot worse shortly). Those kids suffer greatly also.

I understand the parents are between a rock and a hard place in trying to deal with the needs of the special kid and still give the rest of the kids a normal life. There are no easy answers.

I feel for the little girl you as I have seen first hand how hard the rest of the kids have it in these families.

We look at families who sent these kids to institutions just a couple generations ago and told the rest of the family they had died. That seems so extreme and unkind. I look at the families (now) who keep the kids at home and try to do the best they can, and realize that isn't working well either. I am not sure what the answer is, but have such huge sympathy for all.

emotions - Washington DC

2011-12-02T00:01:00.095-05:00

We, all five of us, did very well all week. As I mentioned, we are not used to all traveling together. And as I mentioned, even though we had an apartment, we were in close proximity (one bathroom and all having to be on the same schedule for example).

I have a girl friend, with six kids, who describes it well - she says the expectation at her house is each person will be a pleasant part of the family. Communication will be kind and factual. People will be cheerful and cooperative. Difficulties will be dealt with fairly and timely.

She is not talking about burying emotions. She is saying - keep it kind and to the point and factual. Deal with things as they happen and do not let them fester. Do not play emotional games, take sides, participate in dragging things out for all eternity.

Ditto for our house. We try for no stomping off, no hissy fits, no nonsense. It is rare we have anyone in tears or mad about something. Things come up that people do not like, but they communicate then and there and it is resolved. And this does not happen a lot. Kids are pretty considerate of each other and my husband and I. And as I have said before, I try to check in with every kid, every day, to see if things are going okay, if they need help, if they have what they need, if they are worried about something.

But even after saying all that, there is such a thing as too much together time.
There are times when one of us needs a self imposed time out to catch ones breath and clear the mind.

I needed one at the Science Museum in Washington DC. I found a quiet spot with a comfy chair. But, I didn't communicate it well. What I should have said was - I need to sit here and deal with my lower back in silence for ten minutes, go find something to do, for ten minutes. Instead I gave the illusion I was stomping off in reaction to something middle had said. Kids called me on it immediately. I was able to leave my ego at the door, explain better and not get stuck in that moment for hours. I used to get stuck in moments on a very regular basis.

I need my down time.

Because of the way our apartment was set up and the fact that my lower back was as issue, I ended up using my bed at the Washington apartment in the evenings.

I had not planned well for this. I had not taken anything to 'do'.

On the train, on the way to Washington DC, dealing with my lower back, I accidentally found the answer.

Black birds, white birds, yellow birds, red birds and tiny little blue birds.

I played Angry Birds on the oldesn't ipod most of the way to Washington.

I didn't know the levels got harder. I didn't know the birds did tricks. I played through games 3 and 4 by only sling shotting/shooting the birds. I was able to beat each level within each game and set many new higher scores (beating number of points oldest had gotten on the same games).

I played this game each night, settling down for the night in Washington too.

I also watched TV and played cards with my family.

But when I was ready to settle down, I got in my pj's, got in my bed, and played birds.

Sometimes one the kids would come crawl in bed with me if they wanted down time too. They would bring their own game or a book because they knew the room was going to stay quiet and there were only two bedrooms and the living room for all of us.

That is how I figured out the birds had tricks. Youngest was in bed with me, saw how I was playing and said - Oh, mom.

She taught me how to actually play the game. And she explained about the levels.

During the rest of the week and the train ride home, I played all the way through the levels and then when back and picked up games one and two. It was amazing how easy those first two games were playing them at the end. I beat many levels with one try. Starting with the higher levels, sometimes it took me 30 tries to beat a level with only sling shots.

I did not come home with regrets. I came home thinking we had all done well. And thinking we had learned how to travel well as adults. I can see that this will lay the pattern for family get togethers when we have a more extended family. I have to be able to do well with my own family before I will do well with their spouses and children.

And no, I did not learn any of this from my own family. And I certainly did not learn any of it from my husband's family. But I saw the importance of doing better as I looked at those extended families. And I am learning and I help my kids.

PS- you might be wondering where my husband is in all of this. The easiest answer comes from the note I used to write at the bottom of field trip driver forms when he was driving a car load of kids. I would write - "please only give him kids that know how to mind, he doesn't know what to do with the ones that don't'. This came after a first grade field trip with middle. When the teacher asked 'who wants Johnny?' all the other moms looked at their shoes. My clueless husband took him without realizing there was a reason moms were looking at their shoes. And then my husband did not know what to do with him all day. Husband learned a lot that day. He still wouldn't know what to do with Johnny. But at least now he knows he doesn't know.

