My Friends by Fredrik Backman

My Friends by Fredrik Backman is an upcoming book group discussion assignment. I finished it yesterday. I thought it was unusual and excellent. 

Boundaries can be very helpful

Many years ago a board member from one of my local groups was not having fun in her board position. There was a lot of drama. 

She is a shining example of what to do. 

She stayed with the group, and continued with the things she enjoyed - going to monthly meetings and attending activities and participating in philanthropic projects. She stayed very active.

That sounds logical, doesn’t it? 

But she is unusual, most people unhappy with a board position with a lot of drama, end up leaving the group. She did not. She stayed with the group, and enjoys her member activities, but has firmly refused all board positions and committee head positions for over a decade. 

A shining example of very good boundaries. 

An article on geriatric living

We have been through a lot of changes in the last two years with my mom. Over brunch yesterday, she was telling me she read an article on the things one should do as one ages. Yes, I fully realize some of these things require finances.

I do not know the article, but here are some of the points she remembered:

Take care of house and vehicle repairs as they happen, do not let things accumulate unattended. 2025 was the year for this at my mom’s house. Lots of plumbing and drainage issues, one right after the other.

Get housekeeping help. In my mom’s case, she can still do quite a bit. She has a four hour cleaning lady once a month to change her bed linen, scrub two bathrooms, scrub the kitchen floor, vacuum the whole house. That four hours of help makes all the difference. 

Get yard help. In my mom’s case, her young neighbor has a side job. He mows, rakes, shovels, cleans windows, and changes smoke detector batteries. A bonus is he lives next door and keeps an eye on things in general.

Utilize services that come to your house. In my mom’s case, library services delivers/picks up books every 3 weeks. Her hair cut lady makes a house call every month. Her groceries are delivered. Most of her prescriptions come by mail.

Have driving help. I am available to take her to medical appointments, the bank, the pharmacy for temperature sensitive meds she does not want mailed. She stopped driving over a year ago, she sold her car to extended family. 

Socialization. Three of us and two dogs visit her once a week. We take lots of food, eat/visit, and then leave the leftovers. She has no interest in joining a local group or having any type of visiting services thru local groups at this time.

So far, she has safely been able to stay in her own home. 

The Korean Connection

I am not sure how, but the occurrence of books to come up for discussion between my various book groups, with a Korean connection, has been unusually high. 

Island of the Sea Women by Lisa See (women in Korea)

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

(Koreans who move to Japan)

In Order to Live by Yeonmi Park

(girl and her mother escaping North Korea)

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin (Koreans in USA)

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow (2022) by Gabrielle Zevin was a best selling novel. 

It was an assignment for one of my book groups, I had never heard of it. 

Our book group day was a mess. We ended up with no leader, half the attendees had not read the book, including the person who volunteered to facilitate the discussion. 

I was not prepared to lead, but had read the book (and really liked it). By the time I arrived, she had already volunteered. 

So, mostly it was a waste of a trip to the library. . .