When I drove field trips, the teachers would pull me aside and ask if I would take one of the Johnny type of kids. And I would. When I told the Johnny's - 'all day long every time I turn around, you had better be close enough for me to touch your arm/shoulder with my eyes closed and not causing a bit of trouble, or I will hold your hand for the rest of the day everywhere we go to be sure you are safe' THEY BELIEVED ME. And I never had a bit of trouble.

Food Court - Washington DC

2011-12-01T00:01:00.052-05:00

This is a real testament to how far that not only I have come, but my family has come.

When we traveled this summer, the oldest was not with us. He had a paid internship at his college and stayed there for the summer. We saw a lot of him. We were there, he was home a couple times, but he did not travel with us.

Oldest and I planned the Washington DC trip together. I researched places to stay and then he helped me zero in on the best one. He researched flights, I researched trains - we decided on Amtrak. He ordered the Metro passes. He got me the contact information to set up tours through Senator Lugar's office and then I contacted them and completed the security paperwork.

When we were in Chicago, we had the parameters of our Go Chicago cards which sort of filled in our schedule. If you remember, we took a boat tour each morning, three mornings in a row and then did a museum or the Sears tower of the like. We ate breakfast at Cosi (square bagel place that worked for all of us and was very reasonably priced). We ate lunch out and then stopped at the grocery and got stuff for dinner. We had a refrigerator but no kitchen.

Oldest was not there for the pattern of all that.

In Washington DC - first full day there - I didn't want to be bossy. I didn't want to take charge of the schedule.

Oldest was trying to be accommodating.

We found ourselves standing on sidewalks saying 'what do you want to do next' and hearing replies of 'I don't know, what do you want to do?' TIMES FIVE. Also, 'what are you hungry for?' with replies of 'I don't care - what are you hungry for?' TIMES FIVE.

This all meant that we were eating at irregular times and skipping meals (this was the first full day).

Then. late that first day, all of us over hungry, cranky, the oldest hit on the idea of the food court, the downstairs food court at Union Station. He thought this was an excellent answer as there were a lot of 'food' options. We went there once.

I had my soup waiting for me at home. My intention was to drink a bottle of water and then eat later. When I said this to Youngest, she said - everyone else is eating, just find something to eat and eat with everyone else.

I took this as an excuse and RAN with it. Ran like the wind. I picked something fried and ate it. Then I suggested dessert.

I felt like I was in someone else's mind/body. And I didn't know quite what had happened to me. My kids commented that it was not like me at all.

Later, that same night, my husband pulled the oldest aside and said - this isn't going to work.

Husband said - Everyone must eat a big breakfast before we leave in the morning. We must find a place where there are better food options for lunch and eat lunch at a responsible hour. Then we are going to eat dinner at home. We have a full kitchen, we are going to use it. And husband said - we are going to plan the days and then follow the plan.

Oldest questioned this - husband said - going to agree on what we are doing and then do it. Not going to ask if people want to eat - going to say - time to sit down, take a break, get a drink and something to eat - NOW.

Husband said to oldest - you and I may have metabolisms that can handle a lot of junk but your mother and youngest do not. We have to find quality food options.

And that is what we did the rest of the week.

It took one bad trip to the food court to SEE IT. And my husband actually saw it quicker than I did. (Will wonders never cease.) And he was able to communicate it. And oldest got it immediately. And when we started looking, we found very good food options. I do not look at that one trip to the food court as a failure. Three people learned a LOT from it.

PS - And if you had an 'oh, honey feeling' toward me - I refer back to Jane - she said it better than I ever could. And here is part two.

sleep - Washington DC

2011-11-30T00:01:00.032-05:00

This is the area I was most worried about for our trip.

Sleep is always a struggle for me, even at home.

My husband and I now sleep on two extra long twins. So together they are the same size as a king. They are not touching. He twitches and flops when he sleeps and the motion wakes me.

If you remember, it was just recently that I was able to sleep back in a bed again (maybe the middle of summer). For a long time, I had to be very propped (up). Flat down was terrifying to me.

If you also remember, I have had a hard time with nightmares for a long time. Those stopped a couple summers ago, part way through my process and while working with my therapist. They have not returned. Sometimes I do have bad dreams, but not the terrible ones I was having.

I have been sleeping with a floor fan (for white noise) every night for a long time.

I talked to my psychiatrist before we left and he urged me to increase one of my dosages. This was not just for the trip, I was having trouble staying asleep even before we left town.

Sleep can have many complications, but in general, there is the going to sleep issue and the staying asleep issue.

I have problems in both areas. I take two medications, through my psychiatrist, to help keep me even and help me sleep. They work well for me. As I have said many times, I think this type of medication (and anti depressants and the like) should always be through a psychiatrist and not a GP.

When we were in Chicago (August 2011), in two hotel rooms, husband and I had two double beds. The girls (youngest/middle in king and Europe girl on foldout) in an adjoining room. That was the noisy room. Our room was the quiet evening, wind down room. Even though there was no floor fan, I slept well the whole time we were there.

In Washington apartment, oldest was in living room on fold out, middle/youngest were in bedroom on a queen and husband/I were in a second bedroom on a queen. There was an air mattress in the closet. My husband said if he kept me awake, he would sleep on it.

My increased dosage was enough that my husband did not wake me. We had no floor fan. I slept well the whole time we where there.

I am having a walk through with ME on how to open and close doors with NO noise. If she can learn, then I am going to try sleeping with NO fan at home so I am more flexible and less worried to sleep away from home.

I did very well in Washington all week.

PS - I was explaining all this to my husband after I wrote this post (last Sunday). And husband said - just go back to sleeping with floor fan so you don't have to increase meds. I explained that I was having trouble staying asleep even with the fan, at home, a couple weeks before we left for Washington and that my psychiatrist said it was time to increase one of my meds. I also said that even with the increase I was on a very low dose and had no side effects what so ever from either one of my meds.

My husband's mother refused to take meds. Every one's life would have been easier (especially hers) if she had been under psychiatrists care and had taken meds. Sleep was a huge issue for her. There were a lot of other things that were huge issues for the rest of us with her. . .

So, I understand this (don't want to take meds) background is how my husband was raised.

Interestingly - his father was an orthopedic surgeon and his mother was a nurse. But the kids in the family had no medical care. They never had physicals (his dad just signed the paper). There are no records that any of the four boys ever had vaccinations or the like.

When my husband makes these types of comments, I correct him, and I have to work to reaffirm in my mind that medication is the responsible thing to do. Struggling along without medication would be irresponsible both to me and to my family. There is no point in going to a doctor and then not doing what he says (especially when it works). And there is no point in not seeking the best care I can. I lived a lot of years with no meds and no medical care and that is (mostly) how I ended up a mess. Ditto with seeing my therapist, leaving my ego at the door and realizing that I have to not only be open to change, but actually change.

food - Washington DC

2011-11-29T00:01:00.019-05:00

I took food for the train (on the way to Washington DC). That Friday, I packed apple slices (slice/core them myself and dip in lemon juice, store bought slices give youngest headache), peanut butter, peanuts, pistacios, grapes, strawberry Fig Newtons's, water bottles. We boarded the train late in the day, we all had eaten dinner previously.

Upon arriving in Washington, about noon on Saturday, the first thing we did was take a cab to our lodging, meet our landlord and get information on our neighborhood and then we went to get something to eat and went to the grocery store.

We ate at one of the grills where you fill a bowl and then they grill the meal in front of you. This works extremely well for all of us (vegetarian, vegan, my being careful, husband and oldest). This was a neighborhood place within a couple blocks of our apartment.

We knew there was a grocery store within walking distance and a Metro bus stop. I booked this apartment in July/August and made sure we would be okay with no car.

At the store, we each bought what we wanted to eat for the week - breakfasts and dinners. The kitchen (our lodging) had a toaster oven, full oven, microwave, full size refrigerator and freezer. It also had two blenders, which we didn't use, and a good assortment of pots and pans and dishes. The only thing missing (that bugged me) was measuring cups. We bought a set at the grocery store and left them for future travelers.

I made a batch of vegetable soup as soon as we were finished shopping that first afternoon. I had picked out my simplest recipe and packed the quinoa/all the spices in a baggy (I double bagged it). So I bought some fresh and some frozen veggies and made soup. This is what I ate for dinner all week. Others ate my soup too, but it was my main stay all week.

As I mentioned, I was able to eat my breakfast mainstay (egg white omelete/salsa/avocado, oatmeal/skim milk) every day.

There was a restaurant called Chop T (chopp'ed) I used for carryout lunch at Union Station a couple times. Very good, cooked to order, in front of you, salads. I avoided the food court (up coming post) at Union Station, but kids used it a couple times.

We also like Corner Bakery (they have them in Chicago too). Made to order salads and lentil soup the second half the week (that the youngest can eat).

We loved the restaurants at the National Archives, Capitol, and also the Supreme Court building. Not prepackaged. Chef was on site, salads and sandwiches made to order. Great selection of cooked food (I had middle east food at the Capitol). Lots of good options.

We hated the food options at both Smithsonian Air and Space Museums - it was McD's at both locations. This left us scrabbling for another food options two different days.

I ate a huge lunch just before we got on the train headed back to Indiana on Saturday afternoon. The kids got salads or sandwiches for the train. I also packed saltines, 7up (motion bothers youngest sometimes), Fig Newtons, peanuts, water bottles. We got on the train late in the day and were back in Indiana in the wee hours of the morning.

More on food another day. More travel topics coming in the next few days.

transportation and lodging - Washington DC

2011-11-28T00:01:00.017-05:00

"I never said it would be easy,
I only said it would be worth it."

(I have seen this attributed to the Mormons, paraphrasing Jesus, and Mae West, how does that combination grab you?)

Thanks for leaving messages with me on my automatic posts last week (while I was gone). I very much appreciated them.

I will be in Minnesota with youngest for a week in December. I have posts set to roll that week also.

I am back (here, on my blog) in real time. This post was written yesterday. I wrote posts (yesterday) to roll all this next week about our trip last week.

Five of us went to Washington DC. Youngest, middle and oldest all missed classes Monday-Wednesday of Thanksgiving week. We left after school on the Friday before Thanksgiving and returned yesterday. (ME stayed with another family in our hometown while we were gone.)

We took the train to Washington DC. Amtrak.

I have taken Amtrak to Washington DC (from Indiana) at least one other time. Maybe twice. The last time was over 20 years ago. I still like Amtrak a lot. And we are train travelers (that is how we go to Chicago too) as a family. But, in current time, Amtrak did not agree with my lower back.

I nap in my car on a very regular basis (with no back issues, in fact, it is helpful to be on my side, off my back each day). But in my car, the seat reclines much further than the Amtrak seats. I didn't fully understand this on the way to Washington and tried to sleep. I did not have the right combination of pillows with me. I had lower back issues the first few days of our trip (because of this). On the way home, I did not try to sleep. I stayed in a supported, upright position and got up to walk regularly. No back issues on the way home, but a very long night on the train.

We used the Metro System while in Washington. Subways, city buses, county buses. We only used one taxi, to get from Union Station to our apartment (because we didn't know for sure where we were going and had all our luggage). By the time we left, any one of us, could figure out how to get anywhere in the city. We ordered Metro SmarTrip Cards in advance. They came preloaded with $20-$25. We then reloaded while we were there. We came home with remaining $ on the cards, I am mailing them back to Washington for a refund of the unused money.

We stayed about a mile and a half from Union Station in a rented 2 bedroom apartment.

So except for one trip to Mount Vernon and one trip out to the second half of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum (housed at Dulles Airport) to see the space shuttle Enterprise, we were near the Washington Mall/Government area all week.

Washington was very clean. We are use to Chicago which is extremely clean. Washington was nearly as clean. We found people very helpful and kind.

Have you ever driven by the three story apartments in old cities and wondered about them? The kind that are skinny and deep, in row after row, with no space between them?

Helen lived in one in New York long ago. I think she and a friend had the 3rd floor with 2 bedrooms and 1 bath. I think the owners of the house had/lived in the first two floors.

So, I had been in Helen's. But that is the only one. And I have been looking out car and train and bus windows at these type of houses for years. Last week we stayed in one. We had the whole first floor. I am not sure if the house was ever single family. At this time it is 3 apartments, one one each floor.

We had a full kitchen, but only one bath (we have 3 full baths at home, three shower units, one bath tub, and each have our own sink, so this was roughing it). It was a very clean, updated bathroom.

I found our apartment through VRBO (vacation rental by owner). I had never used this system. I tried to find a VRBO for Chicago last August, but didn't find a good match for us. For that trip I used Name Your Price by Priceline and got rooms for $100 each at a 3 1/2 star, magnificent mile hotel.

I did not even look for accommodations through Priceline for Washington DC, because I wanted a full kitchen. We ate two meals in and one meal out most days we were there.

We ate our regular breakfasts. We ate dinner. I am not sure any of us ever ate the same thing. We each have our own routine.

I will write more about food in a future post (later this week).

My other upcoming topics include:
sleeping away from home
traveling obese vs not obese (this really struck a cord with me this week)
teaching kids to deal in big cities

What I did this week

2011-11-27T00:01:00.004-05:00

Washington DC all week.

breakfast

2011-11-26T00:01:00.002-05:00

It is one of the most important parts of my maintenance and also my efforts to stay EVEN all day, every day.

Emotionally EVEN, physically EVEN.

My own breakfast is steadfast:

1/2 cup oatmeal cooked in 2 cups water on the stove for 6 minutes. Eaten with 1/2 cup 2% milk.

1/2 cup egg beaters cooked in a sprayed/covered 8" skillet for 5 minutes on low and then flipped. Eaten with 1 small avocado and 2T salsa.

I need very little variety and as little glamour as possible in my meals.

I do much better if NO meal is a 'party'.

Breakfast, in particular, is easiest on automatic pilot. I don't want to have to think.

I need to eat efficiently so my stomach has a change to digest before I hit exercise classes.

And I need to eat the right combination so I can make it through all my classes in good form/working hard.

The kids file folders

2011-11-25T00:01:00.001-05:00

I can't remember if I have mentioned this before today.

I have manila folders, held in an upright holder, on the counter in the computer room.

There is one for each kid, one labeled 'school newsletters', one labeled 'brochures', and one with my name on it. This is my touch it once and keep it safe system.

Whenever I find a piece of paper floating around the house, on the kitchen counter or table, which I am not sure if it is important or not, I put it in one of these folders.

This might be a schedule, a permission slip, a class assignment, etc.

These are things where I am just not sure if it is an extra copy or a no longer needed thing.

But rather than have it floating around, or stacked, or lost - I put it in the folder.

The kids then know to look in there for any missing items.

Each kid cleans their folder out when it gets over stuffed.

I think I have mentioned all my kids handle their own paper work. And each kid has a large file box where they keep their important documents.

I can't tell you how nice these computer room/manila folders are. No matter what it is, there is somewhere to put it. Because I always find these things when the kids are not home. And rather than trying to remember to ask, I just put it in their file.

Thanksgiving day is forever in my mind as goal day

2011-11-24T00:01:00.001-05:00

I suspect not everyone thinks thin on Thanksgiving week.

Maybe not everyone thinks 'goal' either.

But this week is the anniversary of losing my last 20 lbs and hitting my second goal level. I did it in 2009.

Time is very deceptive.

That first year flew by.

But now, ending second year, it seems like old hat.

It seems like I have been this size, at this weight, for a very long time.

It seems like the regular old me to me now.

I didn't start out thinking I would be done/rid of my last 20 lbs on Thanksgiving week, it just worked out that way.

But it is a blessing in disguish, because that is where my mind focuses this week.

I suspect it will focus here each year.

It makes it much easier to prioritize and see the big picture.

And that makes me thankful.

Sometimes things are easier if there is less

2011-11-23T00:01:00.003-05:00

This concept has hit me twice in the last 7 months.

The first time was my new car. I have a hybrid with a very large battery in the trunk. There is little storage space. My former trunk was always well stocked. I had to par down what I carry so much of my 'emergency' supplies fit in the mesh 'hammock' that is just inside the trunk. My yoga/exercise bags and plastic bag with fleece blankets are (now) all that is in the body of the trunk. It is still a lot, my yoga bag is big, but there is enough room for kids' school backpacks. I guess the advantage is there isn't room for any more. And anything that is added, must be out, by the time I pick up carpool.

The second time this concept hit was when the youngest moved upstairs and is now using a former hall closet for her clothes. It is walk in and quite large. She is the old guest room which has lots of storage, but did not have hanging closet space. That hall closet was the former home of two big zip hanging storage bags. These are the big, wide kind. One held Halloween costumes and the other fancy dance dresses. After much thought, I realized the only place to move them was the hanging rod in my laundry room. Now the rod in my laundry room was always packed to the gills. Moving the storage bags there significantly reduced the rod space. And this was a real plus. Now, everyone has to remove their hanging/clean laundry immediately. Best thing that ever happened.

This made me think of Little House on the Prairie and having two hooks. So at any given time one had three sets of clothes - bed, church, every day. One of the sets of clothes was on, the other two were on the hooks. Made life very simple.

Both my girls wear school uniforms. They have five shirts each and one pair of pants (they both have a pair of old pants in their locker for an emergency). Youngest also has a uniform skirt. I do their laundry on Friday after school and then they are all set for the next week. This makes things very simple too.

Holiday Post Collection

2011-11-22T00:01:00.001-05:00

A good collection from Diane on dealing with Holiday Food (from 2010) - No Dread Required, and Keeping Your Goals in Mind, and Not Very Jolly, and Handling Christmas Candy, and It's Not about the Pies, and Don't Fear the Holiday Season.

Here is one from Gretchen on dealing with difficult relatives (2011).

Jane (2011) on Beware of the Triple Crown of Holidays.

wishing for magic/lottery thinking

2011-11-21T00:01:00.009-05:00

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
Anna Freud

I think of this (looking outside oneself) as the 3rd party thing.

I think almost all of us do it at some point or the other in our process.

Many of us have a very hard time starting our process because we are waiting for a 3rd party or are waiting for magic.

I don't have a 'magic' label.

Instead I have a 'lottery thinking' label.

It is very much the same thing.

Thinking 'if only'. . .

What I did this week

2011-11-20T00:01:00.008-05:00

Monday - Yin yoga
Tuesday - free weights and pilates
Wednesday - yoga class (migraine day)
Thursday - free weights and pilates
Friday - hair cut, left for Washington DC

Last week I mentioned boat and rolling over onto our sides. This week we did boat and then lowered on to our back and then with legs outstretched, pretended like we were making snow angels with our legs and then back up into boat. People did different things with their arms. Some kept them on the ground. Others crossed them over their chest. Some kept them out at a T. I kept my head and shoulders up slightly off floor, even on the snow angels, and kept my hands in prayer at my chest. (That is a very typical hand position for me (years of yoga). Other common practices for me in various exercises are hands on hips and hands in prayer with thumbs lightly on my forehead..) This (snow angel and boat) was another one that was all about control and balance. We paused at the top and bottom of each move so we were not swinging it, not using momentum. I did three sets of these. Two in free weights and one in Pilates both Tuesday and Thursday. To be honest, once I got my mind wrapped around it, first set was pretty easy. Second set had to just power through it, by third set was all I could do to pull myself up and then lower myself down (with control) for each move. I think there were probably about 15 in each set. I did three snow angel legs each time.

I mentioned this to Helen:
I am back in yoga on a very regular basis. In yoga, we do a lot of sort of invisible upper body and core work. The one that comes to mind is chaturanga. I have noticed a difference in my power in both free weights and pilates (since getting back into regular yoga practice).

Last week I was able to lower all the way to the mat (I mean ALL the way, and then hoover just above mat without touching down) and then push myself back up to full plank. So lowering in full plank and then pushing back up in full plank. A real, FULL push up.

I did it once on Tuesday and then twice on Thursday. Both of these times were in pilates where I had already done full arm series in free weights. So, I did this on truly fatigued muscles. And I was able to laugh at myself when I couldn't do a second FULL one on Tuesday nor a third full one on Thursday.

I can ALWAYS lower down easily, but it is the pushing back up (in full plank) that is hard for me. I can always do chaturanga in yoga, because the pushing back up is not in plank, it is updog.

If you are just starting, this is what I did in the very beginning, and this is such a Kris thing. She would have me lower down as slowly and carefully as I could, get back UP however I had to (hands and knees) and then lower again. Those were my 'push ups' (only all I did was lower with the best control I could muster). We did the same thing with sit ups. I lowered down as slowly as I could with the best form I could and then got back up however I had to (and in the beginning I got up by rolling over on my side, getting on my hands and knees, and then getting back in position). Yes, she was strenthening me, but mostly what she was doing was teaching me to leave my ego at the door. . .

We all beging from where we are. I started in the beginning too. You just read me where I am now, many, many years later. And except for surgeries, I have been at it, steadily, this whole time.

Husband and food update

2011-11-19T00:01:00.003-05:00

If you remember, husband was driving me nuts with food a while ago.

About 80% of what he said was food related.

It wasn't just my perception, the girls confirmed it.

This was mostly as he was going through his gut issues.

But it had been an issue before then also.

I have gone through spells where he has stalked me with food also. As in, I am done with food for the day, my teeth are brushed, he keeps coming to sit by me with a bowl of something. As soon as his bowl is done, he leaves. He returns with another bowl. Repeat. The bowls give the appearance of being endless.

I usually stare him down or say - thank you for coming to crunch in my ear, it is much appreciated.

He still goes through spells of this. But not so often any more.

I am reporting back that his non stop food talk came to an abrupt stop. He went from what felt like every 5 minutes to just taking care of himself and keeping his mouth shut.

A couple times I had something specifically planned and he had already eaten.

Both times I opened my mouth to say - why didn't you check with me? and then realized I can't have it both ways. I closed my mouth without a word.

Thanksgiving collection

2011-11-18T00:01:00.006-05:00

Helpful Hints for Holiday Foods:

Shall we start with a prayer?
Here is a good one, from 2010, Our Lady style.

I love this one by Diane (from 2009). And her 2010 5K post too. There are a LOT of Turkey Trot races now held ON Thanksgiving Day all over the country. All races can be WALKED. Especially if you come from a non-athletic family, I encourage you to make this part of your holiday tradition.

And here are two more, from 2010, first one from Diane and second one from Diane, equally good.

Diane with Holiday tips in 2011.

Sandrelle on Getting out of the (comfort) zone (yes, it is the right link, scroll way down past header, goals, pictures and you will find post).

Gretchen (2010) on - you can only control yourself, and not everyone else.

Sharla's Nutrition Teacher (the post is in comments) had a nice set of ideas.

My own hints:

I do all the hints mentioned by Sharla's teacher

- enough dessert for one each (we do two small pies - one piece per person for lunch and one piece per person for dinner and they are gone).

- my mashed potatoes are 1/2 pureed steamed cauliflower. A word of advice - puree the cauliflower in the food process (do not just mash it by hand) as chunks of cauliflower are just 'off putting' even if you like cauliflower. I personally started with 3/4 potatoes and 1/4 cauliflower and worked my way up to 1/2 and 1/2. It makes for much easier palette transition. And I don't put any butter or milk in the mashed potatoes (any more). The creaminess of the pureed cauliflower is enough to generate moist mashed potatoes for us.

- we serve plain steamed green beans - not casserole - and everyone here is fine with that. Another alternative is to double or even triple the amount of green beans, but keep the 'sauce' amount the same. You will probably be shocked at how 'soupy' traditional green bean casserole looks to you (when you run into it some where else, it is just off putting) after implimenting this technique.

- we always have a huge relish tray. And the 'left overs' from this tray are then ready to be made into vegetable soup the next day. I make my own broth by boiling chopped onions, celery and (no salt added, canned, diced) tomatoes, garlic, black pepper.

NOTE: the food coop's method for making broth - carrots, onions, celery, parsley. NO seasoning of any kind, so it can be added to any soup. This is what I do now.

- many years ago my mother and I realized we were making traditional dishes which no one ate. We asked each person what dishes they preferred and this reduced the amount of food greatly. That in turn meant all the food was being eaten and we no longer have too many leftovers. Or perhaps I should say we no longer have the wrong kind of leftovers.

- not everyone at my house eats turkey, but we still make large one and then freeze leftovers in individual serving sizes. This is very handy for those who do eat meat.

AND here is an alternative suggestion to stuffing (as a side dish, not IN the turkey). This is something my husband and I eat as a meal, but I think it is 'dressing like':

1.25 extra lean ground cooked turkey breast (like JennyO)
sautee: chopped white onion, celery, zucchini
(I do 1/2 large white onion, whole small stalk of celery, 2 medium zucchini)
4 cloves garlic (I do 4 teaspoons of garlic from jar)
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 teaspoons dried parsley
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Put 10 large Portabella (washed, stems removed) stem side down on parchment paper lined cookie sheet and bake for 20 minutes in preheated 350 degree oven. This is to cook them and to release water.

Turn mushrooms over (stem side up, if the paper is soggy, I replace it) and heap sauteed (still hot) veggy mixture on top each mushroom. Yes, careful balancing. Then sprinkle shredded mozzerella on top each pile. It does not take very much cheese, just a tiny bit to sort of 'hold' together the mixture.

Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.

When we eat these as a meal, I make the veggie mixture (as listed above) and then refrigerate half of it. We eat 5 mushrooms (2 for me and 3 for my husband) one night and then make the other 5 a night or two later.

I really like the taste of this recipe. And as I said - to me - it is stuffing like.

Poppy's arms/shoulders/upper back

2011-11-17T00:01:00.006-05:00

POPPY MONTGOMERY is now on CBS in Unforgettable.

I remember her from Without a Trace.

I think the last time I saw her on that old show, she had just had a baby and had gained (something like 70) pounds.

The first time I saw her this fall, I was in serious awe of her arms and shoulders and upper back.

I found a good article talking about her current workout routine.

That serious awe feeling is exactly how I found my current free weights/pilates instructor.

She used to take my same Zumba classes.

I saw her arms, shoulders and back and asked how/where she had gotten them.

Her answer was her own free weights class.

I started going after checking in with Sabrina.

And yes, currrent free weights instructor is in as good as shape as Poppy. And instructor is right around 50 years old, expecting first grandchild, her youngest is in college.

I am 50, next year I will have one in grad school and one in college and one in high school (4 years between each of my kids). And my arms, shoulders, upper back, neck, chest, abs get better all the time.

Gratitude Clouds

2011-11-16T00:01:00.004-05:00

I think of them as clouds because that is what Yoga Kate (one of my first yoga instructors) used to call them.

Remember Kate is Colleen's mom.

And when I called Colleen, long ago, asking where a fat person with all kinds of heath problems starts, she sent me to her mother for yoga.

In yoga, part of the learning is to clear the mind.

This can be tougher than any position in yoga.

Being alone on one's mat, being still, can be really hard.

A lot of tears get shed on yoga mats.

Kate always suggested visualing any thought as a cloud and then gently, mentally blowing it right out of one's mind. This is good way to practice clearing the mind.

So, Kate meant - when anything pops in the mind, acknowledge it is there, and then mentally blow it away. This is quite a learning curve.

(In the beginning, bombarded with clouds, one after the other, like a runaway train, is called monkey mind. And it is very common. There is a label at the bottom of this post called monkey mind if the topic interests you further.)

My M/F yoga instructor says it is okay to have single thought clouds in yoga as long as they are GRATITUDE CLOUDS.

If the thought/feeling is one of gratitude, it is okay to let it stay with us on our yoga mat.

But the cloud can't expand. The gratitude thought has to stay single and simple. We have to embrace just that one thought.

I love this.

Nightshade plants and joint problems

2011-11-15T00:01:00.001-05:00

"Potatoes, tomatoes, sweet and hot peppers, eggplant, tomatillos, tamarios, pepinos, pimentos, paprika, cayenne, and Tabasco sauce are classified as nightshade foods."

"A particular group of substances in these foods, called alkaloids, can impact nerve-muscle function and digestive function in animals and humans, and may also be able to compromise joint function."

The topic of nightshade foods and joint problems came up in yoga a few weeks ago.

It is amazing how many topics come up in the 5-10 minutes before my yoga classes (M, W, F). The women who attend these classes tend to be very knowledgeable about all kinds of topics.

I was not priivy to the first nightshade/joints conversation. That was between a student and my M/F instructor.

My understanding is -the student was sharing she was suddenly having joint issues.

The instructor asked if her food habits had changed with fall.

The student said she was eating a lot of potatoes.

The instructor (and this sounds just like something I would say) said - try eliminating the potatoes and see what happens.

In other words if it wasn't broke before, and it is broke now, go back to what you were doing when it wasn't broke and see what happens. And food elimination is the easiest way to see if one is impacted by foods/nonfoods.

The student eliminated potatoes, her joints went back to their non-inflamed former status.

The student was amazed. The instructor was not amazed. That is what she expected.

I had never heard of the nightshade joint thing. Very interesting.

2011-11-14T00:01:00.002-05:00

Every one of us
gets through the tough times
because somebody is there,
standing in the gap
to close it for us.
Oprah Winfrey

I am not sure this person appears by magic.

Sometimes this person steps up because we communicate we need help, are looking for a solution, need knowledge.

I have had a lot of people help me in my process.

Every single one of these people has been because I looked for a solution and found the person in the process.

Ladies at Curves, Colleen, Julie, Kris, Kate, blogger friends, Lisa, Sabrina, my therapist, my psychiatrist, my ob, my new free weights/pilates instructor, my current yoga instructors, the list continues to grow.

And those are just the main ones, there have been a lot of secondary players who touched my process indirectly.

Facing forward, looking for answers, dealing with reality.

What I did this week

2011-11-13T00:01:00.014-05:00

Monday - yin yoga
Tuesday - free weights and pilates
Wednesday - therapy appt
Thursday - free weights and pilates
Friday - yoga
Sunday - relaxation yoga class (1 1/2 hours)

It was bar and ball work in free weights this week. I use a 4' bar that weights 4lbs. This is the lightest one at the studio. We did full extensions and lots of reps, so we all went light. The stability ball was used for planks (feet on ball, holding in full plank). The stability ball was used for squats (one foot on ball, squatting with standing leg, front, back, side). All our ab work was standing this week. Those are always foolers. Doesn't seem like as much work in standing position, but feel it the next day.

My favorite new thing from this week -
This is a version of boat pose. I keep my legs bent to protect my lower back. (Full boat pose is with legs straight, so body is more in a V.)

Now picture flat on back, arms stretched over head, legs stretched out long with toes pointed. Long, line of body with toes stretched one way and fingers stretched the opposite. Arms and legs lifted just enough off floor so that neither hands nor feet are touching ground. Picture keeping that position and rolling self over on side without letting hands or feet touch floor.

We combined those two moves in Pilates this week. Started in boat, without touching down, rolled ourselves on our sides with feet and hands long and lean, extended. Then pulled self back into boat, still not touching hands or feet to ground. Then we repeated on the other side. Lots of reps.

To be honest, when instructor demonstrated, I thought I would not be able to do it without touching down. But I did. And it was actually fun. Easier to balance on one side than the other (it always is, amazing what differences there are between each side). . Very good workout move. And it was a fooler, total body had to work with core. We paused at the top and bottom of each move and held for a breath so we were not swinging/using momentum. I like this type of thing because it distracts the mind while one is doing it.

There are a lot of moves (pilates and other things) where the arm or leg is just along for the ride, meant to distract our mind from the core work. We are still engaging the core, working the core, but the secondary move gives us something else to think about while we crunch or hold that core.